Jana Hocking on why straight men enjoy flirting with gay men

Many men have been known to ‘slide into’ someone’s DMs but many ‘straight men’ are asking for something you might not imagine.

Late one Saturday afternoon, I was guzzling rosé, and enjoying overpriced cheese on a picnic spread in the middle of Centennial Park with a group of my favourite people.

We had been there over an hour, and so the conversation was fun and rather loose. We were laughing about a story my friend *John was telling about the time he went to a house viewing and the female agent asked him out for a drink.

Thinking she knew he was gay, he plodded along, happy to make a new friend. Until she stuck her tongue down his throat at the end of the night and followed up with a text saying she can’t wait for their next date.

We roared with laughter and then pondered on just ‘how gay’ John appeared. Turns out, he really doesn’t have those Will and Grace over the top theatrical gay vibes about him at all.

Which then led the conversation to why people just assume if you have strong masculine energy you must be straight. Before you could blink an eyelid, a few of the guys had whipped out their phones and were sharing with us messages from ‘straight men’ who had slid into their DM’s for a bit of flirty fun.

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It’s amazing what you can learn over a few glasses of wine.

It was a laugh, and a touch scandalous, but when I pondered on it later that night, I felt a bit sad. Sad that these so-called straight guys felt like they had to explore their sexuality in secret.

Having binge-watched all of Schitt’s Creek, I longed for a world similar to what was portrayed on the show. Despite the lead character, David, marrying a man, there was never a ‘coming out’ storyline or a ‘I’m gay’ storyline. Just one simple dialogue where his best friend subtly inquires about his sexual preference and he responds with “I like the wine, not the label.” Enough said.

I have a strong feeling that’s what it’s going to be like for the next generation, so why aren’t we there yet?

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If only the world was more like Schitt’s Creek.

This week on my podcast Kinda Sorta Dating, I had the brilliant sex columnist, Nadia Bokody, on for a chat about discovering she is a lesbian in her mid-30s.

Having dated blokes for most of her life, and even married one, it wasn’t until she explored her sexual feelings towards women in secret that she realised she wasn’t just going through a phase.

Nadia Bokody realised she’s a lesbian in her mid-30s. Picture: Instagram.

Having grown up in a strong religious household, and at a time when same-sex relationships weren’t openly recognised in movies and TV shows, she explained that she wasn’t exposed to that kind of lifestyle choice.

Nadia said that during her formative years, she believed the feelings she was having towards women were “perverted”. Hence why, despite being incredibly open about her love life in her columns, she never felt comfortable enough to share her bi-curiosity.

Thankfully, having emersed herself in the world more and mixing with people from all walks of life, she discovered that what she was feeling was actually very normal, and she felt comfortable to live her life more authentically.

Her journey to this discovery is fascinating and what she has learnt since will really keep you captivated, so make sure you tune in, but more importantly it got me thinking … how far into the future will it be, before we realise that sexuality sits on a spectrum and it really doesn’t matter where any of us sit on it, as long as we are happy?

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking

*name changed

Originally published as Jana Hocking on why straight men enjoy flirting with gay men