The trouble with Alan Jones

Alan Jones ignored my advice to his great profit. Picture: Adam Yip

Thirty-odd years ago I was working for 2UE, then Australia’s top “talk station”. Among the distinguished alumni: John Laws, Ray Hadley, Stan Zemanek and, roll of drums, Alan Jones. I presented a late-night interview program until Kerry Packer asked me to “do breakfast”. New to Sydney, blissfully ignorant of its place names and personalities, knowing nothing of rugby, horse racing and other staples – and poorly adjusted to getting up at 3am – I was not wildly successful and happily yielded the gig to Alan Jones.

Despite subtle political differences, we got on pretty well. Awed by his energies, I was, however, concerned by his escalating aggressiveness and would tell him so.

Then his world collapsed with an incident in a London public toilet. The media storm was deafening. Clearly, Alan’s career was over. I sent him a cheery telegram of support. Perhaps that’s why he visited my home immediately on his return – to protest his innocence. I brushed this aside and instead turned to the issue of the media storm, of harsh judgments, and urged him to learn a lesson. “Don’t be so arrogant in the future. Don’t be so harsh, so unkind.”

To his great profit he entirely ignored my advice – and when his career miraculously rebounded, he kept doubling down. God help anyone who angered Alan Jones.

As Chair of the National Australia Day Council, it was my duty to unveil our Australian of the Year – and in 1992 the puff of white smoke anointed Mandawuy Yunupingu. Even by his own high standards Jones’s response was extreme – such a blast of bigotry that it provoked editorial disapproval from friends in the tabloids. My reaction to Alan’s reaction? I instructed my committee to make “infuriating Alan Jones” one of their criteria.

Alan learnt nothing from this. Again and again he’d double down. And as his ratings showed, it worked. He is not alone in profiting from the First Law of Shock-Jockery: OTT = $$$. Except when it triggers defamation cases.

Alan’s causes and campaigns are, to say the least, eclectic. Prime example: his bromance with Joh Bjelke-Petersen, who helmed Australia’s most corrupt government (against stiff opposition). But that didn’t stop Alan from spearheading the attempt to make Joh our prime minister. Statistically, however, it’s inevitable that sometimes Alan will be on the side of the angels – as in his support for the martyred Lindy Chamberlain. Or his campaign against coal seam gas. But usually Alan can be relied upon to be wrong. Hence my recent tweet…

“Joh for PM”: led by Jones. Cronulla riots: incited by Jones. Cash for Comment: siphoned by Jones. Defamation cases: lost by Jones. Misogyny: amplified by Jones. Bullying: monetised by Jones. Climate Change: denied by Jones. COVID-19: trivialised by Jones. Politicians: cowed by Jones. (Mind you, didn’t much the same formula work for Donald Trump?)

Prime ministers past and present are singing Al’s praises. Well, Morrison and Abbott are, loudly. Whereas Turnbull’s silence deafens. Gillard? Neither the threat of being drowned at sea in a chaff bag nor the notion of her father “dying of shame” would endear. Ditto New Zealand’s PM Jacinda Ardern, who, Alan recommended, should be silenced by shoving a sock down her throat.

But one thing is certain: nothing will silence Alan Jones. He will be back.