What do we make of a cafe when the media release spruiks it as a "brunch restaurant" and says the interior design was inspired by none other than Kate Middleton? 

Yes, House of Windsor's Kate: "It pays the ultimate compliment to Kate, whose humble nature and unpretentious beauty embodies the design and personality of the cafe."

Let it slide, Holden…

Suffice to say that Middletown's styling is clean and muted, all blues and greys, subtle brass and marble. If you imagine a cafe in a Country Road catalogue, you'll get the idea.

Owners Randy Dhamanhuri and Valerie Fong also have Operator 25 in the city. Chef Dilpreet "Gilly"' Singh comes via Top Paddock, Kettle Black and Two Birds One Stone.

It all adds up to the kind of place where the Duchess of Cambridge might brunch if she could slip into town unnoticed.

What would Kate order? Maybe the grilled broccolini salad – only a couple of stems, it turns out, grilled as promised, served with steamed asparagus (more of that than the broccolini), pieces of purple congo potato – tasteless and floury, as congos usually are; maybe the purple colour is the point here – and some very sweet "compressed" pear. The highlight was the nutty crunch of toasted hazelnuts. It's served with a couple of slices of toasted baguette and a poached egg.

If the Duchess was feeling a bit Scandi/Spanish, she might go with the pickled mackerel, a couple of vinegary fillets of fish draped over toasted sourdough and topped with big flakes of manchego and a little dry jamon. The manchego is a nice foil to the fishiness (I really thought it was pecorino). The bullhorn peppers listed on the menu appear as a few sauteed slices. On the top: a fried egg and a scatter of fresh herbs. Simple, and strictly for fans of vinegary fish only.

Sweet-tooth Wills might be tempted by the coffee waffles with textures of strawberry – fresh, freeze-dried, macerated.

The waffles were a little wet in the batter and light on the coffee – more coffee-coloured than coffee-flavoured – and drizzled with truffled honey that had an odd flavour: maybe two ingredients best kept apart? But the vanilla ice-cream was good for brunch – light and almost sorbet-like.

The best of the breakfasts at this bruncherie, though, is the trio mushrooms – sauteed seasonal funghi, among them shiitake and Swiss browns, photogenically threaded (Instagram again?) around a sort of twist of nicely toasted brioche batons that were appropriately dry, not too sweet. There are curls of very crisp pancetta and tasty shavings of pecorino.

There's good coffee from Brunswick roasters Code Black, served as espresso and filter. The tables are set with vases of white gardenias, the menu (and the bill) presented in blue leather folders, and the vibe is very southside – Middletown is about as far from Melbourne funky town as a cafe can get.