It was with not an inconsiderable amount of professional fascination that I watched the Australian reporter Matt Doran give a lengthy on-air apology to Adele last week. Doran had been flown to London to carry out Australia’s “only interview” with the singer as part of a deal that cost a million dollars.
Somewhere along the line this painted little daytime bean had failed to listen to more than one track from her new album. This enraged the singer so much, she demanded a full public apology: unbelievably, Doran’s employers agreed.
“I’ve insulted Adele,” he howled at the end of a show, saying he deserved the “torrent of abuse and mockery”. He continued: “To Adele I say, I’d never have knowingly disrespected you by deliberately not listening to your work.” Then he begged for “forgiveness”.
To which I say: have we all gone mad? Crawling to a primadonna who’s thrown a pathetic tantrum is something I expect from North Korea. Reading the book or listening to the album is useful – but failing to do so is not a crime, especially if you simply “missed” the unmarked email that contained a link to her new album, as Doran did. If you are a proper interviewer – a jaded hardcore cow like moi – the album isn’t the point, anyway. The idea is to get them to talk about something they aren’t promoting. To get to the truth.
What is the truth? It isn’t what would have been broadcast: 29 minutes of approved nothingness. For months now we’ve been hearing endless amniotic guff about her divorce: I thought it was impossible to make break-ups boring, but somehow Adele has. Does anyone want any more discussion of “the concept of pure artistry”, “the majesty of Adele’s voice” or how “Go Easy on Me was conceived in part by singing a cappella in the shower”, an anecdote she has now been hawking for over two months? Doran has apologised to the “viewers”, but in fact he is my hero for inadvertently shielding them from yet another tedious infomercial.
No one is saying what they think any more. The risks seem too big, the fans too angry – to look at this poor, hollow man, you’d think someone had been killed. What hope has anyone of what Doran called “insight” if people like him are being held to ransom by braindead, money-obsessed middle managers who would ideally like to have done the interview themselves, just to be on the safe side? Adele should be embarrassed for participating in such an orgy of greed-driven fakery. Although, having watched ITV’s horrific An Audience with Adele, I sense self-respect and modesty are not among her gifts.
Wouldn’t it have been better PR for her – if that’s what she cares about – to behave with sympathy and grace? She is always telling us how compassionate she is, and she must know bad things happen in interviews. Tapes break; tech doesn’t work; PRs screw up. I have always carried three recorders since I interviewed Michelle Mone about her divorce: halfway through her tearful breakdown, the device broke. Unlike Adele, Mone literally paused her tears and waited until I fixed it. Even divas can show good manners. Martin Amis kindly granted me a second interview after I turned on my tape and all I could hear was him saying “nrhrn nhrrhnh”.
If Doran were minded to tell the truth about his encounter, he’d probably reveal an equally relatable story of jet lag and serious incompetence – although not his. He missed the album because no one told him they’d be sending the link in an email that didn’t mention Adele. It is amusing to me how, in all his bumbling and desperation to get it right, he accidentally revealed the truth of the situation: that Adele is a star now so consumed by her ego that she will squish an inconvenient reporter before swiping an interview she dislikes off air. The record label controlled the footage: how does that even happen?
I’m even beginning to wonder if research is overrated. I remember commissioning a famous novelist to interview Katie Price. She told me she didn’t want to read loads of previous articles because she wanted to be original. Larry King, the late-night chat show host, cared so little for being a greasy swot, he’d interview people without knowing who they were. If he failed to understand what they were saying, he’d just shout: “Why?”
I wish someone like him would interview Adele. “I wrote an album to get over my divorce,” she’d say. “Why?” he’d scream. “I’ve written an album about it,” she’d warble. “Why?”
The Sunday Times
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