The sweetest thing

I got the keys to Bono's car. cool, eh?

The Vauxhall Zafira has an all-aluminium, turbocharged 1.6-litre engine.

Even by my own weird view of what's normal, last Sunday was a bit odd. I was on a boat - a big one - anchored off the south of France, when half the people on board decided they'd like to walk up the Nietzsche path to the village of Eze for a drink.

The Nietzsche path is a walk the philosopher liked to do when he needed to think, but all anyone else can think when they're on it is: "Oh no, one of my lungs has just come out." It's bloody nearly vertical and it goes on and on, up to 85,000ft.

I thought this was stupid but I liked the idea of a drink in the Golden Goat on top. So I said I'd use a car.

Happily, one of the people on the boat said he knew someone who lived on the beach and that I could probably borrow a car from him. And the person he knew? Well, it was Bono out of U2, of course.

Anyway, I was taken to the shore and after a lengthy walk, arrived at Mr Bono's house with a bright red face and sweaty moobs. He wasn't at home but I was greeted by a shabby-looking fellow who I thought was the gardener. He turned out to be John F Kennedy's nephew and was a bit stand-offish. He'd had a call from someone saying that someone else was maybe coming round to pick up some wheels but he was nervous about letting the sweaty tramp who'd arrived drive off in Bono's car.

Tentatively, he handed over a set of keys. And with that I was in the drive, clutching the keys to a car that belongs to, let's be honest, one of the coolest people on the planet. There's no flowery way of saying this so I'll just come straight out with it. Bono drives a Vauxhall Zafira diesel.

I was impressed with this little seven-seater when it first came out, but then the old model tarnished its reputation somewhat by regularly bursting into flames.

I wasn't thinking about that, though. Because it was a tricky drive and because my head was spinning. Bono. Has. A. Vauxhall. Zafira.

As I climbed up the mountain, the Zafira was very roly-poly but I found it easy to moderate the pitching by turning the wheel gently and braking as though the pedal were made of an egg. Then I noticed how brilliant the engine was. It's an all-aluminium, turbocharged 1.6-litre unit that can do 200km/h.

And then I went over a speed hump and didn't feel a thing. Never in all my years in this business have I encountered any car that's quite so good at refusing to transmit road surface irregularities into the cabin. Which makes it the most comfortable car - pause - in the world.

That night, after I'd safely returned the Vauxhall to Bono's house, I looked it up and found that Autocar magazine disagreed with my findings. It said the Renault Grand Scenic rides more smoothly.

Fearful that Bono had bought a special Zafira with marshmallow shock absorbers and suspension units made from eiderdown, I came back to England, hired a Zafira and went for a drive. I'm sorry, Autocar, but I'm right. The car's extraordinary.

If you have a bad back or you just want to be comfortable as you move about, you need look no further. But don't worry, because it's also very good looking and it has a windscreen that is bigger than one on a National Express coach. You can't see any pillars or a roofline, so it feels as if you are floating along, powered only by magic.

The interior's top-notch as well; nicely styled, well put together and festooned with all sorts of stuff you wouldn't expect for this kind of loot.

It seems that after my visit, Bono phoned JFK's nephew who explained that a tramp had come round and borrowed the Zafira. Bono was apparently a bit surprised by this: "You gave Jeremy Clarkson the Vauxhall!" It turns out I was meant to have his BMW 6 Series.

But I'm glad I didn't because I would never have experienced a diesel, seven-seater Vauxhall you'd actually want to buy. And not just so you could tell your mates: "Bono's got one, you know."

FAST FACTS

Vauxhall Zafira

ENGINE: 1.6-litre turbocharged four-cylinder diesel (96kW/320Nm)

Average fuel 4.1 litres per 100km

TRANSMISSION: Six-speed manual, front-wheel drive

PRICE: £17,000 (model being discontinued, not available in Australia)

RATING: 5 stars