The Obamas show unity amid rumours of marriage trouble

Barack Obama has posted a loving message to his wife on Instagram – but will it stem the gossip sparked by the lack of public appearances together?

Barack Obama posted an Instagram message for his wife’s 61st birthday on Friday, calling her 'the love of my life'.

Barack Obama posted a message to his wife Michelle on her birthday on Friday, calling her “the love of my life” that fills “every room with warmth and wisdom”.

The letter would have attracted little attention had there not been searching questions, and breathless tabloid speculation, about the state of their marriage after it emerged Mrs Obama would not be at her husband’s side for Donald Trump’s inauguration on Monday.

It was the second high-profile event in the past two weeks that she has declined. It is no secret that there is little love lost between the former first lady and the president-elect, but the Obamas arguably know best how important it is to appear as a united front – and what message may be conveyed otherwise.

Mrs Obama was also absent from Jimmy Carter’s funeral on January 9, which was attended by President Biden and his first lady, Jill, and the former presidents George W Bush, Donald Trump, and Bill Clinton – alongside their wives. Mr Obama was also present. Her office briefed that she had a “scheduling conflict” and was on an extended holiday in Hawaii.

Donald Trump attended Jimmy Carter’s funeral with his wife, Melania. Picture: Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images/AFP

The former presidents George W Bush and Bill Clinton will attend the inauguration alongside former first ladies Laura Bush and Hillary Clinton, who could be forgiven for absconding having run and lost against Trump in one of the ugliest presidential races in modern history.

Mrs Obama, who celebrated her 61st birthday on Friday, has not appeared in public with her husband since the Democratic National Convention in August.

There were tabloid rumours in October that Mr Obama may have been having an affair with the actor Jennifer Aniston, though she was quick to deny the reports.

Through the political tumult of the past decade, the Obamas’ 32-year marriage is the one union that has always been constant.

The couple met while working at a Chicago law firm in 1988. They started as colleagues before their professional relationship gradually turned into a personal one. They got married in 1992 and their first daughter, Malia, was born six years later. Her younger sister, Sasha, was born in 2001.

Michelle Obama appeared on the campaign trail during the presidential election to support Kamala Harris, the Democratic candidate. Picture: Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images

Over the years, the couple have spoken candidly about their marital struggles. Mrs Obama previously describing the “resentment” she had over putting her career on hold to be a mother while Mr Obama’s continued to flourish, first as a senator for Illinois and later as president of the United States.

Mrs Obama had often complained about the requirements placed on her by her husband’s political career. There were some suggestion she had grown tired of the continued expectation to carry out post-White House obligations.

A source close to Mrs Obama told People magazine that she had decided to skip the inauguration out of not wanting to show fealty to a man she did not believe was fit for office.

It is customary for former presidents and their spouses to attend these events, although Trump broke that century-long tradition in 2021 when he refused to go to Joe Biden’s swearing in, falsely claiming that it was he who had won the election.

“She’s not one to plaster on a pleasant face and pretend for protocol’s sake,” the source said. “She showed up reluctantly for the election. They were united, but she doesn’t have to unify around [Trump]. She doesn’t have to say anything, her absence speaks volumes.”

They added that Mrs Obama has largely shunned politics since leaving Washington and “doesn’t feel the need to be a public figure any more”.

Michelle Obama has said she sometimes resented putting her legal career on hold to prioritise motherhood. Picture: Evevine/The Times

Mrs Obama, who served as first lady from 2009 to 2017, did attend Trump’s first inauguration in January 2017, and later revealed her discomfort at being expected to sit in the audience and watch him be sworn in.

“To sit on that stage and watch the opposite of what we represented on display – there was no diversity, there was no colour on that stage,” she said on her show The Light Podcast in 2023.

Mrs Obama was said to be devastated when voters failed to vote in the country’s first woman of colour in November, taking it very personally considering all the campaigning she did for Kamala Harris.

While Mrs Obama has not laboured her disdain of Trump, she has made a number of pointed comments about him.

“For years, Donald Trump did everything in his power to try to make people fear us,” she told the Democratic convention. “See, his limited, narrow view of the world made him feel threatened by the existence of two hardworking, highly successful people who happen to be black.”

Trump has largely held back from criticising Mrs Obama, who has broad support among Americans of all political persuasions. “I always tried to be so nice and respectful,” he said on the campaign trail last year.

Michelle and Barack Obama had different attitudes about Trump returning to office. Picture: Saul Loeb/AFP/Getty Images

The couple have taken very different approaches to dealing with Trump returning to office – one pragmatic, the other emotional.

The division can perhaps be explained in part by their very distinct differences in personalities.

“Barack wants to talk rationally and I’m like ‘rational’?” Mrs Obama once told Oprah Winfrey in a podcast chat in which she conceded she was more “hot-headed” than her famously stoic husband.

“Don’t come to me with sense – I’m angry! Don’t come to me with your three bullet points – you better get out of here and let me cool down!”

The 44th president explained that while the couple may have their arguments, they never let them turn too ugly and that they always “respected” one another – and he made it clear that even when they would fight, he never considered a divorce.

The Times