A life-saving reason to make number 2s the number 1 priority

Columnist Andrew Gale is feeling the urge to end the taboo surrounding poo. And for good reason.

In 2015 we learned that the infamous 'poo emoji' is actually an image of ice cream, so Mr Poopie will be a fitting Splendour homage to such a first world problem. Picture: Contributed

I DON'T know what you got up to on the weekend.

You might have gone away, played or watched sport or even celebrated a family event or milestone.

I just stayed at home. Did a poop on a square of paper and then poked it with a stick.

Oh no.

"The idiot might have just cracked for good,” you may have just said (that is if you are still reading after that intro.)

Or perhaps you, just like me, have heard a memorable radio advertisement for bowel cancer screening that featured that line.

I'm sure you've also seen the commercials with Shane Jacobson, "Kenny” who asks us to "Make a date - with your date.”

Or to "Make number two your number one priority.” Catchy stuff.

Federal and state governments are making a big thing out of this. So why are they?

According to a recent press release from Queensland Health, about three Queenslanders die of bowel cancer every day.

Once you hit 50, the risk goes up quickly.

Bowel cancer develops slowly and usually without any early warning signs.

Early intervention though means about 90 per cent are able to beat that cancer so that's why they're pushing it. Simple.

The same press release also told me that only about 50 per cent of kits issued to women and only about 30 per cent of men are actually used and returned.

Wow. That's crazy.

Hey, I know men in particular are crappy (pun intended) at looking after their health in general but those numbers, to do a free simple test that might just save your life are plain crazy.

You don't have to even go anywhere to do the test.

TOO EASY: The National Bowel Cancer Screening Program kit. Picture: Bowel Cancer Australia

It turns up conveniently at your house. And when you're done you simply post it back.

So why are people so reluctant?

Surely it's not just apathy. Is it because the subject of poo is so taboo?

It's dirty and stinky and all that.

We do it, flush it and forget it.

I'll admit I was a bit cautious when I first heard about it.

My thoughts were straight away drawn to a time many years ago when I was required to provide a stool sample for a medical.

I really shouldn't have tried to just "go” in the tiny container. Oops. Too much info.

This is simple. You simply place a supplied sheet of paper into the toilet bowl.

Do your business, and then dip a little stick like an earbud into it. Just a tiny bit.

That goes into a little tube thing and you seal it up.

Then just flush their paper and the other 99.99 per cent of your "BM” away.

Repeat the procedure again the next time you feel the urge.

Fill out the paperwork and seal it all in the supplied envelope and pop it in the post. That's it.

The chances of ending up with any of the unmentionable substances on you is absolutely minimal.

I'd say probably 100 times less likely than from wiping your backside afterwards or giving the toilet bowl a clean.

A couple of weeks later a letter turns up in the mail and at your doctor's office.

In my case all clear.

That's better than I can say for the previous stool test I did all those years ago.

As I recall, I was so embarrassed to be handing over a jar full of my poop to someone, I just never went back.

Originally published as A life-saving reason to make number 2s the number 1 priority