Lamborghini Huracan STO review: ‘I loved this car very much’

You want a race at the lights? I’m not interested — even when I’m in something as fast as this bonkers Lamborghini Huracan STO.

Volcanically loud: the Lamborghini Huracan STO

I pulled up at the lights the other day in a Lamborghini Huracan STO, a lightweight blizzard of stickers, spoilers and carbon fibre. And out of the corner of my eye I noticed a fortysomething Tesla driver bouncing in his seat. I assumed, and hoped, he was being electrocuted, but no. He was beaming and bouncing and pointing at the lights because he wanted a race.

I don’t know what sort of Tesla it was because I’m not interested in them. But I presumed it was fitted with that idiotic setting that allows it to rocket off the line like a scalded cock. What’s it called? “Musk mode”? “Tiny penis mode”? “My children made me buy this piece of crap and now I must demonstrate to all and sundry that it’s in spaceship mode”?

Needless to say when the lights went green he tore off as though he’d been booted towards the horizon by Jonny Wilkinson. He probably gave himself whiplash, and certainly will have used up half the battery juice he needed to get home. Had I bothered to engage, it’s possible his crummy little hatchback would have beaten the Lambo. But so what? A microwave can soften a potato faster than an Aga but the end result is not even remotely satisfying. Speed is wonderful, let’s be in no doubt about that. But it needs to be accompanied by something else as well. Dinosaur noises. Sounds that vibrate your limbic system. So you have a sense that you’re doing something exciting. And that’s what you get from the Lambo.

We are told the STO is a racing car for the road but don’t be fooled, it’s not. Sure, they’ve removed the front driveshafts to make it rear-drive only, but this saves only 20kg, and then they’ve added rear-wheel steering so nearly half of that weight loss is sacrificed. Lambo makes cars that are exciting and frightening. Cars that work best as posters on a small boy’s wall. Ferrari will sell you a finely honed scalpel. Whereas Lamborghini will sell you a lime-green pile-driver.

Power? Well, the 5.2-litre engine produces 470kW/565Nm, which is a lot for sure, but in the rarefied world of supercars these days it’s nothing to write home about. I mean, it takes a full three seconds to do 0-100km/h. But it doesn’t matter because it’s a V10. The last V10 still in production and, like all V10s, it’s a masterpiece.

The noise is horror-film scary. And loud like you wouldn’t believe. Volcanically loud. And then you go past 4,700rpm and your ears are begging for mercy and then some valves open and it gets louder still. It’s the sound of an engine that’s inherently unbalanced and completely unhinged. Had I chosen to race that man in his Tesla, he would have soiled himself by the time I’d covered a hundred yards.

I loved this car very much. I loved the simple, carpetless interior, the completely unfathomable dashboard, the Audi sat nav system and the missiles-away starter button. I also liked the way that when you aren’t in the mood it will settle down to become something not that far removed from civilised.

There were two things I didn’t like. Getting in. And getting out. When you’re my height (and girth) these are not things you can do with any dignity. The STO is like an Italian suit; it simply isn’t tailored to fit the larger gentleman.

Then there’s Lamborghini’s idiotic decision to copy Ferrari and put all the main controls on the steering wheel. You try dipping your lights while cancelling the indicators. It can’t be done and it especially can’t be done when you’ve got a cricked neck from trying to get in and it feels like you’re in a darkened room with a lion that’s cross about something.

Purists will always argue that Ferrari makes a better car and this is probably true. And if you just want a Ferrari because it’s a Ferrari, that’s fine too. They’re extremely well-engineered cars and you can talk in the pub about how you can sense the valve actuation and the tread shuffle and all the other things that actually you can’t sense at all. Because you’re an accountant.

That’s where the Lamborghini STO comes in. It has the tech arsenal required for it to talk the talk and the soundtrack to suggest it can walk the walk. In my experience Lambos always fall apart a bit if you go to a track and take their trousers down. This doesn’t matter, though, because they are bought by people who like the looks and the noise and the sheer fun of the things.

Sure, a Tesla is faster off the lights, but people don’t do that any more unless they feel they have something to prove, which Tesla people invariably do. However, why don’t you trying pulling up outside Monaco’s Hotel de Paris in your electric tool and see how quickly the flunkies come out to open your door. Then try the same thing in an STO. Actually, don’t. Best to get out of it when no one’s looking.

LAMBORGHINI HURACAN STO

ENGINE: 5.2-litre naturally aspirated V10 (470kW/565Nm). Average fuel 13.9 litres

per 100km

TRANSMISSION: Seven-speed dual-clutch rear-wheel drive

PRICE: $596,000

RATING: ★★★★