‘If you’re always exhausted by your children, you’re doing parenting wrong’

“If only everyone applied this, kids would be lovable!”

Have you ever found yourself channelling your inner Charlotte York and literally locking yourself away in a cupboard to get away from your children and finally have a moment to yourself?

Your unruly children have been driving you up the wall; the sound of their voices is drilling into your brain and won’t leave your side, becoming the literal definition of an ‘ankle-biter’. 

All you need is a moment of tranquillity, but no matter how hard you try, you just can’t achieve it. 

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“I was barely surviving motherhood”

Luckily, Amber, a mum-of-two from the US, is here to offer her advice to parents who seem ever-exhausted from their children. 

She started the now-viral video by explaining that there are “probably one of two things happening” to parents who “constantly need a break from your kids”. 

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“If you fix these two things, then you will literally never need a break from your kids,” she said. A hefty promise, indeed. 

“Before I made these changes, I was barely surviving motherhood. I was exhausted. I felt like a shell of a person,” she recalled. 

“Once I made these changes and focused on teaching the kids so that we can live in a very nice, peaceful area and did less of these entertaining kids and activities because honestly life is full of lessons.” 

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She explained that parents are typically “running around like chickens with their head cut off, trying to keep their kids busy or entertain their kids or have their kids in some activity at all times”. 

In Amber’s circles, she’s used to hearing other parents saying, “Gotta keep the kids busy. Gotta keep the kids occupied” and constantly “trying to turn every moment into like a very teachable moment and like a lesson”. 

It’s got to a point where parents are overly concerned by their children’s academic output. 

“We're very worried about our kids being the smartest and working on everything,” she continued. In turn, it’s starting to take a toll on parents. “It's expending so much energy as a parent,” she said.

The American woman explained that a friend of hers, who has a hardworking and “genius” child, ensures her kids are “working on something every waking moment”, be it “working on learning and memorising and reciting”.

However, as her friend was constantly working on something or keeping her kids occupied with their school, she quickly became burned out. “My friend cannot wait to put these kids to bed,” she said. “She puts them to bed earlier and earlier each night.”

Amber theorised that if parents “lessen” the amount of things their kids are doing, “the desperate need for a break goes down because you're not putting out as much energy”. 

And in circumstances where children aren’t behaving themselves at the supermarket or running errands, it’s the perfect “opportunity to teach/train your kids how to not act crazy.”. 

“Any time the kids' behaviour is exhausting you, that means that's a teachable moment,” Amber said. “I know so many people that don't want to go to the grocery store with their kids because they're worried they'll break the eggs and they'll run around and scream.”

The American woman said this was the perfect opportunity to be stricter with the kids and set rules to stop them from acting this way. “You need to teach them not to do that so that there's no stress going [on],” she said. 

“If your kids are polite and stand near you and are helpful at the grocery store, that's not something that you'll need a break from your kids to do,” she added. 

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According to Amber, there are two ways to stop parents from getting exhausted. Picture: ciaoamberc/TikTok

“Kids are annoying, and it’s not normal to be with them 24/7, 365 days a year”

While plenty of parents were thankful for the advice, it clearly isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach. 

“This works for children and parents who are neurotypical,” a parent wrote. “[I’m] autistic, and so is my youngest. Frequent breaks are necessary and healthy.”

“My struggle is my oldest is on the spectrum, and his younger brother feeds off of his energy,” added another. “I’m exhausted every day.”

Another said they “kind of agree, but in regards to the training part, how am I supposed to train my 20-month-old to not scream at my feet when I’m trying to make dinner or do basic cleaning?”

“My son does NOT listen,” a fourth penned. 

“Disagree,” a mum wrote. “Everyone needs a break now and then. Kids are annoying, and it’s not normal to be with them 24/7, 365 days a year.”

However, plenty of other parents “completely agree” with Amber’s advice. 

“I love this point of view!” a parent wrote. “If only everyone applied this, kids would be lovable!” laughed another. 

Another mum said the advice was “so true” and helps “make your kids feel capable and confident”.

Originally published as ‘If you’re always exhausted by your children, you’re doing parenting wrong’