I forced my stepdaughter to cut her hair. I didn't want her to be vain

"The hairdresser was reluctant to do it because of her tears, but I assured her cutting it would be best for the child.” 

A stepmum has come under fire online for admitting she went behind her husband’s back and forced her 11-year-old stepdaughter to get a haircut against her will.

The woman, who vented on a popular forum, justified her decision by saying that the tween’s long hair was becoming “unmanageable”, and she wanted to prevent her from becoming “vain.”

The backlash was so harsh that one commenter even deemed the woman, “One of the biggest assholes I have ever seen on this forum.”

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"She had become obsessed with her hair"

The woman begins by explaining that she and her husband have been married for six years and he has a daughter from his previous relationship. 

“I work from home so I mainly end up taking care of her, I have since she was young,” she says. 

“She has incredibly long blonde wavy hair, just past her bottom. It’s a nightmare to take care of. It frequently tangles and she always needs help brushing and styling it before school. I’m not a morning person and I do not like having to wake up early to do a kid's hair. It’s expensive to maintain as she requires more products, like hair oils ($15) that only last a few weeks and curly hair shampoo and conditioner ($15 each.) 

“It takes a long time to brush when she could be doing other more productive things such as homework or helping me with chores.”

The stepmum then decided that the girl had become “obsessed with her hair” and that, “I do not want her to become vain, so I decided it needs to be cut.”

“I don’t see it as a big deal as I have always had shoulder-length hair. It’s a lot more practical,” she writes.

Image: IStock

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"The hairdresser refused because she was crying, but I convinced her"

So she took her stepdaughter to the hairdresser, without telling her the plan and ambushed her while they were there. 

“In the car on the way down she said she wants to make sure the hairdresser doesn’t cut too much,” the OP says. “I politely explained that I would like her to cut her hair to shoulder length as it has become a burden.

“At first she thought I was joking, but when she realised she started to cry. When we got to the salon, the hairdresser was reluctant to cut her hair due to her tears but I explained the trouble we have maintaining it and assured cutting it would be best for her.”

Eventually, the hairdresser came around and agreed to cut it. 

“The stylist braided her hair then cut it. She kept it. Her hair was now just past shoulder-length. The car journey home was silent, I offered her McDonald’s but she refused. She went straight to her room when we got back.”

After the woman’s husband came home, he found the girl sobbing on her bed, holding onto her old hair. He immediately called the girl’s mum to come and collect her and when she arrived, she gave a mouthful to the OP. Her husband also yelled at her after the two had left. 

“I explained my reasoning but he wouldn’t budge. He said if I had an issue he would have done her hair in the mornings and that he didn’t mind paying for the products. 

“He was so furious he said he no longer trusts me around his daughter and doesn’t know if he can be with a woman who he doesn’t trust with her. This broke my heart.”

"You abused a child just so you could sleep a little longer in the morning"

The OP concluded her post by asking “AITA? I didn’t mean her any harm, I was just so tired and I’m trying to reduce stress. I’ve always been the one to raise her and her brother and I’m just exhausted.”

One of the top comments, with 23k likes read: “YTA. How DARE you cut her hair and take away her autonomy just because you have decided she is vain? What the absolute hell. I am seriously at a loss for words that you even have to ask whether or not this was an asshole thing to do.”

“You used the label ‘vain’ to enable doing anything in the name of morality,” replied another. 

Someone else brutally claimed, “You're one of the biggest assholes I have ever seen on this forum.

“I would categorise what you did as abuse. The child didn't want her hair cut, the salon didn't want to do it and you just couldn't be fucking bothered to speak to one of the girl's parents. You made her hair all about your opinions.

“How dare you make this all about you? Who the f**k cares if you don't like combing her hair in the morning? The solution to that is to either have her do it herself, or talk to her father. Cutting off the hair based on your own convenience and taste is absolutely abhorrent.

“You abused a child just so you could sleep a little longer in the morning. You are an enormous, entitled, uncaring asshole. I hope, for that's child's sake, that your husband wakes up to what kind of person you are and cuts you off entirely.”

If that wasn’t enough to gain an understanding of the types of comments on the thread, here’s a taster of just a few more…

• “Be prepared for a divorce.”
• “You’d give Disney villains a run for their money.”
• “I hope he leaves you because you don't deserve the privilege of being a part of this child's life.”
• “How dare you traumatise this child because of your laziness? You are a monster.”
• “This was done to me as a child. I'm 46 and I'm still pissed. You don't see children as people and you certainly don't respect your stepdaughter.”

Originally published as I forced my stepdaughter to cut her hair. I didn't want her to be vain