Hotel blunders: 10 ways hoteliers get guest experience wrong

Our recent story on hotels behaving badly drew a huge response from readers, who have drawn our attention to additional examples of modern hospitality getting it wrong.

Hotels get a lot of things right but also a lot of things wrong.

In our January 18-19 issue, we kicked off the year with a rundown of 20 infuriating ways hoteliers make guests see red, from non-intuitive technology to sneaky surcharges. Turns out there are many more bugbears of poorly conceived design and delivery to send us crazy. Thanks to a massive response from readers, and a swag of great suggestions, let’s check in and launch into 10 additional examples of hotels behaving badly.

1. Why no top-sheet on beds, but simply a doona?

This gives guests little latitude to regulate temperature. Doona on, it’s hot. Doona off, it’s cold. Doona cover … is it laundered after every use? Good luck wrangling the aircon, designed by a NASA scientist, if the doona proves too hot, but if you end up running it all night, do not feel guilty. Be assured the hotel is saving the planet, one reused towel and compostable decaf coffee pod at a time.

2. Tuck is too tight

If there is a top-sheet, it’ll be so tightly tucked in that you could break a wrist attempting to wrest it open. In this vein (as it were) the sheet will be almost welded under the mattress at the end of the bed and impossible to pull up to shoulder level.

There is nothing worse than bed sheets that are tucked too tight.

3. Not enough coat hangers

Wardrobes frequently have too few coat hangers and just one shelf or foldable stand for suitcases but no consideration that two people could be sharing the room. Where to stash additional luggage? And why no sturdy hooks for, say, shoulder or duffel bags? There’s usually no space under beds unless you’re ensconced at an English manor house with high four-posters. My best memory of that rather regal scenario was doing an athletic run-up from the door and flinging myself aboard, clutching so desperately at swagged velvet curtains around the posts that I accidentally pulled them down. Later there was a mouse to deal with. And a ratty general manager.

4. Toiletries that are unreadabe

Big, bold brand names on bathroom unguents fixed to the walls of showers but tiny, faint lettering to identify the contents. How to read whether you’re applying shampoo, conditioner or gel unless you regularly bathe wearing spectacles. There’s a thought; maybe someone could invent bathing goggles with built-in wipers, but that particular genius would not be in senior hotel management.

5. What is a bath sheet?

Huge “bath-sheets” rather than standard towels. Ever tried drying your hair with one of these unwieldy giants? And why so few towel hooks that can be readily reached from the shower? And … toilet roll holders set at an undignified distance from the throne.

Why is there often not enough furniture in hotel rooms?

6. Lack of helpful information...or helpful staff

Nonsensical signs such as one spotted by reader Bruce on a silk lamp that requested guests not to dry their underwear thereon. Apparently, that would stain the silk. But let’s not include helpful information such as a bedside list of direct extensions to call for hotel services. No, just take a punt that punching nine or zero will summon up a master traffic controller who’ll politely connect you without further ado. That’s a lost cause, believe me. Prepare for a muzak migraine, interrupted by a robotic voice assuring your call is important and will be answered by the first available … blah, blah.

7. Hairdryers attached to walls

Hairdryers on weird consoles attached to walls with short leads that are far from the bathroom mirror. And why not actual plug-in hairdryers? Is it to deter theft by desperate offenders who try to abscond with half the room’s inventory? Perhaps that’s why doors with swift-closing springs are so popular. Let’s nab the thieves in action and break their ankles.

8. Not enough kettles or a big enough kettle. And why all the coffee?

If a kettle is supplied, it probably won’t fit under the tap in the shallow bathroom basin to be readily refilled. Granted, five-star hotels usually provide a kitchenette set-up but that doesn’t ease the pain of just two lonely English Breakfast teabags (herbal is for hippies, apparently) and four Nespresso capsules arranged like pairs of precious earrings and a bar fridge that rattles all night with the force of a freight train.

And also never enough staff at the end of the phone line.

9. Not enough furniture for guests

If guests have booked a double or twin-share room, therein lies a pretty good clue that there will be two people. So why just that one lonely chair? How to decide who gets to sit? A quick game of rock, paper, scissors? Grounds for divorce have been less complicated than this issue.

10. Why does it take so long to get a secuity deposit back?

A security deposit deducted from credit cards upon check-in is understandable but there could be a considerable delay in getting funds reinstated. Ten days is average, but often this is related to whether or not guests have damaged a room or pilfered accessories (I told you to leave those fancy cushions alone), which is understandable but holding on to funds too long is not. Avoid nasty surprises if your card is hitting max credit by confirming the hotel’s policy in advance. Check, too, if debit cards are equally acceptable but make sure you have loaded extra funds. As for cash, don’t be surprised if the junior desk clerk holds up, say, a $100 note to the light as if it’s a rare artefact, which it is, of course. Who was Dame Nellie Melba, anyway? Laugh too loudly and you’ll be toast.

Did we miss anything?

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