My sister refuses to visit our new house unless I do one thing for her nephew

“Now it's our fault they don’t get to come to family gatherings anymore,” the frustrated father said.

Alexandra Feiam

4 min read

May 29, 2024 - 11:28AM

Family Life

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For years, the meeting place for all family events took place at *Simon’s house.

He and his wife, Kate* live in an area that’s close to everyone in their family, so it’s naturally the go-to place for family events and entertaining.

There, they raised their daughter and made life-long memories within its four walls; now, it was time to pack up and move to a new place.

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Simon's house was better equipped for his sister's son. Picture: iStock

“We like having our house how it is…”

A few weeks after moving into their home, Simon and Kate invited a few family members over for the first time.

Among some of the invitees were Simon’s sister, Lucy*, her daughter Georgia* and her son, Michael*.

“He's an older kid,” Simon explained on Reddit. “But he is severely developmentally delayed and gets into things.

In Simon’s old house, Lucy had no issues letting her son run around and play, as she knew he was always in safe hands.

“Our old house was super childproof,” Simon explained. “I think we went a bit overkill for our daughter, but we were nervous new parents.”

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But the new house was a different story; Simon and Kate “didn’t bother” childproofing their new place “since we feel like our daughter is old enough.”

This was terrible news for his sister Lucy, who wound up having a “rough time” when visiting them. Now that their home wasn’t childproofed, “she had to keep a constant watch on her son.”

Before Lucy and her kids left Simon’s house, she pulled her brother aside and said they would wait “until we installed the child-proofing stuff before they visited again.”

Simon was confused, and told her they had “no plans” on reinstalling their old childproofing stuff in the house “because our daughter didn't need it anymore”, and since they didn’t keep any of it from their old house, they’d have to repurchase everything from scratch.

To Simon and Kate, it just seems like a hassle. “I swear that stuff is just made to be aggravating,” he added, “and we like having our house how it is, so we don't want it.”

Despite their refusal to buy everything again, Simon’s “family has offered to pay for new childproofing stuff.” But Simon and Kate keep turning them down; they don’t want to childproof their new home just for the sake of his sister.

Since rejecting the proposal, Kate and Simon have been accused of “being mean and exclusionary to not accommodate [Lucy’s son]".

So Simon came up with a solution: “I think my sister could just keep a closer watch on her son, but apparently, that's too hard to do constantly.”

In Lucy’s defence, she said she “has to [watch her son] everywhere else already”, and now that Simon and Kate refuse to childproof their new home, they’re taking “away one of the few places that was safe for him".

If Simon doesn’t childproof his home, it’s “going to be too much trouble for [Lucy and her kids] to come".

This was proven correct last weekend when Lucy refused to show up to a family barbecue.

“Which also meant her daughter couldn't come, and she likes coming,” Simon wrote. “So now it's our fault she doesn't get to come to family gatherings anymore.”

“Mothering a special needs kid isn’t easy when it’s not in your own home”

While many were sympathetic to Lucy’s predicament, the idea of forcing someone to childproof their home was “absurd".

“I wouldn’t do it,” someone advised. “I did it for my sister’s kids. It’s expensive and time-consuming and I hated having to fight to open doors and cabinets.”

“It's your house. Why would you childproof it when you don't have a need for that?” asked another.

But others respected her wishes, too.

“You aren’t obligated to do anything to your house, but she’s also not obligated to visit,” someone said. “It’s up to you how you want to handle that.”

“It’s your house. Your rules,” agreed another. “But don’t be surprised or hurt when she doesn’t come over. Mothering a special needs kid isn’t easy when it’s not on your own home turf.”

“I have a disabled son, it’s my responsibility to watch after him,” a parent chimed in. “If you want to childproof a single room (maybe a playroom) that would be nice. But you absolutely don’t have to.”

*Names have been changed