Ford Puma ST-Line review

When I heard Ford was bringing back the Puma, I was quite excited, because the old one from the 1990s was a proper hoot.

2020 Ford Puma compact SUV.

In February, which was of course a different aeon, I visited my accountant and decided afterwards that I’d like a new car. I spent the next day with a man from Bentley, choosing options and holding swatches of leather up to the light. It was very exciting. But now I’ve got other, bigger things to think about, such as: will I be dead soon?

I used to be mildly asthmatic, I’ve smoked three-quarters of a million cigarettes and I’ve had pneumonia. Plus, I’ve just turned 60, so if I catch the virus and have to go to hospital I’ll be wheeled straight past the ventilators and put in the bin. And if I don’t catch the virus, it’ll get me next season or the season after that, when I’ll be even older and even less likely to survive. So with these thoughts ricocheting around my head, I’m not spending much time thinking about my Bentley Flying Spur – or any car, for that matter.

Still, when I heard Ford was bringing back the Puma, I was quite excited, because the old one from the 1990s was a proper hoot, and pretty too. But, actually, all Ford has done is brought back the name and put it on the back of a box. I guess a post-apocalyptic world where no one is rich or employed is no place for stylish and sporty automotive statementising. The motor car will simply be a tool, and that’s exactly what the new Puma is.

Ford has tried to make it look untoolish by giving it some curves and an enormous mouth, but this hasn’t really worked. It’s like putting snazzy training shoes on James May. He’s still James May. And, anyway, the styling isn’t very good.

The innards, however – that’s a different story. Let’s start at the back, in the enormous boot, which can be made even more enormous if you remove the floor. This reveals a washable well with a drain plug. Got a muddy dog? This is perfect: you can wash him and then lift him out.

The back seat is spacious enough for three children, but they won’t want to be there for long as there are no USB ports. There are no vents, either – but don’t worry if the resulting stuffiness causes vomiting, because you can unzip the seat covers and put them in the washing machine. Amazing. It’s almost as if this car was designed by an actual person who leads an actual life.

Happily, it’s obvious they also like driving, because, unlike almost every other small SUV, this one is a laugh when you’re in a hurry. It’s based on the Fiesta, which is the best-driving small car, and it shows. Yes, the 1-litre engine has only three cylinders, so it doesn’t sound as though you’re going to get much chilli in the mix. However, it is fitted with a large turbocharger. And to fill the time while that’s spooling up, there’s a hybrid drive system as well. So you get extremely good economy and a surprising amount of power.

Somehow, despite all the tech, the Puma is quite light, and that’s what makes it so brilliant to drive. It’s not better than the Fiesta, because it’s taller and bigger, but for an SUV it’s a peppy, whizzy riot.

I also like the location of the “lane keeping” switch. In most cars it’s fitted as an afterthought down by your right shin, but Ford has put it on the end of the indicator stalk so it’s easy to turn off. Which is something I do even before I’ve put my seatbelt on. Having an electronic nanny gently tugging at the wheel drives me to such despair, I often break down in tears. And it would be doubly annoying in the Ford, which has such lovely steering.

It also has a pretty good infotainment system. The writing’s a bit small for the elderly, but in the near future that won’t matter, because short-sighted people, and old people for that matter, will all be dead. I especially like the way you can change the look of the whole dashboard. This would keep a passenger amused for hours.

And, again, it shows that there’s someone deep in the bowels of Ford who understands what people want from a car. Speed, economy, safety, cheap insurance, blah, blah, blah. Funky lighting, sensibly placed switches and removable seat covers – that’s what matters. Along with a dog bath in the boot.

The only thing I didn’t like about the Puma, apart from the styling, was the seating. This is true of many Fords. It feels as if you’re at one of those parents’ evenings, sitting on chairs designed for a six-year-old.

Those things aside, though, this car, designed in one age for use in another, makes a great deal of sense. It could have been just another fridge-freezer in a long line-up of other whitegoods, but it’s not. It has some genuinely nice touches. If, then, I needed something to get me to and from my post-apocalyptic job, it’d be ideal.

Ford Puma ST-Line

Engine: 1.0-litre three-cylinder petrol/mild-hybrid (92kW/170Nm)

Average petrol: 6.3l per 100km

Transmission: Seven-speed dual-clutch automatic front-wheel drive

Price: From about $32,500 (in Australia late 2020)

Rating: ★★★★