Carefully curated’: The hotel buzzwords driving guests mad

Just when I thought the world of hospitality had enough ‘elevating’ or ‘careful curating’, the marketing team take it to another level.

A hotel in Spain where they hopefully don’t curate your mini-bar.

Last week I reserved an overnight stay at a hotel in the Sydney CBD so I could treat a friend to a birthday dinner at her restaurant of choice, giggle and gossip too much, and not have to worry about missing the last train back to my regional bunker. So far, so good.

The day before, I received an email asking me if I wished to “uplift” my stay. Uplift? Um, pick it up and move elsewhere? Speak flatteringly to the no-doubt tiny and boring room (I admit to booking the cheapest category) and lift its sagging spirits?

No, apparently this is the new term for “upgrade”, and the hotel thinks I can do better, like my maths and science teachers of days long gone. Such judgment may stalk me to the grave, although I know my sainted English language tutor is in heaven, grasping an editor’s blue pencil, so perhaps there’s hope of a reunion upstairs, not down.

Luggage to be elevated or simply to go in the elevator?

The trend to uplift could even spell the end of “elevate”, which I’d almost come to terms with, despite its meaningless applications. It’s a word; it has feelings. I was too unkind. So a chain restaurant can ask if I want my burger elevated with pickles and instead of picking a fight as I would have done a year ago, I just politely decline, albeit it with a defeated sigh.

A real estate agent can advertise an elevated ensuite and I don’t even bother starting an argument about whether it is in a treehouse. But I still look out for jests such as this, discovered on an online thread: “Elevate your business? Oh, you mean put your articles of incorporation in a hot air balloon?”

A hotel in Paris.

Just when we thought elevating our stays was the worst example of gobbledegook, this year started with a hotel group unveiling its “evolution into a guest-facing Masterbrand”. Well, guys, face facts and lose that capital M for a start, unless you’re a registered automotive paint and primer company; that took all of 10 seconds on Google to establish.

But what actually matters is the continued, and urgent, need for clear and concise “messaging” that actually tells us something. Meantime, the hospitality world’s “careful curation” of everything from hotel bathroom amenities to complimentary cheese platters continues unabated.

‘Complementary’ mini bars.

Mostly, though, the latter are “complementary”. Just saying. And how I long for a carelessly curated minibar. That would be one that’s heavy with rogue kilojoules. After all, I do need something fantastically sweet and sinful to binge on while twirling that blue pencil as I “redefine” the “immersive hand-crafted” experiences in the guest services compendium.

What do you think?