TasWeekend: Victims living in family fear

SCARED, ashamed and feeling helpless, victims of elder abuse are typically reluctant to report their perpetrators, who are often family.

Elder abuse commonly affects older women and can involve financial, psychological and physical abuse from family members. Picture: iSTOCK

SCARED, ashamed and feeling helpless, victims of elder abuse are typically reluctant to report their perpetrators, who are often family.

Bob*, 87, says he sometimes wishes his son was dead. He feels guilty for feeling that way. He wonders what kind of father that makes him. Bob has a severely ulcerated leg and needs to take prescription painkillers to manage his pain. But whenever the elderly Tasmanian’s adult son comes to visit, he steals Bob’s medication, leaving Bob with nothing to ease his discomfort.

“He comes to visit me when he knows it’s time for me to get my new prescription and he yells at me and stands over me until I just give it to him,” Bob says.

“It’s the only way he’ll leave me alone. If I haven’t got painkillers to hand over I end up just giving him money so that he will go. I tell my doctor I am always in pain, but I can’t tell him why. I feel like I am the drug addict trying to hide things from my doctor and from my family, but I can’t tell anyone about what’s going on.”

Victims of all kinds of family violence are often reluctant to report their experiences – either to the relevant authorities or to friends or family. Part of that reluctance comes from a sense of loyalty or forgiveness of the family member committing the abuse. Parents are typically reluctant to report their offspring, and in the case of elder abuse, most victims experience it at the hands of their children or grandchildren.

“I don’t want to get my son in trouble with police or have him go to jail but I’m so sick of the pain and the way he treats me,” Bob says. “I just dread him coming around. What sort of father am I to want my own boy dead?”

Because elder abuse is so commonly unreported – and, when reported, often recorded under other categories of abuse – it is difficult to know how prevalent it is and statistics are difficult to collect. But it happens more frequently than you might think, according to Council on the Ageing Tasmania chief executive Sue Leitch, with reported incidents only the tip of the iceberg.

“According to international statistics, about 3 per cent of people aged over 65 experience some kind of elder abuse,” Leitch says. “But recent research in Australia suggests a figure as high as 10 per cent is not unlikely, and it could be higher if you include people who are experiencing neglect, which is also a form of abuse.”

Elder abuse is defined as any act that causes harm to an older person and is carried out by someone they know and trust, such as a family member or friend. The abuse may be physical, social, financial, psychological or sexual and can include mistreatment and neglect.

Usually the abuser is an adult child, with sons more likely to be the perpetrator than daughters. Financial and psychological abuse often occur simultaneously and these remain the most common types of abuse reported.

Advocacy Tasmania began operating an elder abuse helpline in August 2012 and since then has received 1146 reports of elder abuse from around the state.

In the six months from July to December last year, 116 cases of alleged abuse were reported, with 72 per cent of alleged abusers reported to be close family members, with sons and daughters accounting for 50 per cent of the cases. The most commonly reported form of abuse was emotional/psychological (84 per cent), followed by financial (67 per cent) and physical (33 per cent).

The vast majority of cases (70 per cent) involved older women. Thirty-eight per cent of reported abuse was perpetrated against people over 80, and 54 per cent against people aged 65-79.

“Elder abuse takes many forms and they all have a profound and devastating effect on the elderly, who very often suffer in silence, feel shamed and are terrified,” Advocacy Tasmania chief executive Leanne Groombridge says.

“The victims are often isolated and fear being further cut off from those that they depend on. We hear this so often from callers – they don’t want to cause trouble for their children and think more highly of being able to have contact with their abusers and grandchildren than their own safety and wellbeing.”

I just don’t know where to turn for help and how to even go about finding somewhere to live.

There are also implications relating to care. “Is this person healthy and resilient enough to cope on their own and live in the community without the support of their family?” Leitch says.

“And then there’s just that guilt they feel about getting their family members in trouble. In other parts of the world, the law ensures the mandatory reporting of any suspected abuse which helps to take away that element of guilt, whereas in Tasmania victims are required to self-report, which can leave them feeling conflicted and it takes a great deal of courage to self report.”

Elder abuse takes many forms. Financial abuse can be something as petty as being given $20 by an elderly relative to buy something for them at the shops and then lying about the change, through to selling their house from underneath them by tricking them into signing the documents.

Emotional and psychological abuse can range from bullying through to systemic and heartless manipulation. Physical and sexual abuse are less common but still a big problem, with case studies provided by the Tasmanian Elder Abuse Helpline demonstrating the full spectrum.

Jim*, 73, found himself experiencing financial abuse at the hands of his son, who also assaulted him physically. Jim’s son was registered as his carer and while the son had no formal power of attorney, he did have access to Jim’s bank account, which contained several thousand dollars.

Jim had given his son $100,000 to purchase a property to live in and had arranged to live on the property as well, but there had been no formal records or agreements signed. Meanwhile the son had taken Jim’s car and driver’s licence and told him he wasn’t allowed to drive, leaving Jim isolated and utterly dependent on his son’s whims. He was only able to phone the helpline when he was hospitalised and unable to return home for some time.

His son’s partner had threatened him many times with physical abuse and his son had previously hit him around the face. Jim said his son had two young daughters and so he didn’t want to involve the police in case his grandchildren were taken away.

“If I go back and don’t do what they want they’ll probably beat me up or maybe even worse,” Jim told the helpline. “I’m going to end up with nowhere to live and no money and what will happen to my grandkids?”

According to international statistics, about 3 per cent of people aged over 65 experience some kind of elder abuse,” Leitch says. “But recent research in Australia suggests a figure as high as 10 per cent is not unlikely, and it could be higher if you include people who are experiencing neglect, which is also a form of abuse. – Ageing Tasmania chief executive Sue Leitch

Seventy-year-old Edna* told the helpline that her 49-year-old son was always pressuring her for money and recently asked her to sign a reverse mortgage on her home.

He had put documents in front of her and demanded she sign them as he wanted to have access to his share of the house immediately because he was at risk of losing his own home. He said his kids would be on the street if she didn’t. Edna reported he had also insisted on her taking out funeral insurance where he was the sole beneficiary – and there wasn’t even any requirement for the funds to be used for the funeral.

“My son has been in trouble before for fraud and I worry about him all the time and I can’t stand the thought that he will end up homeless,” she told the helpline.

“I thought I’d raised my kids better than this. I stupidly thought they would be honest and responsible, but now all he wants is my money and he doesn’t care at all about what happens to me.”

Meanwhile, Mary*, 78, found herself homeless after being abused by her stepdaughter. Mary told the helpline her partner was terminally ill and was being cared for at home when her partner’s daughter moved in and announced she would be caring for her father and Mary was no longer welcome, even though Mary and her partner owned the house together. Mary said her stepdaughter had even hit her with a lump of wood to force her out of the house.

“I feel so ashamed and embarrassed that this could be happening to me at 78. I have bruises all over me and I’m basically in the gutter now. It just would have been better if she’d killed me.”

WHAT TO DO IF YOU SUSPECT ELDER ABUSE Phone the Elder Abuse Helpline on 1800 441 169 if you are being abused or suspect abuse is happening to someone you know. It is the best first port of call, providing callers with information, advice and referral on actions that can be taken to prevent and respond to elder abuse in its many forms. Getting to the point of feeling able to call the number is a challenge for those who are feeling frightened, guilty or embarrassed about their situation. Council on the Ageing Tasmanian chief executive Sue Leitch says it is often incumbent on family and friends and other caregivers to help victims to come forward if abuse is suspected. “The helpline tends to get a lot of calls from people who see it happening to someone else, and support workers who go into people’s homes also need to be on the lookout for signs of abuse,” Leitch says. “If you see a situation you’re not sure about, try to support that person as much as you can, help them to call the helpline, sit next to them while they tell their story, hold their hand, be their moral support while they make the call, go to the police or contact their community legal office.” Warning signs to look out for if you suspect someone is experiencing elder abuse include sudden changes in the relationship between family members, a family member unexpectedly moving in with an elderly relative, family members with gambling debts or unpaid bills, or a suspected perpetrator always making themselves present or within earshot during visits by health workers and service providers.

Mary eventually went to stay with a friend, but she was essentially homeless. She did not want to report the assault to police as her partner was so ill that she felt police involvement would be too devastating for him and the family. Being isolated from her partner at such a difficult time was stressful, but she also knew she needed to protect her assets from her stepdaughter.

“I just don’t know where to turn for help and how to even go about finding somewhere to live.”

Preventing elder abuse starts with something fundamental: respect. Leitch says that while risk factors for abuse include loneliness and social isolation, elder abuse starts with disrespect and is a symptom of both ageism and sexism. While it is no longer acceptable to promote sexist or racist stereotypes, ageist stereotypes and cliches are everywhere, from birthday cards to comments on social media.

Ageism is a serious social issue that diminishes the value of older people and fosters disrespect and intolerance. The problem is highlighted by a study in 2014 that found 98.8 per cent of Facebook group descriptions of older adults reflected negative stereotypes, with 74 per cent of descriptions directly attacking older adults.

“Elder abuse, in a way, is the far extreme of ageism,” Leitch says. “And it sneaks in very gradually: you just have to look at the way older people are portrayed in things like age-based birthday cards.

“We all have a role to play in combating that and saying there are some fantastic older people out there who contribute a lot to society, and that will lead to these people being valued in their communities and feeling valued in themselves.”

Leitch says when we start seeing older people as being somehow less valuable, we start down the road towards treating them as lesser people, and in turn abusing them.

“Imagine a food van selling doughnuts and a person in their mid-40s rocks up and the sales assistant says, ‘No, I can’t sell you a doughnut, they’re only for young people, and if you’re over 40 you don’t deserve one’,” Leitch says. “That might sound silly, but if you replace the doughnut van with, say, a job or the right to be served in a clothing store, then you see how this attitude creeps into some very real situations and it’s still ridiculous.”

And unlike other forms of discrimination, such as racism or sexism, ageism is in effect discrimination against ourselves, Leitch says.

“Barring some kind of tragedy or an untimely death, most of us expect to grow old eventually, so it really is in our best interests to combat this discrimination against older people, because one day it will be us in that position.”

Thursday is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day and the Council on the Ageing Tasmania is marking the day with a Walk Against Elder Abuse through Hobart to highlight what it calls “the silent epidemic”.

The walk begins at 2pm at the car park of the Westella building (181 Elizabeth St) and finishes at Mathers House (108 Bathurst St), where a light afternoon tea will be served. All are welcome to join the walk.

* Names of Tasmanian elder abuse victims have been changed.