Annette Sharp: How banning social media impacted my daughters

Called weird, strict, paranoid and radical for implementing a social media ban on her daughters in 2014, Annette Sharp asks them how the ban impacted their lives.

Ten years ago, fearing the impact of the rising tide of invasive, addictive, unchecked social media on my young daughters, then aged 13, 11 and seven, I introduced a social media ban for my children. That was in the dying months of 2014.

The ban was set until age 18 – much older than the under 14 years now being proposed by the South Australian government, and 16 as championed by this masthead’s Let Them Be Kids campaign, which is launched today.

While two of my daughters are now adults and now have social media, the youngest, now 16, continues to navigate it.

Back in 2014, a vast majority of people who knew of the ban told me that I was weird, strict, paranoid and radical for implementing it.

Annette Sharp's three daughters – now aged (from left) 16, 22 and 20 – open up about their mother's 2014 social media ban.

This week, I sat down with my girls and asked them how they felt the ban had impacted their lives.

Did it have a negative impact? Did they feel they’d missed out? Had they breached it? Did they resent me for it?

In the interest of preserving their privacy, I have dubbed the girls Angelica, Eliza and Peggy for this interview (with apologies to the musical Hamilton).

“Angelica”, now 22, was a shy, sensitive 13-year-old Comicon fanatic who enjoyed her own company when I implemented the ban when she was in Year 7.

Q: What did you think when I implemented the ban?

A: It made sense I think. I didn’t think that much about it because I wasn’t actually that interested in social media and I think I was lucky because I also had friends that weren’t that interested in it.

Q: You don’t remember pestering me, in about Year 4 and 5, for (the app) Kick, which you said all the kids were getting?

A: Hmmm. No. Oh, maybe. They did sit around and talk about Kick a lot.

Q: I never sensed you were unhappy about the ban. Were you?

A: No, ’cos it made sense. If you look up anything about Tumblr, you’ll see that there are subcultures on it that were pro-eating disorders, pro ana – which is pro anorexia – which is people being like “We’re going to be skinny”.

There’s that kind of thing and also more sinister stupid stuff. But also, I’m not actually that social, so it really didn’t bother me.

“Angelica” was aware there was “sinister stupid stuff” like pro anorexia accounts on social media. Picture: Supplied

Q: Did you experience any peer pressure?

A: Peer pressure only in the way that peer pressure actually is – which is people just talking about it among themselves, taking about memes, having a laugh, talking about Vine – Vine was a big one. And just the fear of missing out.

Q: Was it hard to be out of the loop?

A: Ummm, there were much harder things going on for me in high school. A lack of social media paled into comparison to all the other stuff.

Q: Did you break the ban?

A: I did slightly sneakily get Pinterest (in Year 11) when my art teacher told the class to get it and make a Pinterest board. (It) is technically a social media, but I just used it as a prettier Google images basically, and you’re going to need it if you’re going to be a creative kid or … a girl. I think that tied me over.

Q: What would have been the right age to get it?
A: I think 15 or 16.

“Eliza”, now 20, was a gregarious, outgoing 11-year-old at the centre of school activities when I introduced the ban. She was in Year 5.

Q: Do you remember when I executed the social media ban?

A: I remember being in primary school and “Angelica” trying to get Kick and you looking into it a lot. And then eventually saying no.

Q: How did you feel about it?

A: I think in Year 6 I was most frustrated by it because in Year 6, and in Year 5, the cool kids were being separated from the non-cool kids and the amount of Instagram followers you had was important. Snapchat and Instagram were important in those years. I remember in Year 6 kids comparing Instagram followers, and I felt so insecure for two reasons.

First, because I was scared that when we went to high school – because they all had Instagram and Snapchat and I didn’t – I’d lose touch with people. But also because I was thinking, well, by the time I’m finally allowed to have social media, everyone’s gonna have thousands more followers than me and it’s gonna take me years to catch up.

Q: So there was peer pressure?

A: Well, yeah, because by the end of Year 6 it mattered how many followers you had. It sort of felt like you established on Instagram who you were going to be in high school. So everyone was obsessed with what their profiles looked like. It was crazy.

Like I can vividly remember standing in a Year 6 classroom with people going “Oh, I’ve got 500 followers. You’ve only got 400 …” Like hundreds!! In Year 6 I was completely frustrated about it. It was the worst year to not have Instagram or Snapchat and kids were like “Just get it. It makes it so much easier. Why don’t you just get it and not tell your mum … she’ll never know anyway.”

“Eliza” remembers in Year 6 feeling the peer pressure from how many Instagram or Snapchat followers other kids had. Picture: iStock

Q: Do you think that’s strange? For 10- and 11-year -olds to be obsessed with social media?

A: I think it’s not safe.

Q: Did it get easier in high school?

A: By the time I got to high school I’d left that group of friends, the kind of people who prioritised popularity, and had made better friends, friends more like me. So social media wasn’t really a problem for me in high school.

Q: Did you resent me or think I was doing the wrong thing?

A: I’ve always trusted, because I know you, I’ve always trusted your rules … so I understood why it was in place. Also, even then I was thinking it was strange these kids had to lie about their age to get it – which they did and which was totally normal for them. To lie.

Q: I never sensed you were unhappy about the ban. Were you?

A: Definitely. Definitely, definitely unhappy. Definitely. In Year 5 and 6 I was very frustrated.

Q: What age should kids be allowed to have it?

A: I think 16 would have been a much more appropriate age to lift the ban but, in relation to the South Australian government proposal, I think 14 is good, too.

“Peggy”, 16 and currently in Year 11, is also social, outgoing and sporty with a large friendship group. She was seven in Year 1 when the ban was introduced.

Q: Do you remember me introducing the ban?

A: No, I just thought it was forever. Also, I’ve never thought of it as a ban. It’s just a rule. It’s just like doing your dishwasher on dishwasher day.

Q: When did you first become aware of social media?
A: When I was in about Year 2 or 3 I would go to my friend’s house and she had Musical.ly, which is what TikTok was before it was TikTok, and we would just do little dances together. It was much later, when TikTok became a popular thing, that I realised something was up. I was like: “Why is, like, everyone obsessed with doing a little funny dance?” And then I discovered everybody could see it, not just your parents.

Q: Do you feel pressure to be on it?
A: Not really, because even though my friends are on it all the time, they show me the things they think I would want to see – like the Taylor Swift Tea or whatever – and hand me their phones sometimes so I can Snap someone back.

We were actually joking the other day about how I’m the annoying friend they have to constantly create a special group chat for. It makes me special, is how I see it. I think I would hate to be on it because it would be so annoying because I would want to be on it all the time.

Q: And that’s because you have serious FOMO, right?

A: Yes! I would be obsessing because I know that’s what I’d do. Somewhere in a parallel universe I’ve got social media and I am obsessed with it. You know me. I’ve got pretty major FOMO.

“Peggy” admits she would have had a serious case of FOMO if she had had her own social media account earlier. Picture: iStock

Q: You and “Eliza” both found yourselves put on the spot when a teacher, in about Year 8, asked everyone in the class to put up their hand if they had social media and you didn’t.

A: Me and one other person didn’t. And sure, I could have been embarrassed or felt ostracised I suppose, but for me it was like a massive flex. I love telling people I don’t have Snapchat.

Q: Why?

A: Because every knows social media is bad, right, but nobody has the willpower to go through with getting rid of it. I never had the option but I don’t know what I’m missing either, so I’m not missing anything. Understand? It’s like saying I’ve never smoked.

Q: Do you feel happy you’ve been protected from it?

A: Yes and, sometimes, if I’m not protected by others I get annoyed. This is something I’ve only come across recently and that’s friends posting pictures of me without getting my permission. Now, I love my friends and I know they don’t have any bad intentions, but I like to be asked before someone posts a shot of me.

Q: If you’re watching YouTube Shorts, are you breaking the ban?
A: No, I don’t think so. It’s just bootlegged TikToks basically and I’m not creating them and posting them on a platform, they just find their way to me and I can’t really stop it while I’m watching a behind-the-scenes movie clip from Tarzan of something. It just comes through my school account and its filtered anyway.

Q: Right age for the SA government ban?
A: 15 or 16 I think.

Originally published as Annette Sharp: How banning social media impacted my daughters