The royals gave my family the gift of belonging

For Alfred Wiener, the sense of belonging was something his family associated strongly with the monarchy.

On August 8, 1946, a short, balding man with big ears arrived at 14 Baker Street, W1, London, to visit the office of a commissioner for oaths. “I, Alfred Wiener, swear by Almighty God that I will be faithful and bear true allegiance to His Majesty King George VI, his heirs and successors, according to law.” And so my grandfather was, until the day he died almost 20 years later.

He signed the oath in blue pen and underneath was typed a short but eloquent explanation of why he was there. “Nationality: Of no nationality.” My grandfather had been deprived of his German citizenship in the summer of 1933. Now he once again belonged.

For Alfred and for his daughter, my mother, this sense of belonging was something they associated strongly with the monarchy. Alfred never lost his attachment to the Germany of his youth, but it was as a subject of first the King and later the Queen that he obtained civic protection and the right to democratic participation.

My father’s family, expelled from their home country by the Soviets and unable to return, saw the Queen as the guarantor of their safety after all they had suffered. “While the Queen is safe in Buckingham Palace, we are safe in Hendon central,” was how she expressed it.

My parents and grandparents were committed to the institution of the monarchy, rather than the individuals, but they did believe that the Queen held that important office with distinction. They were grateful for the deft way that she protected it. They felt this even before longevity had made her reign remarkable. For her Silver Jubilee in 1977 I was taken to stand near the Mall to watch the carriages go by.

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip ride back to the Palace, after a celebration for her Silver Jubilee in 1977. Picture: Getty Images

The ceremonies that always caused my mother to say “we do these things so well” (the “we” being important) were not mere empty ritual to my parents and they are not to me. They are statements of our common commitment to peaceful coexistence and a reminder of how our institutions and our freedoms have evolved over centuries.

The moment during my introduction to the House of Lords that proved most moving to me was as I read the oath of allegiance. My mother, still alive but unable to proceed upstairs to the gallery, was able to watch from inside the chamber. And I thought of her, and the similar oath that she had taken in very different circumstances. This was not mere ritual to me.

Nor will it be now to swear allegiance to our new King.

To feelings of security and belonging I grew up to add a feeling that is more frivolous but still important. I think the institution is great fun. The Queen’s life, and that of her family, has been the cause of enjoyable parties and neighbourly togetherness (our Pinner street party led me to meet and befriend many new neighbours).

I am always bewildered by those who look at the world, with all its difficulties, and think that there would be symbolic value, or even any value, in abolishing the celebration of the monarch’s birthday or of a family wedding.

Nobody would, with a blank sheet of paper, ever create such an institution. Accord majesty and pay homage to an unelected individual, an entirely opaque one. Organise an Accession Council in which the succession proceeds even if the members do not actually sign the proclamation. Read the proclamation from a palace balcony.

But I think this shows the value in human affairs of evolution over invention. The Queen’s genius was to understand this. She had an instinct for which change to accept and when to accept it. She was never ahead of where she needed to be, but also rarely (not never, as Diana’s death showed) behind it.

She saw the value in protocol but understood when to relax it. She appreciated that she should not abdicate or lay down her office, even though the burden in old age must have been great.

And for my grandparents, my parents and myself all I can say is thank you.

– The Times