Mini Electric review: Here’s why I won’t buy electric

You may be sold on the idea of an EV – and don’t be ashamed. Plenty of others like driving in a state of permanent panic.

I wish to God I had a truly great car to test, because to bomb about now on the quiet roads would be bliss. I haven’t, though. As I’ve explained, I’m stuck with the last cars to be delivered before the lockdown. Among them is an electric version of the Mini Cooper S.

First things first: it’s bloody cheap for an electric car, and you get a lot of tech. It has the same “hybrid synchronous” motor as BMW fits to the i3. This means – pay attention – that within the rotor design you get the effect of permanent magnets combined with something called “reluctance”. This cuts down the need for rare-earth neodymium, which means the rotor can spin faster. I can see why James May likes electric cars so much. To him this kind of talk is like erotica.

What normal people care about, though, is the oomph, and that’s not bad. Even though it’s very heavy, this Mini hits 100 km/h in 7.3 seconds. It actually feels faster than its petrol brother. But it isn’t. Not quite.

And I must now put the needle back on the same old record and explain, once again, why I shall never buy an electric car. Yes, when you put your foot down at low speed there is instant and dramatic thrust. But before your passenger has time to say “wow”, it’s over. In this respect the power delivery from an electric motor is like what you get from a diesel. There’s one big lump, and then it’s gone. I much prefer the seamlessness of petrol.

Then there’s the issue of slowing down. In a proper car you can coast. In an electric car you can’t, because the act of slowing down is used to top up the batteries. It’s called regenerative braking and it makes my nose swell up with rage. In the Mini you take your foot off the throttle and it’s as if you’ve jammed the bloody brakes on. This means gentle driving is tricky. It also means that, much to the surprise of other drivers, you shudder to a halt well short of traffic lights and junctions.

But it’s not this, or the quality of the power delivery, that causes me to shy away; it’s the noise. All you can hear in an electric car is the tyres. And, frankly, I’d rather listen to the bubbling stomach juices of the lion that’s just eaten me. My Alfa GTV6 is a musical instrument; the noises it makes cause the hair on the back of my neck to rise. No electric car will ever do that.

I appreciate that I’m speaking to only a very few people. Most will be ignoring the hairs on the back of my neck and saying, “Yes, but the Mini costs only 4c a kilometre to run.” This is undoubtedly true. The people at Mini also say you’ll get a range of 233km before you need to recharge. Two things on that. One, in normal running you will not get anything like 233km before you’ll need to find a plug socket and sit about for 12 hours while the damn thing comes back to life. And, two, rival electric cars from Peugeot and Renault can go further than 233km. Quite a lot further.

There are other issues, too. The proper Mini is fairly cramped for passengers in the back, but with the batteries under the back seat there’s even less room in the electric version; also, the boot is tiny.

Further forward, things are much better, because it’s familiar Mini territory. Like the last version I drove, the electric car has a dash that changes colour to tell you things. I don’t know what those things are, but it looks cool. I like the head-up display too, even though it gives you exactly the same information as you get on the instrument binnacle, which is located about an inch away from it. The car’s ride isn’t brilliant, though. And that’s another reason I’d buy the petrol-powered version instead.

Of course, you may be sold on the idea of an electric car – and don’t be ashamed of that, because you’re not alone. Plenty of others like sitting about waiting for the batteries to charge and driving along in a state of permanent panic that they’re going flat again.

Mini Electric

Motor: 32.6kWh lithium-ion battery (135kW / 270Nm)

Range: 233km on a full charge

Price: From $54,800; due in Australia in August

Rating: ★★★½