Jana Hocking’s two-second test to see if you should marry someone

It’s hard to know if your partner is “the one” but podcaster Jana Hocking has revealed there’s an easy way to tell if you should marry someone.

There are few things in life that mark a significant stage. The first would be going to school, the second would be leaving home, the third would probably be choosing your career path and the fourth would be marriage. Which then of course leads to kids.

I have made the leap in all stages but the fourth, and it’s because I really don’t take it lightly.

In fact, if I’m honest, I find it pretty darn overwhelming. Being in my mid-30s, I’ve now got to witness quite a few friends go through divorce, and add those stories to my own parents’ divorce, and good lord, I shan’t be doing anything that puts me at risk of that kind of drama in a hurry.

It’s why I’ve always wanted to be 100 per cent sure about the bloke I want to marry. In fact, in this week’s podcast with former MKR winner and fellow 30-something singleton Steve Flood, I shared my ‘marriage test’ with him.

This test allows me to decide whether it’s a “firm yes” or “hard no” when deciding whether to continue dating someone.

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Jana Hocking, columnist for news.com.au and host of the Kinda Sorta Dating podcast. Picture: Instagram

I usually do it after quite a few dates, say three months down the track. I take a good look at the bloke and then imagine myself at the start of the wedding aisle. I think to myself, “If I arrived at the aisle and looked down to see them waiting for me at the other end, would I light up and be genuinely excited to see them? Would I think to myself ‘How the heck did I get so lucky to marry them?’ or … Would I just think, ‘OK cool, they seem like a good person, and I reckon I could have a decent life with them, so let’s do this.’”

If it’s the first option, I continue dating them. If it’s the second option, which just seems like settling, I cut it off at the cord.

The second option doesn’t offer an extraordinary love, it offers a safe love.

We all know one of those couples who have been married for 20 years and appear to still be madly in love. I remember when I was a teen and my family went on holidays with my best friend’s family and at breakfast one morning my bff’s parents were canoodling like teenagers. At the time I thought ‘gross’ but I look back now and think, ‘That’s the kinda marriage I want!’

Happy to report that my bestie’s parents are still madly in love all these years later. So the way I look at it is, it’s honestly attainable.

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Jana Hocking doesn’t want to settle in order to get married.

My biggest fear is freaking out that I’m 36 years old and settling for a guy that doesn’t make my heart go “va va voom” just because I let age shade my judgment. Nope, I genuinely believe it’s better to hold out for the real thing.

Despite having differing opinions on some topics we spoke about on the podcast (which always makes for a good chat), Steve and I both agreed on the marriage theory.

He shared a very honest story about how he knew his former long-term partner wasn’t the one. He remembers they were both in a bridal party at a wedding, and while the bride and groom were saying their vows he looked over at his girlfriend and asked himself the question ‘Could I see us in that same position? Pledging a lifetime of love to each other?’ Heartbreakingly, he realised that no, he couldn’t, and it was at that moment he knew the relationship was over.

Being in my 30s, and having seen quite a few friends go through divorce, I wonder if they would have come up with the same answer had they tried the marriage test themselves?

I’ve seen friends freak out before their wedding and reach out to exes. I’ve seen other friends worry that their fertility may expire, which has seen them shack up in remarkable speed. And we’ve all known someone who let their dream wedding day take over any form of rational thinking.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of marriages that have lasted well past our 30s, in fact, according to statistics, over half of them! So I’m not saying that those who shacked up early are doomed, heck no.

I’m just saying that until I find “my person”, you know, the person I literally want to skip down the aisle to, I’m going to wait. Because let’s be honest, settling seems rather dull.

Jana Hocking is a podcaster and collector of kind-of-boyfriends | @jana_hocking