I refuse to see my in-laws again unless my wife learns to do one simple thing

“Before we had kids, this wasn't as big of a deal … Now though, with two young kids, it's exhausting, and I absolutely hate it.” 

Any child of divorced parents understands how difficult it can be to keep the peace.

*Michelle's parents divorced when she was a teenager, and for the last 15 or so years, she has spent her time trying to please everyone the best she can. 

The families live 20 minutes from each other but in opposite locations, so travelling between houses can be taxing.

For her husband, Jason*, all he can see is “competition” between her mum, dad and step-mum. 

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

Jason can't be bothered keeping up with his in-laws' demands. Picture: iStock

Dad’s in-laws fight for “equal” time with the family

“Everything has to be equal,” Jason explained on Reddit. “Meaning if we spend an afternoon with her mum, then we have to do the same thing with her dad and stepmum.”

And if, for any reason, Michelle can’t make it to a catch-up, her mum and step-mum will “put a lot of pressure” on her, which spirals into “guilt-tripping.” 

RELATED: ‘I accidentally spilled my sister’s secret, now the family won’t speak to me’

This wasn’t really a big deal for the American couple during the first few years of their relationship, Jason explained. 

“If we had to attend two or three different Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings, not a huge deal,” he said. “I mean, it sucked, but it wasn't the end of the world.” 

However, now they’re parents to a three-year-old and one-year-old, things have changed, and Jason is reaching the end of his tether. 

“With two young kids, it's exhausting, and I absolutely hate it,” he said. 

Introducing our new podcast: Mum Club! Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

In Jason’s opinion, his wife has “a lot of trouble standing up for herself”, which results in her saying yes to every event. He and Michelle have had “numerous talks about setting boundaries”, but nothing seems to be working. 

“The bickering and pressure is constant and the need to keep everything ‘equal’ essentially determines our entire non-work schedule,” he said. It also takes precious time away from his own family, resulting in numerous arguments with his siblings about prioritising their time better. 

The final straw was during the Easter weekend when the family “had” to attend two separate lunches: one with Michelle’s mum and another with her dad and stepmum. 

Fed up with the “BS”, Jason launched into his wife, and told her she had to “start setting boundaries and saying ‘no.’” 

“I told her I won't allow her parents to continue to dictate how we live our lives,’ he said, adding “If she is incapable of doing this, then I will absolutely step in and tell them off.”  

RELATED: My sister refuses to visit our new house unless I do one thing for her nephew

In response, Michelle “begged” Jason not to say anything, lest he “ruffle feathers” in the family. Instead, she promised she would “do better” to say no to attending every event. 

“Of course, that didn't happen,” Jason huffed. 

The last long weekend the family celebrated was the exact same story, this time having to travel to three separate houses.  

“After we got home from the last stop, I told my wife I am done with this and will now pick and choose which things I want to go to,” he said. “I won't stop her from going and I will stay home with one or both kids if she doesn't want to take them, but I'm done.” 

A few days after discussing plans for the next public holiday, Jason got a surprise call from Michelle’s stepdad, *Owen. Soon realising his wife “must have vented to her mum” about the spat, Jason began discussing it with Owen. 

“He told me that he completely agrees with me and that he's talked with his wife numerous times about not pressuring my wife, but she doesn't listen either,” Jason said. 

So the pair came up with a brilliant plan: “Whenever [Michelle’s mum] pressures my wife into keeping things ‘equal’ … he and I go golfing together instead.” 

Well, Michelle certainly did not like that idea, calling Jason a “jerk” for even considering it and accusing him of not “being unsupportive.” 

RELATED: ‘I miss them terribly’: The weird reason this grandma can’t see her grandkids

“I'm team Step Dad…”

The issue was far more common than Jason may have realised, with people on Reddit flocking to the comment section to share their words of wisdom. 

“I feel for ya,” someone said. “My wife's parents are still together and try to monopolise our time. I couldn't imagine having two pairs doing that. There would be great turmoil.”

“I was in your wife’s shoes for a very long time,” said another. “And honestly, it won’t get better until she realises that the aftermath of her parents’ divorce is not her issue to mitigate.”

Some offered their suggestions for Michelle to say to her parents: 

“With two young kids, it is just not possible to keep running around to different households for events and holidays,” the advice read. “We are finding we don't have time to establish our own traditions with the children because we are trying to 'keep the peace' between you two.” 

Others supported Jason and Owen’s alternative plans. “I'm team Step Dad,” read a comment. 

“Go golfing. Teach the kids to play golf. Go have peaceful, relaxing holidays away from the grown-up children and their tantrums.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as I refuse to see my in-laws again unless my wife learns to do one simple thing