A joyful union that exploded into crisis of Megxit
Meghan and Harry promised a fresh, modern direction when they married, but their departure caused the Queen great distress.
When the Queen and the Duchess of Sussex were seen laughing together at their first joint public engagement in Cheshire in June 2018, few could have suspected that Meghan would be at the heart of an acrimonious split from the royal family just 18 months later. The arrival of Meghan Markle in her family looked set to be a joyful landmark of the Queen’s reign that symbolised a fresh, modern direction for the family. Her subsequent “Megxit” became one of the family’s biggest crises and caused personal upset in the Queen’s twilight years.
It all seemed to have started so well. The two women, separated by age, background and outlook, appeared to have formed a bond. The Queen and Prince Harry had a warm, sometimes playful relationship, with Harry even managing to recruit his grandmother to appear with him and the Obamas in a lighthearted video to promote his Invictus Games. The Queen welcomed Meghan when it was clear that her grandson’s relationship with the actor was serious.
They first met at Royal Lodge, the home of Prince Andrew, and Sarah, Duchess of York. In an interview with Mishal Husain in 2017 when they got engaged, Meghan said she had met the Queen a “couple of times” and talked of her “incredible respect for being able to have time with her … she’s an incredible woman.” The next month precedent was broken when the Queen invited Meghan to join the family for Christmas at Sandringham, even though she and Harry were not yet married. In the run-up to the wedding in May 2018 there were reports that the Queen and Meghan discussed flower arrangements and the Queen was even spotted dogsitting Meghan’s beagle, Guy.
The wedding at St George’s Chapel in Windsor was a glorious spectacle, watched by more than 29 million viewers in Britain – six million more than watched the union of Prince William and Kate Middleton. A few weeks later, in a public relations triumph, the Queen and the new Duchess of Sussex went on an overnight trip to the northwest, without Harry.
When everything had turned sour and the duchess and her husband were pouring out their account to Oprah Winfrey, Meghan made a distinction between the family and the people running “the institution”.
“The Queen, for example, has always been wonderful to me,” she said and fondly recalled breakfasting with her on the train and the Queen giving her a gift of a matching pearl necklace and earrings.
“I just really loved being in her company,” she said. “We were in the car going between engagements. And she has a blanket that sits across her knees for warmth, and it was chilly. And she was, like, ‘Meghan, come on,’ and put it over my knees as well … and it made me think of my grandmother, where she’s always been warm and inviting and really welcoming.”
However, tension between the brothers is believed to have started when Harry and Meghan began dating, and the Duke of Cambridge was regarded by his younger brother as insufficiently welcoming. In March 2019 the once-close siblings announced that they would operate separate households and that October Harry acknowledged a rift when he said in a TV interview that he and William had “good days” and “bad days” and added: “We are certainly on different paths.”
The Queen was not insensitive to the struggles of the couple to find a royal role they were happy with. According to the royal author Robert Lacey, in his book Battle of Brothers, the Queen and senior advisers had begun exploring the idea that the duke and duchess spend time living abroad in a Commonwealth country where they could enjoy greater privacy.
Africa, where Harry and Meghan’s relationship took off during a trip to Botswana, was being talked about, with South Africa thought to offer the chance to immerse themselves in the causes close to their hearts. Meghan told Winfrey that they had themselves suggested South Africa, New Zealand or Canada.
However, after their official tour to South Africa that autumn the couple went for a long break in Canada and as discussions continued with the Queen and the Prince of Wales relations broke down with his father who, Harry said, “stopped taking my calls”. They said that they wanted to spend more time in North America.
A proper plan had yet to be drawn up when the Queen, according to Harry, said he could visit her at Sandringham when he was back in the country. When he landed in the UK, however, he received a message to say that she would be too busy to see him. In an additional clip from the Winfrey interview he said that he rang the Queen who confirmed her diary was now full. He suggested that it was her aides who were thwarting a meeting and they were giving poor advice.
The rebuff clearly angered him and after The Sun published a story under the headline “We’re orf again” the couple were furious. They put out a statement in which they said they planned to step back as “senior” royals and work to become financially independent while continuing to support the Queen, dividing their time between the UK and North America.
The Queen was understood to be very disappointed that they had rushed out a personal statement. A terse statement from the Palace said discussions were still at an early stage and that these were complicated issues that would take time to work through. A “summit” followed at Sandringham, attended by the Queen, Charles, William and Harry, and after days of negotiations a rather different “hard Megxit” plan emerged under which the couple were no longer working royals and would not use their “HRH” titles.
The Queen’s personal statement said that “Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be much loved members of my family. I recognise the challenges they have experienced as a result of intense scrutiny over the last two years and support their wish for a more independent life.” She thanked them for their dedicated work and said she was “particularly proud of how Meghan has so quickly become one of the family. It is my whole family’s hope that today’s agreement allows them to start building a happy and peaceful new life.”
The couple moved to California and the following February Buckingham Palace announced that their stepping back as working royals was permanent and they would lose their royal patronages, including Harry’s cherished military positions. That came days after news they were to sit down for an interview with Winfrey.
Buckingham Palace said that, after conversations with Harry, the Queen “has written confirming that in stepping away from the work of the royal family it is not possible to continue with the responsibilities and duties that come with a life of public service.”
The statement appeared to rile the Sussexes and their own statement included the pointed line: “We can all live a life of service. Service is universal.”
The next month The Times revealed that the couple’s communications secretary at Kensington Palace had complained that the duchess had bullied members of staff. A spokesman for the couple said she was the victim of “a calculated smear campaign”. Buckingham Palace denied the couple’s claim that it was behind the report and said it was “very concerned” about the allegations and would investigate. A few days later in the Winfrey interview the couple said they had left the UK and split from the family because they did not get enough support and described Meghan’s mental health turmoil and concerns from a member of the family about what colour skin their child would have. Harry described his relationship with his brother as “spaced” and said there was a lot of work to do to repair relations with his father, but stressed that relations with the Queen were still good.
The Palace issued a brief response, noting that the whole family was saddened to learn the full extent of how challenging the past few years had been for Harry and Meghan. It added: “Whilst some recollections may vary, they are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the family privately.”
Although Harry attended the Duke of Edinburgh’s funeral in April 2021 and the unveiling of a statue to commemorate his mother later in the summer, the duchess and Archie did not come with him because she was pregnant with their daughter and was then looking after the newborn Lilibet. The BBC reported that a senior Palace source said that the Queen was not asked for her permission to use her childhood nickname. The Sussexes said that the story was “false and defamatory”.
The Queen was introduced to Lilibet, as had happened with Archie, by video call. She met her for the first time at Windsor Castle, an encounter so private no photograph was released, when the Sussexes visited for the Platinum Jubilee in June 2022. The couple’s only public appearance during the celebrations was at the national service of thanksgiving at St Paul’s Cathedral where they were relegated to the second row with cousins who are also non-working royals.
Despite the strained relations between Harry and his father and brother, the Queen always kept the door open to her grandson. Whether or not the Sussexes asked the Queen about calling their daughter Lilibet, the child will be a reminder of her grandmother and the second Elizabethan age, even if she grows up at an unusually far remove from the rest of the royal family.
– The Times
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