Honda Civic Type R

The new Honda Civic is fast and extremely good fun. But be warned: you’ll look like a knob.

Honda Civic Type R. Picture: Supplied

Fifteen years ago Honda was an innovator. While other manufacturers were fitting their cars with gimmicky head-up displays to lure bored flies into their web of finance deals, Honda was working with hydrogen propulsion and dreaming up stuff that would move the game forward. It produced interesting, revvy little hatchbacks, exciting coupes and intoxicating mid-engined supercars.

Then, for some reason, it just stopped innovating. And for years it didn’t make anything of note. I seem to recall there was a little off-roader that had a stupid shower in the back, and my mother at this stage bought a Jazz because it was available in pink. After this, I really haven’t a clue what Honda made. Nothing I’d want, that’s for sure; even the long-awaited replacement for the much-loved NSX was an anti-climax.

But guess what? It has just released a hot version of the new Civic, and it’s like the Honda of old is back because it has created something a bit special. The 2.0-litre turbocharged engine is said to be largely unchanged from the previous model but whatever small alterations Honda has made have transformed it into a big, comforting muscle. You find yourself pressing the throttle gently just to experience the beginning of a shove. It’s like limbering up for an arm-wrestle with a man who builds oil rigs. You haven’t felt the power yet, but you know pretty soon you’re going to have a dislocated shoulder.

However, it’s not the shove or the speed that impresses most with the Civic Type R, it’s the chassis. It has a wider track than the last incarnation and a stiffer superstructure. And if that sounds as if you’re in for more grip if you can tolerate the bone-shaking ride, nope: what you get is phenomenal grip and a ride that’s actually quite absorbent. It’s not a Labrador puppy, obviously, but it won’t shake out your fillings either.

‘Just look at it. Have you ever seen anything so wilfully yobbish?’

This is a wonderful car to drive hard. Yes, it’s a bit of a fatty but you’re never really aware of the weight because it changes direction like an electrocuted swallow. Couple that to 228kW of power and the bark from its exhaust and there’s no doubt Honda is back with a car that’s extremely good fun.

The point of a hot hatchback – and the reason I love them so very much – is that they are fast and brilliant to drive but when all is said and done, they are also hatchbacks. So they are practical and sensible and cheap to mend as well. The original Golf GTI, arguably the first of the breed, played a big part in putting MG out of business because here was a car that was more of a laugh than the little sports car and which could also take a family of five and their luggage to the seaside. (It was the ’70s, remember. People in England went to the seaside then.)

And that’s where the Honda keeps on scoring, because although it’s a rampaging Nürburgring meister, it also has five doors and a large boot and fold-down rear seats. It comes as standard with 20-inch wheels and a reversing camera and a (fiddly) sat nav system and so on. The price is good, as is the fuel economy, as is the depreciation. The insurance won’t be funny, I’ll grant you, but that aside, this will be a relatively inexpensive car to run.

So there we are, the perfect hot hatch: fast, fun, frugal and fitted with five doors for a family of… God, I hate alliteration.

And I also hate the Type R, because just look at it. Have you ever seen anything so wilfully yobbish? We’re told all its winglets and spoilers are there for a reason, and I think I know what the reason is: to tell your neighbours you are very fond of football violence and shoplifting. And you have a knife.

I know a guardsman who is thinking of getting a Type R and I just know that if he does he will wear his bearskin back to front.

I was embarrassed to drive it. Yes, a number of people pointed, made enthusiastic noises and took photos, but a far larger number pointed for different reasons. You could see them thinking: “How small does your penis have to be before you’d buy a car like that?”

Maybe this doesn’t bother you. Maybe you like to stir things up. But if you don’t, buy a VW Golf R. It’s not as much fun as the Honda and it isn’t as fast at top speed. But you will look less of a knob.

HONDA CIVIC TYPE R

Engine: 2.0-litre turbocharged four-cylinder petrol (228kW/400Nm) Average fuel: 8.8 litres per 100km Transmission: Six-speed manual, front-wheel drive Price: $50,990 Rating: 3 out of 5 stars