What do men want? Apparently it’s not what women think | Robyn Ingerson

One minute you’re on high alert for the red flags and then this happens, writes Robyn Ingerson.

What we think men want and what they are looking for are, in fact, quite different.

I discovered this having spent the past few years on my own, reframing mentally, financially, physically, retraining my somewhat complex brain on the law of true love, what that might look like if I happened to stumble across it or, as it turned out, bump into it at our local supermarket.

I spent four weeks as a social experiment on a random dating site. Let me tell you, dating sites are not for the faint hearted.

If you ever need a more convincing demonstration of why broadening your sexual orientations might be a really good idea, join a dating app.

I know many have had success but, wow, I was seeing a lot of cross-eyed men or AI-generated images, and not in a good way!

Subsequently, I ditched the dating site, got my “Om” on at yoga, spent quality time with my girlfriends, travelling, reading, getting into the groove of being totally at ease at being self-partnered!

Imagine my shock (or his) when the fridge door opened. Picture: iStock

I enjoyed my own company enormously and, to be truthful, it was going to take one amazing fella to shift the status quo.

So, without revealing all the detail, I have re-met someone I have known since I was 15.

It is wonderful, fun, respectful and I am having the time of my adult life.

When you are a certain age, you do look for the red flags. It is self-protection, not sabotage. Sometimes they appear in the early phase of a new relationship like lining your shoes up against the wall when you leave the room, vacuuming after dinner, not using deodorant, bad kisser, absolute deal breaker!

But then you think, hang on, I am looking for the red flags, perhaps they are doing the same! Then you open your fridge one morning and see the whole shop has been rearranged!

There are shops within the shop – cheese, smallgoods, condiments, dairy, drinks, all have their own sections like a Barney’s New York department store.

My immediate reaction was shock, then ‘wow, this is how some people live’. An ordered, catalogued life. I actually quite like it.

Instead of standing there looking for the butter, now I go straight to level three, side door. Mornings are a snap.

Love comes in many forms, that, we know.

There is something great about acknowledging the slight improvements you can make, adjust or change to meet your new partners ways.

My dear friend Toota said, “Darling girl, you just need to have tolerance and communicate”. Great advice.

I am yet to find anything this fella needs to change, and I have stopped looking.

There seems to be a bit I need to improve on, which I am sure you will all have a big laugh over that!

My kitchen drawers may need attention, my pantry, medicine cabinet, but the really wonderful surprise, when you do find that right person is uncomplicated acceptance.

The joy of spending time, breaking bread, sharing families, laughing, enjoying nature, celebrating independence.

It is not based on shallow, societal norms, or expectations. It is based on a life lived.

So girls, go clean your fridges!

Originally published as What do men want? Apparently it’s not what women think | Robyn Ingerson