‘I gave my child photos of the abuse for the police because I knew I would be killed'

“He threw my special needs child across the room by her ear and tried to run me over with my car on the front lawn,” the distraught Perth mum and DV survivor reveals. “I knew if we didn’t get out, we would be dead.” Confronting content.

On the night she ran away from the family home - where she had been sexually abused by her own father for years - *Sam hoped a new friend’s place would be the refuge that would help her pick up the pieces from her shattered life.

Little did the then-teenager realise that was the beginning of her incredibly painful suffering at the hands of yet another man whom she hoped to trust and take care of her.

Sam’s friend who took her in soon became her partner, and the pair became parents at a very young age.

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From the get-go, the Perth mum remembers the relationship was often volatile, where she would suffer verbal and physical abuse on a regular basis.

“He was drunk all the time,” the 51-year-old tells Kidspot.

“He would hit me, choke me and spit at me. He would make up disgusting songs about me and sing them around the kids.”

She was also a victim of financial and coercive control.

“He would monitor the speedo on the car to check where I was going,” she says.

“I wasn’t allowed to go out without taking one of the kids with me as he would accuse me of sleeping with other people. He forced me to pay for everything and not use any of his money to pay the bills.”

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Sam* said her children had suffered due to the domestic violence she had been subject to. Picture: Supplied

Sam* with two of her children. Picture: Supplied

"He chased our daughter down the road and gave her a blood nose"

It wasn’t only Sam who bore the brunt of *Nate’s abuse.

“He would hit the kids to discipline them,” she says.

“One day he chased our daughter down the road and gave her a blood nose. I kept giving him chances to get better and I did that because I grew up without a mum and dad in the house and that’s all I wanted to give my kids at the time.”

After more than 10 years together, Sam knew she had no choice but to escape when her life came dangerously close to ending in the most violent of ways.

“He tried to run me over with his car,” she says emotionally.

“He had me down on the ground in the front yard. He was kicking me, all in front of our children. My legs were black from top to bottom from where he kicked me. I couldn’t walk for a week. I had nowhere to go with the kids but I never went back. I didn’t want my kids to know that I would accept someone treating me like that.”

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Sam's children would witness some of the abuse she suffered. Picture: Supplied

Sam* said once her first partner tried to run her over in his car, she knew she had to leave. Picture: Supplied

"He would choke me and punch me in front of our child"

Tragically, Sam would endure yet another cycle of domestic violence with a different long-term partner.

This time, however, she failed to see the less-obvious signs of coercion which began just a few weeks into the relationship.

“He gave the impression of this really great guy,” she says.

“He played sports, had lots of friends, a good job, and had a child from a previous relationship that he was acting so proud of. But when he moved into my house, he took over so much of my life. He would drive me everywhere, run a bath for me, lay my clothes out. At the time, I thought it was him being attentive, but it was actually controlling.”

It was after Sam gave birth to their son that she attempted to claim back some of her independence, which triggered *Craig’s behaviour to escalate in the most horrific ways.

“He would choke me and punch me in front of our child,” she remembers emotionally.

“He would take loans out in my name without me knowing, threw clothes out that he didn’t want me to wear, wake me in up in the middle of the night and scream abuse at me for hours, he threatened to throw our son down the stairs, and lock my kids in the room with him because he knew I wouldn’t leave without them.”

“One day I came home from work and saw my son sleeping when he usually wouldn’t have been, and I later found an empty bottle of Phenergan in the bathroom. He was drugging our child while I was at work to make him sleep.”

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Sam's* second relationship was also abusive. Picture: Supplied

Sam* said her partner drugged one of her children with phenergan to force them to sleep. Picture: Supplied

"He would call her a spastic and a r****d"

Craig’s attacks were so out-of-the blue and destructive that Sam often feared for her life.

“I gave my eldest child pictures of all the injuries and bruises I’ve ever had from him in case something happened to me because I knew he would kill me,” she says, fighting back tears.

“I left a couple of times to go to family, but I only went back because I had nowhere to go. I didn’t know about emergency accommodation back then.”

After years of torture, the tipping point finally came for Sam in an event that still breaks her heart to describe.

“One of my children has special needs, and he would call call her a spastic and a r****d, and one day, he dragged her into her room and threw her,” the distraught mother cries.

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I left with the kids that day.”

RELATED: 'My ex was waiting at home, so we hid in a car park & waited for the cops'

A more recent photo of Sam's* children. Picture: Supplied

"I was financially ruined from that relationship"

When she tried to take some of the children’s things, however, Sam was horribly attacked and injured.

“He wouldn’t let me leave,” she remembers.

“He pushed me and I fell onto a drop saw and cut my back open.”

Sam and the children safely escaped to a refuge, where they bravely began to rebuild their lives with only the clothes on their back.

“I left with nothing, and I was financially ruined from that relationship because of all the loans taken out in my name,” the brave mum says.

“I didn’t care about all of my things - everything the kids owned was gone. I’d even bought Christmas presents for the kids but Craig wouldn’t allow me to get them unless I went back to him. If it wasn’t for the generosity of charities and people, we would have lived with nothing.”

RELATED: New national plan to end domestic violence against women and children

Sam* with one of her daughters. Picture: Supplied

The kids are now in a safe environment, but still struggle with their mental health. Picture: Supplied

"I just wish I could take it all away for them"

While they now all live in a happy and safe family environment - with Sam enjoying a successful career and being financially independent - the emotional scars of the brutality they suffered for more than 20 years continue to haunt these domestic violence survivors.

“One of the kids tried to kill themselves, and another was cutting themselves,” she says, filled with remorse.

“They are both using mental health services to deal with the abuse they suffered. I still have a lot of guilt for what my children went through and I can’t change that. I love them so much and I just wish I could take it all away for them.”

Sam has been helped significantly by RizeUp, a community-driven organisation that operates across Australia, dedicated to providing practical support to those fleeing domestic and family violence. According to the charity, one in three Australian women have experienced physical or sexual violence perpetrated by someone known to them, and 61 percent had children in their care when the violence occurred.

The RizeUp Gala Ball - From Danger To Safety - will be held on Saturday, August 5 in Brisbane. It will raise funds and showcase the collaborative work of DVConnect, BDVS and RizeUp. Tickets for the event can be purchased here and the general public can purchase raffle tickets here.

*Names, dates, and places have been changed.

Originally published as ‘I gave my child photos of the abuse for the police because I knew I would be killed'