‘My MIL wants to name our daughter after my husband’s dead childhood friend’

“She always talks about how they were supposed to get married as adults..."

For as long as Lena* and Kyle* have been together, his mother has found issues in their relationship. 

It all started when Kyle met his childhood best friend, Adriana*; growing up, the pair were inseparable. Their bond was so strong that Kyle’s mother became convinced the two would get married. 

However, when the friends were 18, Adriana was tragically killed in a car accident. 

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Lena doesn't want to name her daughter after his husband's dead childhood friend. Picture: iStock

"I told myself I would name one of my children after her"

Following the loss of his best friend, Kyle made a promise to himself that he would honour her later in life. 

“The two of us were friends for our whole lives,” he told Reddit. “Once she left my life, I told myself I would name one of my children after her.” 

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Kyle and Lena met a few years later at university when a friend set them up on a blind date. It didn’t take long for them to become a couple and settle down.  

However, despite spending years together, getting married and having a child, Kyle’s mother, Janet*, refuses to accept Lena as her daughter-in-law. 

According to Lena, who shared her side of the story on a Reddit thread, her MIL would constantly compare her to Kyle’s friend Adriana and “always talked about how they were supposed to get married as adults”. 

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Despite this continuous argument from his mother, Kyle insists he never had feelings for Adriana and their relationship was purely “platonic”. 

But it hasn’t stopped his mother from referring to Lena as the “second choice”, who wouldn’t have even had a chance with Kyle if Adriana was still alive. 

“I was hoping she'd calm down once we were married, but that's obviously not the case,” heartbroken Lena said. Understandably, Lena is deeply super by her MIL”s poisonous words. “It hurts being constantly compared to the woman my husband could have been with,” Lena said. 

To make matters worse, when Lena and Kyle had their first child, Janet refused to see him because he wasn’t her “real grandbaby”. Why? Because it’s not Adriana’s baby, obviously. 

“Hell, she refused to believe the kid was mine,” Kyle confessed on Reddit, one of the reasons why the pair decided to scale back their visits to Janet's house. The last time Lena and Kyle saw his mother was at their son’s first birthday party, and together, they vowed they wouldn’t keep in contact while she maintained this attitude towards their family. 

“My husband always defends and stands up to his mother when it comes down to it,” Lena wrote. “I know he cares about me, but I worry sometimes if he'll subconsciously start believing what she says. I know I'm his wife, I'm the woman he married and has kids with, but it's hard not to feel secondary sometimes.” 

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Two months ago, the American couple learned they were having a second child - this time, a girl. 

At first, Lena was a bit worried that her husband would be “one of those boy-only fathers”, but upon hearing the news, he “almost cried finding out we'd have a girl”. 

It wasn’t long before Kyle began workshopping names for their future child, but then came the bombshell: he wanted to name their daughter after Adriana.  

While he insisted that it was just to honour his best friend, Lena felt “upset” by the suggestion, “especially since his mother is so hung up about them being together”. Furious by the suggestion, she picked up their son and left the house in a huff. 

“I just needed time for myself, and I don't want to confront him right now,” she said. After talking to friends and family, everyone agreed she should just take the name on the chin and let her husband name their baby Adriana, even if it makes her uncomfortable. 

“My mama has just told me to stop arguing over it and just let him choose her name since she's his only daughter,” she said. “While I understand the sentiment is sweet, I don't want to feel pressured into a name that I know I'll regret.”

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“I think your MIL is awful and must get over herself”

Both posts went viral on Reddit, with people accusing Kyle of constantly bringing up Adriana knowing it was a point of contention for Lena. 

“You know that this whole ‘Adriana’ thing is a source of trauma for your wife,” one person berated the man. 

“Your mother has made Adriana’s name totally toxic...like radioactive waste toxic,” another agreed. 

“[Lena] should name their son after her ex,” someone suggested. “Her mum can spend all her time saying how amazing her ex was and how the wife should have married the ex. Her mum can say how their son looks like the ex or has interests like the ex. It'll be so much fun for Kyle!”

The majority of people were on Lena’s side of the argument and told her to stay strong in the fight against Janet's campaign against her. 

“While the name is pretty, the association is the issue,” a person defended Lena’s argument. “Baby names are always a mutual decision by both parents,” another agreed. 

“I think your MIL is awful and must get over herself,” read a comment.

“You shouldn’t have to name your baby something you don’t wanna name it. You’re the one who’s literally sacrificing their body and putting their life at risk to bring life into this world. You should have more say on the name.” 

*Names have been changed

Originally published as ‘My MIL wants to name our daughter after my husband’s dead childhood friend’