Ferrari 812 GTS: ‘There is no need for this much power’

Even Lewis Hamilton would find this Ferrari hard to rein in. And who, seriously, wants to do 340km/h with the roof down?

Ferrari 812 GTS. Picture: supplied

After Lewis Hamilton crossed the finishing line in Turkey and clinched a record-equalling seventh Formula One world championship in November, he spent the next hour vomiting dreary right-on platitudes into every microphone he could find. After a brief pause while he pretended to have a little weep, he urged the sport to be more woke on racial issues and more sustainable, too. And then off he went to play with his vegan dog.

The only slight deviation from the Twitter playbook was an admission that as well as his usual post-race tipple, meat-free minestrone soup, he would allow himself some wine. This caused a friend’s son to send me a text: “What an arse this man is.” He’s not the only one to think like that. When Fernando Alonso won his world title, thousands of locals ringed the house where he’d been brought up, shouting jubilantly. But when Lewis won, his home town of Stevenage didn’t react at all. It’s as if he is not loved in Britain.

In Turkey the podium was occupied by Lewis, 35, Sergio Perez, 30, and Sebastian Vettel, 33. All the twenty-something young guns had been slithering hither and thither during that race, attempting moves that were impossible and paying the price. The old boys just went about their business calmly and sensibly, and were the last men standing. Weirdly, while I enjoyed the antics of the foetuses, I did find myself rooting for Vettel. Partly this is because I like him. He’s very funny. And it is partly because, after Ferrari told him earlier in the season that he wouldn’t be required in 2021, he was seemingly on a mission to damage his car as often as possible. He wouldn’t just biff a wing; oh no, when he went off, he made sure all four corners hit the barriers as hard as possible.

This made me happy because I’m not really a fan of Ferrari any more. It seems to me to be mostly a licensing operation for hats and T-shirts. Yet the fact the F1 team was in disarray in 2020 suggests the company’s best engineers are working on the road cars. And so it was with a spring in my step that I approached the new 812 GTS. I figured this V12 convertible would be a detuned, softened version of the ludicrous and way too powerful 812 Superfast that I reviewed some time back. But it isn’t. It’s just a Superfast fitted with a complicated folding metal roof, and you can never put those up and down in public because it looks as if you’re doing some kind of weird striptease. That’s OK in Miami and Dubai, but in Cheltenham? Hmm. Not sure.

I’m not sure about a lot of this car. Especially the styling. It is certainly striking, but it’s a long way from pretty. The interior is a mess, too. Ferrari needs to have a long sit-down to discuss its cockpits, because there are knobs and switches everywhere. I never once worked out how to put the lights on full beam, and there’s no need for such confusion.

Nor is there a need for this much power. In normal driving I reckon you would rarely use more than an inch of throttle travel. So you’re paying more than $670,000 for a car because it has a 6.5-litre V12 under the bonnet, and most of the time you can’t use it. It’s too scary.

With the roof down things are even worse, because while the wind is deflected away from your head, it still feels as though you’re in a bear that’s fallen off a cliff. This car would be much better if it had only half the power on tap. I really do mean that.

Handling? No idea. Every time I tried to do anything remotely interesting, the traction control light came on and that was that. I could have turned the system off, or put it in Race mode. But then I’m fairly sure I would have had a Vettel moment and hit some things.

I get why some people want a Ferrari; I went through that phase myself once. But I can’t get my head round why anyone would want an 812 GTS that is too big, too heavy and far too powerful. And who, seriously, wants to do 340km/h with the roof down? I’d far rather drive, and own, the less intimidating and less unnecessary V8 Roma. Or, if I wanted a convertible, the Portofino. I even like the way they are named after places in Italy. This is not something Aston Martin could do: the Aston Doncaster doesn’t have the same ring. And no one would buy a Mercedes Dusseldorf.

They may well soon, however, name a car after Lewis Hamilton, because it would be a fitting tribute to a man who was recently knighted. It’d probably be a car best enjoyed with the sound turned down.

Ferrari 812 GTS

ENGINE: 6.5-litre V12 petrol (588kW / 718Nm). Average fuel: 15.8 litres per 100km TRANSMISSION: F1 dual-clutch seven-speed PRICE: From $675,888