Kia Stinger review: Great, but who’d buy it

I were at the helm of Kia and someone came to me with this concept for a car, I’d have shot him in the head.

Kia Stinger.

I’m glad I don’t run an airline, because if I did, all the planes would be pretty much empty pretty much always, and it would be bankrupt in a week. For instance, I find it amazing that in early March you can’t fly non-stop from the UK to Corfu. I’d have a meeting about that and explain to my colleagues that Corfu is a lovely spot that is popular with the sort of middle-class families who’d pay through the nose for such a flight. And then it would turn out that all the families I was targeting were in the Alps. And didn’t want to spend early March shivering on a beach on an island that’s pretty much shut.

Mind you, while I’d be a useless airline boss, I’d be even worse if I were running a car firm. Because if I were at the helm of, say, Kia, and someone came to me saying, “Let’s make a 40 grand, rear-wheel drive, four-door coupe with a snarly V6 and many horsepowers,” I’d have shot him in the head for being crazy.

In Britain, Kia makes a range of hatchbacks and saloons for people who know nothing about cars. They are quite good-looking and I’m sure they are well made but they are really for the old and the muddled. And there’s the problem. The old and the muddled don’t want a many-horsepowered sports saloon and those that do don’t want a Kia.

In Britain and the rest of western Europe, the car is rapidly losing its appeal. There are too many rules and too many cameras and there’s too much congestion. The car is seen as an expensive nuisance. Now we’re in an Uber waiting for Google to give us something that drives itself. People who buy flash cars are mocked and those who buy something fast are labelled boy racers. The love affair with the car is dying. So what’s the point of Kia trying to sell a fast car such as the Stinger GT S?

Recently I was in Colombia, which is emerging from decades of strife. With a new entrepreneurial spirit causing the place to hum, the roads are awash with people driving about very carefully in brand new Kias and Dacias. To us, these cars are crates made from old cassette boxes. But over there they are luxury goods. Mention the word Kia in Bogota and people take off their hats.

I hope, because I fell madly in love with Colombia, that its emergence from the dark side will continue and that soon people will make money from something other than forest products. And if that happens, the people are going to want the very best car that Kia can sell them. Because Kia to them is the same as Ford was to us in the late ’60s, when everyone wanted a Cortina 1600E.

The Stinger is a very good car. It’s quite hard to climb aboard because the roofline is low but when you’re in, the driving position has that “hang on a minute” feel that lets you know you’re at the helm of something special. Which it is. Thanks to a twin turbocharged 3.3-litre V6, you get 272kW and that means 0-100km/h in less than five seconds. But it’s not the straight-line oomph that impresses most. It’s the way this car feels as you go about your business: special. Maybe this is because it was developed by Albert Biermann, who was poached from his previous job at BMW’s M division. You can sense his DNA in the Stinger.

The steering is heavy. I don’t mean it’ll cause you to smell while parking. I mean it has a meatiness and somehow you know it’s guiding wheels that aren’t troubled by the bothersome business of propulsion. It feels clean and pure and right. Fearful I may have quoted a Meatloaf song, I’ll move on to comfort, which is sublime. I was expecting the ride to shake my eyes out but even in Sport Plus Nutter mode, it just glides. In the Comfort setting, it doesn’t feel like a sports saloon at all. Jaguar should have a careful look at this car to see how it’s done.

The economy is a bit better than you might expect, equipment levels are higher than you’d imagine and it’s hard to find fault. Maybe the interior is a bit grey and maybe the exterior isn’t quite as handsome as the other Kias. I especially didn’t like the fake bonnet vents. Or how hard it was to see out of the back window. But that really is about it. Everything else was either delightful or wonderful or better than I was expecting. If you were in the market for a BMW M3 or a fast Audi or a Mercedes-AMG, you’d be better off buying the Kia. But of course you wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing. A Kia? What the hell would the neighbours think?

I get that. I wouldn’t buy one either. But our friends in Colombia? They will. I’d never have noticed that if I’d been running Kia. Luckily for the company, I’m not.

Fast facts Kia Stinger

Engine: 3.3-litre turbocharged V6 petrol (272kW/510Nm)

Average fuel 10.2 litres per 100km

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic, rear-wheel drive

Price: From $48,990

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars