Volvo XC90 T8 review: a solid choice

Silence in a car that’s fully awake is unnerving and I don’t trust it.

Volvo XC90 T8.

We all know that people in Sweden sit beside lakes all day in chunky jumpers, solving crimes by staring into the middle distance. And then they go home to wooden houses and send all their earnings to the government. This, however, is true only in the sense that all British people carry rolled-up umbrellas and all Italians are in bed with your wife. So while some Swedes earn a living by staring at things, most are not like that at all.

I once went to a town called Kiruna in the north of the country thatI think is the worst place in the world. Built around an iron ore mine that turns the snow grey, it is filled with miners, who are very large and mostly in the pub, looking for someone to punch in the face. Only after they’ve done this do they go home to give all their money to the government. It’s a long way from Abba, that place.

It’s also a long way from Greta Thunberg, who, in turn, is a long way from the corporate giant that is Ikea, which is miles from the city of Gothenburg, which is one of the most mystical and peaceful places I know.

Sweden, then, is known for one thing, but actually it’s lots of things. And so it goes with Volvo. In the late 1970s my dad bought a Volvo 265, which looked like it had been styled on an Etch-a-Sketch. I should have hated that wilfully practical estate car, but Volvos were all right in my book; they were cool. Later, Volvo embraced safety in a big way – and then in the 1990s it went bonkers and entered a brace of estates in the British touring car championship. They used to come down the main straights like a massive blue-and-white Swedish tidal wave. Yes, it was a marketing ploy. But it worked. Everyone loved those cars.

In just 20 years, Volvo had gone from being cool to being the last word in safety, and then a full-on racing team. And now, in 2019, it is the Arctic division of a Chinese giant making some of the most stylish 4x4s the world has ever seen.

I like Volvo’s range a lot. It seems completely in tune with the times. And that’s why, when it announced it had updated the twin-engine XC90 hybrid, I was keen to give it a whirl.

I liked this car when I drove it three years ago, so, obviously, I’d like it now, yes? No. Because although it hasn’t changed much (the update is very minor), I have. Back then I was mildly curious about hybrid drive systems, but now they send me into a cold rage. The fact is that hybrids don’t travel as far on a litre of fuel as is claimed, they run on electric only for a few miles before the batteries are flat and they are phenomenally power-hungry to make. So what do you get in exchange for not doing much for the planet? A car that’s a bit of a nuisance a lot of the time.

You get into the Volvo, turn the diamond-cut starter button and nothing happens. Confused, you pull the sex-toy gearlever back into the “D” position and try to set off. And still nothing happens, because you’ve got to pull the lever back twice before you engage Drive. I don’t know why. If you’re on a loose surface, the front wheels (which are driven by the petrol engine) set off normally but those at the back (driven by electricity) can’t handle the enormous torque and spin. Which makes holes in your lawn.

Then, when you get home, you turn the key to shut everything down – but does it? Or is the car simply sitting there in electric mode? Silence in a car that’s fully awake is unnerving and I don’t trust it.

I also didn’t like the wipers, which decided when to be on, or the head-up display, which wouldn’t move up or down the windscreen even though I was doing everything right. Oh, and then there was an occasion when the car thought I was going to reverse into a bush and jammed on the brakes all by itself, making yet more skid marks on my lawn. Maybe the answer is not to drive this car on your lawn.

Make no mistake, the XC90 is still a brilliant car. It’s a good-looking, practical seven-seater, and really safe. I’ve had four of them over the years and if I still had children who needed ferrying about with 600 close friends, I’d buy another without hesitation. But it wouldn’t be the version with two engines. One engine is much more environmentally friendly and thus much more Swedish. Because you have to give more of your money to the government.

Volvo XC90 T8

Engine: 2.0-litre turbo-petrol four-cylinder plus electric motor (246kW/440Nm).

Average fuel: 2.1 litres per 100km

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic, all-wheel drive

Price: $129,990

Rating: ★★★