Golden oldie: 2017 VW Golf GTI 2.0 TSI review

The new Golf is good, but is it better?

The new model had slightly different trim in the headlights.

One of the problems for VW is that so much money has been put aside to compensate customers for Dieselgate that there’s only a few euros left in the petty cash tin for research and development. Take the new Golf GTI. Well, VW says it’s new. In reality it’s a facelift of the current Mk 7 in the hope that existing owners will feel compelled to sell their old model and sign on the dotted line of whatever nonsensical finance arrangement the beancounters have come up with this time.

I am one of these existing owners. The Golf GTI is my daily drive. It is an extremely good car, apart from the fact it’s permanently convinced it has a puncture when it hasn’t. I get in it in the morning, start it up and it says: “You have a puncture.” So I push the button saying: “No, I haven’t.” And when I get back into it to go home from work, it says: “You have a puncture.” And I start to foam at the mouth.

I took it to a dealership, which reset the computer and ensured all the tyres contained exactly the same amount of air. And the next morning it said: “You have a puncture.” Today I have solved the problem by sticking duct tape on the dash so I can’t see the message. Oh, and a flannel between the passenger seat and centre console to solve the rattle it somehow doesn’t seem to know it’s got.

Apart from these things, it’s a wonderful car. It’s equipped like a Bentley, it goes like a Ferrari and in traffic, because it’s just a Golf and it’s grey, no one takes my picture. Which is what happens, constantly, when I’m in anything more flash.

Anyway, my car has done only 24,000km so it’d take quite a lot to convince me I should take the resale hit and buy the new model. But I’m open to suggestion, so VW dropped one off at the office.

After looking closely, I noticed that the new model had slightly different trim in the headlights and some styling tweaks to the wheels. I then stepped inside and straight away saw that the rather attractive speedometer and rev counter in the old model had been replaced by some less attractive instruments in the new one.

This new Golf is the same as the previous model: the world’s best hot hatch.

Also, instead of a button to start the car, I had to put the key in a slot and twist it. I haven’t had to do that since someone worked out that in an accident an ignition key protruding from the steering column can play havoc with a driver’s kneecaps.

And then I noticed the gearlever. And the clutch pedal. And I thought: “No. I’m sorry. It’s pouring with rain. The traffic is going to be dreadful and life is too short to be using my left leg every time I want to set off.” So I climbed out of the new car and into my own, which has a flappy paddle system. “You have a puncture,” it said from behind the duct tape.

It’s strange. Not that long ago, I was very much in the manuals-are-for-men camp. I saw the automatic and the double-clutch alternatives as a sign of weakness. In my mind they were a way of saying that you were a functionary, that you were willing to relinquish control to an algorithm. “Alexander the Great would never have ordered a car with an automatic gearbox,” I would thunder at people who had. Now, though, I reckon buying a manual is like buying a television that has no remote control. Who says: “I like getting out of my chair to change the channel”?

Maybe it’s because I’m getting old. But more likely it’s because the modern flappy paddle can change cogs far more quickly than any human being. And your left leg is free to tap along to the radio.

Much later in the week, of course, I had to park my prejudice and my bone idleness and take the new car for a drive. I’d been told its 2-litre turbo engine had 7.5kW more than the old model and that this equated to a top speed that’s 3km/h higher. Which sounded great. But actually all VW has done is to fit the old performance pack as standard. Which means that the updated car has exactly the same amount of power and performance as mine.

Everything else – the steering, the suspension, even the option of a clever limited-slip front differential – is the same as well. And that’s a good thing, if I’m honest. Because the old Golf GTI was the world’s best hot hatch. And the new one is as well. Partly because it isn’t new at all. But mainly because it doesn’t think it has a puncture.

2017 VW Golf GTI 2.0 TSI

Engine: 2.0-litre four-cylinder turbo petrol (169kW/350Nm)

Average fuel: 6.4 litres per 100km

Transmission: Six-speed manual or automatic, front-wheel-drive

Available: from August (1.4-litre petrol and 2.0-litre diesel only)

Price: From $41,490

Score: 4 out of 5