Bentley Continental GT review: The king of bling

Finally a Bentley that fulfils its lavish promise.

Bentley Continental GT.

Because no one apart from me turns up on time these days, I spend a lot of my life sitting in restaurants or bars, scrolling through my phone, pretending that I’m doing important business deals. Mostly, though, I’m on my internet platform DriveTribe looking at videos of Russians crashing their Lamborghinis.

Recently I happened upon some footage of a horrific accident. It showed a Volvo trundling along at about 70km/h and then, for no obvious reason, drifting gently into the wrong lane and smashing head-on into a 42-tonne lorry. When the utterly ruined car came to a halt, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The driver calmly opened what was left of the door. It was incredible that anyone could have survived such an impact, but not as incredible as the caption that said: “Since it was launched in the UK 14 years ago, no one has died in a Volvo XC90. Ever.”

I find this incredible because, with the best will in the world, Volvo XC90s tend to be driven by mums who spend most of the time facing backwards and shouting at Toby to stop kicking his sister. They are the exact sort of car you’d expect to drift into the wrong lane, and yet not a single Brit has died in one. Not even of boredom.

So that’s that, then. In a health and safety-obsessed world where no one is allowed to die, ever, of anything, your next car has to be a Volvo. There is no other sane choice.

Except of course there is, because while the authorities are obsessed with our safety and health we actually couldn’t give a stuff. What we want is something that we think will make us attractive to the opposite sex. Or the same sex, if that’s your thing. Which brings us neatly to the Bentley Continental GT.

When the Continental GT was launched in 2003, it was a rather dowdy thing that went around with its dad, being polite and happy and well mannered. Then one day and for no obvious reason it decided it didn’t want to go round with its dad anymore and became quite cool. And now it’s got a big watch and it’s gone a bit mental on the bling front.

As a general rule I don’t like bling, but I have got to be honest: the new GT’s headlamps are amazing. Each one contains 82 LEDs, and at night they glisten like a rapper’s chandelier.

When you sit in the Continental GT, you’re left in no doubt that a hell of a lot of work goes into making it feel so damn special. You push the button marked “Screen” and the whole centre section of the dash rotates to become a sat-nav map. You push it again and you get three conventional dials.

Everything is completely OTT. The speaker grilles. The stalks. The vent buttons. Even the diamond pattern on the seats, each of which is made up of 712 stitches.

It is also a car. Bentley’s engineers are at pains to point out that behind the seen-it-before styling, everything is new. They say that the W12 engine is mounted further back and the front wheels further forwards, which improves the handling. I’m sure they’re right. But it still feels like the old model – and that’s not a criticism.

I took it around a track and it felt big and heavy and four-wheel-driveish. Which is as it should be. If I wanted something lithe and pointy, I’d buy an Aston Martin DB11.

On the motorway it was sublime. Quiet and, even in the “Bentley” mode on the adaptive suspension, extremely comfortable. It’s fast, too. Despite the weight, the car will get from 0 to 100km/h in 3.7 seconds.

The only slight niggle is that the adjustable steering wheel doesn’t come quite far enough towards the driver. And then there’s the panicky radar system that kept jamming on the brakes to avoid an accident that wasn’t going to happen anyway. These, though, are niggles. And a Volvoish attitude to my wellbeing is probably not such a bad thing.

Overall, I thought this was an absolutely fabulous car. A brilliant piece of over-the-top styling sitting like the icing on a properly made cake. If I had to choose between this and the DB11, I’d be in a right old muddle. But as I’m pushing 60, I’d probably go for the Continental.

Fast facts Bentley Continental GT.

Engine: 6.0-litre twin turbo-petrol W12 (467kW/900Nm)

Average fuel 12.2 litres per 100km

Transmission: Eight-speed automatic, all-wheel drive

Price: $422,600 (available August)

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars