My husband is trying to force me to have my MIL in the room while I give birth

"So, you get to have family in the room but I don't? It’s my baby too!"

Having the right people in the birthing suite can make or break the entire birthing experience.

It’s stressful and painful, and while some people want their entire family to share in the joy of the moment, others would prefer to have a select few in the room with them.

For *Pippa and *Tim, the countdown is on until they have their first daughter. With only two weeks to go until they bring their baby home, the couple have started to share their exact birthing plan with their family. 

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Pippa wants to have her own space when she gives birth. Picture: iStock

“I'd prefer not to be spread eagle in front of his family”

The plan was almost perfect, but things went awry when choosing the right people to be in the birthing suite.

The couple were at home mapping out the plans when Tim suggested Pippa’s mum, sister and best friend Gigi* would be in the room. 

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This was the lineup of relatives that he and Pippa had originally agreed to, but he hadn’t finished. 

“Obviously, my mum will be in the room, correct?” he added, which “caught [Pippa] off guard”. 

Pippa wasn’t expecting to have her mother-in-law present in the room while she gave birth and certainly wasn’t keen on the idea. 

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So she told him exactly how she was feeling, but followed it up with a solution. 

“Actually, I would prefer it if she wasn’t in the room during the birth,” she told her husband. “But I don't mind if she comes in to visit before the birth and after the birth.” 

That didn’t fly with Tim, who immediately got defensive and hit back at his wife. 

“So, you get to have family in the room but I don't?” he asked. “It’s my baby too.” 

Calmly, Pippa explained to her husband that while she doesn’t mind who is in the hospital after she gives birth to her daughter, she would prefer to keep the delivery room as intimate as possible. 

“I'd prefer not to be spread eagle in front of his family,” she bluntly said. 

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But there’s another reason why she expressly doesn’t want her MIL in the same room as her. 

“I especially don't feel comfortable with his mum being there at all, because she had shamed me and judged me during my entire pregnancy,” Pippa confessed. 

But her husband still didn’t get the picture, arguing it was unfair that his family was being neglected from the scene.

“He was really set on the fact that it’s his baby too, which I already know,” she said. “But like I said, I just don't want them there DURING the birth, I don't mind before and after.”

Since she laid down her rules and expectations, he has stopped speaking to her. “I'm afraid of when I have the baby, that he won't accept my wishes and still let her in the room, or worse he just won't show up at all,” she said.

RELATED: ‘They told me it was all in my head’: Mum reveals her traumatic birth story

“Birth is not a spectator sport”

You’d be hard-pressed to find someone online who didn’t agree with Pippa’s circumstances and told her to stand firm with her decision. 

“I really don’t understand all these posts about people in the delivery room,” someone said. “Birth is not a spectator sport. It might be his baby but it’s YOUR body.”

“I hate this trend where there are a bunch of people in the room during a birth,” another agreed. “This is a medical procedure, not a baseball game.”

“I didn’t even want to be at my own births,” a woman laughed. “Your cooter, your call,” a person agreed. 

Others believe Tim was a bit distracted by the outcome of the birth, not the steps that will take place beforehand. 

“When my brother-in-law did this to my sister, she flat out told him, ‘I do not want your whole family in there looking at my VAGINA’,” a comment read. 

“The word "vagina" snapped him back to reality. In fact, he also did not want his whole family in there looking at her vagina, he just hadn't realised what giving birth actually entailed.”

*Names have been changed

Originally published as My husband is trying to force me to have my MIL in the room while I give birth