My SIL wants to wear my dead mother’s wedding dress, she didn’t even meet her

“She said it would mean a lot to her because she wants to feel connected to my mum on the big day.” 

It’s been four years since Summer* lost her mother, and although the world never stopped spinning, Summer’s entire world stopped. 

She and her mother were “incredibly close”, so her death was devastating to Summer. 

When she inherited the items her mother once owned, she knew she had to protect them with every inch of her being - even if it meant hurting other family members along the way. 

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

Summer doesn't want her SIL to wear her mother's wedding dress. Picture: iStock

“My SIL asked if she could wear my mum’s wedding dress”

She and her 29-year-old brother, Dylan*, got their fair share of things from their mum, but one of the most precious items Summer inherited was her mother’s wedding dress. 

“She always talked about how much she wanted me to wear her dress when I got married,’ Summer revealed on Reddit. 

RELATED: I had a bottle of wine dumped on me at a wedding - my friend said I deserved it

While Summer had no intentions of getting married any time soon, she always loved the idea of keeping the wedding dress for herself until that day came. 

Meanwhile, her brother Dylan was planning a wedding of his own. 

While his fiancée, Mary*, never met their late mother, she wanted to maintain a connection between the two by honouring her on the wedding day. 

“My brother is getting married next year, and his fiancée recently asked if she could wear my mum’s wedding dress,” Summer wrote. “She said it would mean a lot to her because she never got to meet my mum, and she wants to feel connected to her on the big day.” 

Introducing our new podcast: Mum Club! Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

Summer was quick to acknowledge how “sweet” the gesture was, and while she understood why Mary would make the suggestion, it wasn't well-received. 

“I don’t feel comfortable with her wearing something that’s so sentimental to me,” Summer explained. “Especially since my mum always wanted me to wear it.”

So that’s exactly what she told Dylan’s fiancée, only to have the argument thrown back in her face. 

“When I told her I wasn’t OK with it, she got upset and said I was being selfish,” Summer said, flummoxed. Dylan couldn’t help but agree with his fiancée, and he told his sister she was out of line by refusing to let it go to someone else. 

In his eyes, this wasn’t a sentimental family heirloom; it was “just a dress”, and if Summer refused to let his fiancée wear it, she would be single-handedly “ruining their wedding over something that’s not a big deal”. 

But it was an enormous issue for Summer. However, the thought of causing more tension wasn’t on the cards, so she offered to “help her find a similar dress”, which Mary turned down. An alternative suggestion was to “incorporate a piece of my mum’s dress into her own gown”, but the fiancée shut that idea down, too. 

The debate about the wedding dress then spiralled even further, making its way to the rest of the family, who all put in their two cents. “Our family is now divided,” she said, with “some saying “I’m in the right and others saying I should let it go for the sake of family harmony”. 

RELATED: Which one is the bride?: MIL slammed for wearing a white gown to son’s wedding

“She has zero connection to your mum, the dress isn't going to change that”

For the majority of Redditors, the thought of Dylan’s fiancée wearing their dead mother’s wedding dress wasn’t just out of line, it was downright “creepy”. 

“Isn’t it creepy your brother wants his fiancée [to] get married in his mum’s dress?” read a comment. “I can see a dress get passed down [from] mum to daughter, but for the son to see his wife in mum’s dress and feel hot and sexy is something else.”

“She has zero connection to your mum,” another pointed out. “She never even met her; the dress isn't going to change that. Keep the dress and wear it for yourself.”

“It's funny how, when someone doesn't get what they want, suddenly you're the one being selfish,” penned a third. 

There was also a chance the dress could be ruined forever if Mary wore it. “What would happen if it got damaged that day?” someone wondered. “It might not be able to be fixed.” 

 “If it’s ‘just a dress’, then why is it such a big deal to the fiancée?” another wondered. “If it’s ‘just a dress’ and your brother wants a connection to your mum there, perhaps you should wear it to their wedding instead,” someone laughed. 

However, a few people weren’t on Summer's side. “Your mum was a mum to you and your brother,” a person wrote. “If he wants his bride to wear his mother's dress, he shouldn't need to ask for your permission.” 

“But if you never marry, it sits in a box?” asked another. “Are you concerned she’ll need to alter it, or [do] you just want it to be only for you?” 

To that, someone answered: “If she never marries, she can be buried in it. She can have it turned into throw pillows or a duvet. She can frame it and hang it on a wall. Doesn’t matter; it was never going to a stranger.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as My SIL wants to wear my dead mother’s wedding dress, she didn’t even meet her