So, Jaguar has announced that it’s to abandon internal combustion entirely and become all-electric in just four years’ time. You probably think this is a foolish plan, dreamt up by a desperate management team who’ve tried everything else, and you’d probably expect me to agree with you. But I don’t.
The only problem is that when you mention Jaguar, most people think of the classic E-type – a sporty and rorty thing with a priapic bonnet and David Niven at the wheel, on his way to some racy lunch for cads in the south of France. And no one would want an electric E-type, apart from Meghan and Harry Markle, of course, who used one to leave the scene of their wedding.
Even Jaguar itself is consumed with this E-type obsession. It still thinks of itself as a sports car maker that ought to make cars that bellow and shout and crash through potholes as if they’re running on the suspension from a skateboard. It’s the main reason Jaguar is in the pickle it’s in now. Because it’s trying to be something it isn’t.
Which brings me to the supercharged, all-wheel-drive V8 F-type I’ve been driving recently. This car is completely wrong. It was meant to sit in the range underneath the larger XKR and XKR-S but then, when the XK models were dropped, Jaguar simply filled the gap by increasing the F-type prices. Ever since it’s been way more expensive than it should be. I guess Jaguar was hoping that because it was an F-type, one along the alphabet from an E-type, people would pay up without thinking. But they didn’t. They either thought that for a tiny bit more they could have an Aston Martin Vantage, or for an awful lot less they could have a Ford Mustang.
And why does it have a V8 under the bonnet? It’s hard to think of anything quite so unJaguarish. Back in the ’80s Jaguar’s engineers were so nervous that their bosses would make them use Rover’s inherently lumpy V8, they designed the engine bay of the XJ40 to be so narrow it wouldn’t fit. They knew then that Jaguar was famed for its silky V12s or its sewing-machine-smooth straight sixes, and I still know it now.
An F-type sounds yobbish when it goes by. It’s a great noise, for sure, and it’d be even better if it was audible in the cockpit, but Jags are for gentlemen rogues, not louts. The soundtrack therefore is as inappropriate as a regal fart.
The performance isn’t quite right either. I’m not suggesting it’s a slow car but when you hear that the engine develops 423kW and 700Nm, you expect starship get-up-and-go, and it never really delivers. Then there’s the comfort. Or rather, there isn’t. Jag owners want a car to take them to the opera; they don’t need something set up so it can drift around empty car parks late on a Saturday night.
And finally there’s the completely lacklustre interior. Where’s the deep lambswool carpeting and the illuminated pencil tray? Where’s the carefully underplayed charm? And why is the steering wheel so enormous?
This is a car, then, designed as a sort of homage to the E-type, which, for Jaguar, was pretty much a one-off. It was Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime or Chuck Berry’s My Ding-a-Ling. And neither of them ever felt the need to recreate these musical oxbow lakes.
All that being said, however, the F-type is an extremely likeable car. Unlike the steering wheel, it’s unusually small but it’s not dainty. There’s aggression in those haunches but it looks controlled. And the bonnet’s long without being like the Lone Ranger’s codpiece. It is, in short, one of the best-looking cars on sale today. This means it gives “good shop window”. It looks good in the reflection and that makes you feel good, and a car that makes you feel good is halfway there.
Jaguar bosses are saying that in their all-electric future there will probably be no room for sports cars. That makes sense because Jaguar is not a sports car brand. But I do believe there is room for a coupe or a convertible that looks as good as the F-type but has soft, forgiving suspension, seats that make you go “aah” when you sit in them and propulsion as silent as a nuclear submarine’s.
I even have a name for such a thing. The G-type. Although G-spot would be nearer the mark.
Jaguar F-type R Coupe
ENGINE: 5.0-litre supercharged petrol V8 (423kW / 700Nm). Average fuel 11.3 litres per 100km
TRANSMISSION: Eight-speed automatic, all-wheel-drive
PRICE: From $263,300
STARS: 3 out of 5
Why this pasta is one of NYT Cooking’s best-ever dishes
This elegant, bright pasta comes together in about the same amount of time it takes to boil spaghetti and heat up a jar of store-bought pasta sauce
NYT Cooking’s famous salmon traybake is a midweek winner
Brushing a simple sesame-ginger glaze onto the salmon before it roasts promotes caramelisation on the fish, a feat not easily accomplished when roasting salmon fillets.