It’s a parent’s choice. But you don’t have to live with it

Gough Whitlam would always cross out one of my l’s on personal or official correspondence, insisting that Philip was suitable only as a prenom, and Phillip was for surnames. But I’m not to blame.

Some of the first names wished upon hapless babes at the font are often the cause of lifelong puzzlement or annoyance. Picture: istock

Given name. Prenom. Christian name. Some of the first names wished upon hapless babes at the font are often the cause of lifelong puzzlement or annoyance. Take Phillip. I have no idea why the Reverend Charles Adams and his wife Sylvia, of the Congregational Church in Maryborough, Victoria, inflicted it on me – but decades later Edward Whitlam would dismiss it as a clerical error.

Clearly, the PM didn’t think much of being called Edward either – hence his preference for Gough. (Gough? What kind of name is that?) But being a classical scholar, EGW would always cross out one of my l’s on personal or official correspondence, insisting that Philip was suitable only as a prenom, and Phillip was for surnames. Don’t blame me – blame the Rev Charles. (Gough knew that Phillip, in Ancient Greek, meant “lover of horses”. In my case, this is not true. Big smelly things. Despite having them on our farm I prefer to be astride the equine mechanical counterpart, the ATV.)

Edward (Gough) Whitlam.

Some choose to modify their prenoms. My daughter Megan changed hers to Meaghan. Simon Reynolds, famous for his Grim Reaper AIDS ad on television, was into numerology and rechristened himself Siimon. My fourth daughter, Aurora, was Rory as a child – but in adulthood has reverted to the more formal form.

Abbreviating names seems universal: Bev, Tony, Joe, Max, Thel, Don, Mal, Rog etc etc. This often produces gender ambiguity – with my wife Patrice and daughters Becky, Meg, Sas (short for Saskia) and Ror or Rory as examples.

Surnames? They frequently reveal dynastic duties – Farmer, Miller, Baker, Tanner, Brewer. Hooker? Not sure about that. But real estate (as in LJ Hooker) might seem related.

Most of our Christian names are very Christian, or at least biblical. Eve, Matthew (Matt), Mark, Luke, John, Mary, Joseph (Joe), Peter. There are Davids galore, but not many Goliaths. Jesus is popular in parts of America – and in the Islamic world there are myriad Mohammeds. Not a lot of Buddhas, but.

Stranger first names? Frank Zappa named his daughter Moon Unit. Elon Musk has a child named X. There’s an Abcde, an Indian called Covid, and a kid called Dracula.

Elon Musk has a child named X. Picture: AFP

Speaking of blood-sucking aristocrats brings us to the British royal family. Not a Dracula to be found there, though; only names from the franchise. Kings and Queens are numbered for clarity: Elizabeths, Georges and Charlies.

In the US, Christian names run in the family – with the upper crust preferring Snr and Jnr.

We also see arguments about women taking the surname of their husbands. It’s a dying tradition that’s often resolved by hyphenation, though that sounds like a medical condition. Which reminds us of all the diseases named after doctors who discovered them. I’d prefer anonymity. Adamitis is nasty to contract.

Place names? Alexander the Great littered his empire with cities called Alexandria, which must have been hell when delivering letters. Australia is equally subservient to British royalty and pollies. Hence we have Victoria, Queensland, Adelaide, Melbourne, Brisbane. Only Canberra derives from a local language – meaning “meeting place” (something we forgot during The Voice referendum).

Signing off. Phillip with two l’s.