Bentley Bentayga S review: It’s like you’re driving around in a Prada boutique
As auto brands go, Bentley sits in rarefied air — but seriously — half a million dollars for this?
Rich people can’t be complete idiots, can they? It is possible that they are suckers, however – although I don’t believe a rich person is born every minute.
The market for luxury goods is an enduring mystery to me, and a gushing firehose of cash for those lucky enough to be in that business. I don’t imagine that non-trustafarians got rich by being feckless or foolish with their money, but they do seem to reach a point at which they have so much of it that they develop the strange habit of walking into bling boutiques and high-end car dealers and saying, “Good morning, you pale, proletariat lickspittles, I have come to splurge forth the seed of my wealth. I’d like you to take my enormous wallet and treat it the way a fox deals with a chicken.
“Do not hold back. Yes, I’d like gold-plated fries with that, and every other costly option you’ve got as well. I am – in case my cravat, pocket square and chunky watch haven’t made this clear already – so rich that I just don’t care.”
Or words to that effect. Personally, if I had $450,200 to spend on a gigantic, grandiose and grunt-tastic SUV like the Bentley Bentayga S I would expect to get absolutely everything included with it, perhaps even a chauffeur, and a selection of branded clothing.
If the Bentley lickspittle informed me that I would need to spend an extra $8243.95 on “paint protection” I would laugh in his pleading face and have my batman beat him with a Louis Vuitton branded cosh.
The Front Seat Comfort Specification at $7693.40 would send me into a similar rage (surely “comfort” is included in a Bentley; it’s the word that pretty much defines the brand), as would the “Touring Specification” at $16,981.25 and the Standard Brakes with Red Painted Calipers at $3353.35. (“If they’re just the Standard brakes, how can they be EXTRA?” I picture myself shouting.)
To be fair, I really, really like the “Heated, Duo-Tone, 3 Spoke, Alcantara Trimmed Steering Wheel” – it looks and feels as lovely as can be and is just about the nicest steering device I’ve ever held, but surely it should be part of the price, rather than a $1179.75 extra (it actually sounds strangely cheap next to the other options, particularly $7164.30 for the “Contrast Stitching and Piping”).
The total price for the Dragon Red II Bentayga S I drove was $543,757.75, and I’m sorry to bang on about the numbers, but I was genuinely blown away by that. It’s not that the Bentley isn’t impressive – it smells like you’re driving around in a Prada boutique, the ride is luxuriant, the ambience delightful – but if I’d had to guess at the price I would have picked a number about $300,000 lower.
But this is the thing about brands, and what the wildly wealthy are prepared to pay for them. Bentley sits in rarefied air, up there in the Silver Clouds with Rolls-Royce, and while it’s not a marque that appeals to me personally – it’s a bit too fusty for a thrusting young thing like me – it did cause great excitement among my neighbours.
I had to let them down gently by pointing out that the Bentayga is an SUV and that it is thus missing one of the core elements that makes Bentleys desirable: attractive design. It’s also distantly related to an Audi SQ7, which you can get into for around a third of the price.
On the plus side, it does behave like a dual-stage Saturn V rocket on the road, should you be tempted to fully engage its 4.0-litre, twin-turbo V8 engine, which makes a properly expensive sounding 404kW and 770Nm.
The first stage of its acceleration is mildly impressive, as you feel the big engine girding its loins to move all that leather and loveliness, but then the second-stage rocket boosters kick in and the Bentayga S simply explodes, complete with a cacophony that sounds like big-lunged bagpipers blowing up metallic balloons until they pop. Coming from a machine that’s so composed and quiet most of the time, the noise, and the thrust – 0 to 100km/h takes just 4.5 seconds – are a solid surprise.
Unfortunately, the Bentley itself also seems surprised by how fast it is, as the nose of the car rears in the air under hard acceleration, before porpoising a bit as you suddenly mash the (Standard) brakes in panic.
Overall, there’s a slight sense of confusion, or split personality, about the Bentayga, and that sporty S badge probably isn’t helping. In essence, it is a hugely comfortable, quiet and imposing machine (some people seemed to like the look of it, whereas I just kept picturing a London cab painted red) that is ideally suited to travelling long distances with ease. But it has also got a wild, Mr Hyde side that jars somewhat, and seems to rattle the very Bentayga itself with its violence. It can lull you into thinking it’s dull, before scaring the crap out of you.
Having said that, if you want a plush SUV that allows you to drop into conversation the fact that you just spent half a million dollars on a set of very big wheels, it could be just the bling you’re looking for.
Bentley Bentayga S
ENGINE: 4.0-litre, twin-turbo V8 (404kW/ 770Nm)
FUEL ECONOMY: 13 litres per 100km
TRANSMISSION: 8-speed automatic, all-wheel drive
PRICE: From $450,200
STARS: 3.5 out of 5
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