'I'll never let me kids take their iPad to their dad's again'

“I never realised people can get away with this crime so easily,” the shocked Melbourne mum reveals. “He was so clever about it - and the police did nothing.”

When *Sally separated from *Ben, her husband of 20 years, she hoped it would put an end to the domestic violence she had suffered.

“He hit me a few times,” the Melbourne mum tells Kidspot.

“One day he went to punch me in the face, and I moved my head just in time and he hit the chair I was on so hard that it flipped me onto the floor. I was shaking … the police said there was nothing they could do.”

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Little did the 51-year-old realise, however, that for years after they stopped living together, she was being financially controlled - and had fraud committed against her countless times - by the father of her three children aged 11 to 17.

During the period that she and Ben were separated but living under the same roof, Sally purchased an iPad for their children using her own funds, and connected her own credit card to the AppleID account it was set up with.

What she didn’t know at the time, however, was that her IT technician husband had set himself up as the ‘family organiser’ which allowed him to oversee every functionality of the iPad and its related accounts.

It wasn’t until two years later, long after Ben had moved out of the family home and was served with an AVO, that Sally noticed how much she was paying per month in ApplePay purchases.

“I was thinking, ‘What on earth have I bought that could add up to this much?’” she recalls.

“I approved or denied all of the kids’ purchases and it definitely didn’t make sense.”

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Sally* was subjected to domestic violence during her marriage to Ben*. Picture: Supplied

"I blamed myself at the time for not realising"

When she investigated further, Sally discovered she wasn’t being scammed by a stranger, but her now ex husband was brazenly stealing from her by making purchases through ApplePay using her registered credit card.

“It was a big shock, but I also blamed myself at the time for not realising it,” she says.

“I just never realised how easily people can get away with things like this so easily. He was clever about it, not making any huge purchases that would raise a red flag. There were things from a few dollars right up to a couple of hundred, which were AirBnB stays.

Sally came to find that for two years, she had been unknowingly paying for Ben’s internet service, his streaming subscriptions, and many other online purchases.

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“It would have been thousands of dollars - I have no way of checking just how much he spent because many aren’t itemised.”

Sally also uncovered how her ex was using the account to track her family’s movements and what she was purchasing online as Ben had secretly arranged for Sally’s ApplePay statement to be sent to his email, which was all controlled from his phone.

“He didn’t need access to the iPad at all after he set it up to control everything,” she says, still incredulous.

“He just approved all his own purchases and when they came up on the iPad, my kids didn’t think anything of it, and just hit ‘delete’.”

RELATED: 12 signs you're in a financially abusive relationship

Sally* discovered her husband was stealing money from her using her children's iPads. Picture: Supplied

"How could I explain to them what their father had done?"

With the help of an IT consultant, Sally took proof of the transactions to the police, but shockingly, no charges were laid. Ben never accepted any responsibility and has refused to reimburse Sally for anything he purchased.

“He gets out of paying maintenance, even though he has a full time job and can afford it, so he would never cop up to this because it’s all about control for him,” she says.

“The police didn’t care about this fraudulent crime and financial abuse no matter how much evidence I gave them.”

It became just as hard for Sally to remove Ben from having total control over the account.

“I couldn’t remove my credit card from the AppleID because he had to give permission for it, and wouldn’t,” she explains.

“In the end I had to hire an IT guy to come and set up everything all over again, and not only did that cost a lot of money, but the kids lost everything they had bought under my AppleID - all their movies and games from 10 years were gone and Apple couldn’t transfer any of it because I wasn’t the organiser on the account and they have strict privacy protocols. It was so horrible for my kids. How could I explain to them what their father had done?”

RELATED: 'Financial abuse is real, the man I thought I loved put me through hell'

Sally* with her three children. Picture: Supplied

"They have strict instructions not to show him their devices"

Sally has taken every measure possible to ensure the same financial abuse does not happen again.

“I cancelled the credit card, completely blocked any access from other devices for the new account and now I’m the family organiser for my kids on the iPad, and I don’t let them take their iPads or any games with internet access to their dad’s, but those visits are only for a few hours and not that often. Even now, I still get notifications from declined purchases that he’s tried to make because I shut that account down.”

There are also strict rules for the kids, who mostly see their dad when he visits them in their mother’s house while she works in her home-based business.

“I would never leave him here alone and the kids have strict instructions not to show him any of their devices,” she says of the difficult conversations they’ve had to have.

“I tell the kids that their father has abused this privilege and I can’t allow him to have access to my account. At first they resisted it, saying he wouldn’t do that, but they understand now.”

RELATED: Mum hit with $1,800 Centrelink bill thanks to ex-husband's late tax return

"I still hide my laptop every time I go out"

Sally doesn’t take any chances when the home is empty, either.

“I hide all my valuable things when I go out just in case he breaks into the house, because he’s done that before and stolen jewellery I’d inherited and the police did nothing about that as well because they said ‘you were married once’,” she says frustratedly.

“I still hide my laptop every time I go out. It’s not ok to live like that. This abuse is incredibly subtle but is so soul destroying.”

For Sally, her only option is to protect her family in the only way she can.

“I want nothing more than for him to be a regular parent who supports his kids and leaves me alone, but he has mental health issues and I’ve given up waiting for that to happen.”

*Names have been changed.

Originally published as 'I'll never let me kids take their iPad to their dad's again'