Rallying, it’s a dirty business

THERE’S only 100 days to the biggest event on the global motoring calendar: the Shitbox Rally.

A care in the 2013 Shitbox Rally. Picture: Rodney Magazinovic

THERE’S only 100 days to the biggest event on the global motoring calendar. Let’s not beat around the bush (an amazing pun when you read on), it’s not F1 in Melbourne, Top Gear in Sydney, Le Mans in Le Mans, Goodwood in Goodwood, Historic Winton in Victoria or even the Leyburn Sprints around Shane Webcke’s Royal Hotel.

And happy birthday, Shane! He had his 150th last year. Not Shane himself, although after 20 years playing as a front-rower in rugby league, he does look a bit the worse for wear. No, it was in 1863 that Jimmy Murray built the Royal and opened for business. Jim liked to sample the merchandise, and died six months later from cirrhosis of the liver. Anyway, just mention John, Phil or the motoring section to get a big discount off the 800g Webcke rump with choice of sauce. Normal retail is $80.

And it’s not the second birthday of the Shepparton Motor Museum, although you have to be there tomorrow for the huge motor show to celebrate. Despite our federal government hating the fruit bowl of Australia and the $350 million the industry generates there every year, you’ll love it.

No, it’s the fourth annual Shitbox Rally. Yes, more than 250 cars, none worth more than $1000, driving 4000km through the toilet bowl of Australia from Perth to Darwin through Meekatharra, Marble Bar and Broome before heading into the Kimberley. The highlight will be driving the Gibb River Road, which used to take a month, but I’m told it’s a bit quicker now we have cars.

Founder and organiser Jim Freeman is hoping the fools mad enough to take part will raise more than $1.4 million for the Cancer Council. You need to go to the website www.shitboxrally.com.au, click teams and look at the cast of characters and team names. Who wouldn’t want to support “Two Girls. One is Mad”; “Mid Life Barbies” or “Lucky Shag”.

There are only two teams you really need to focus on. First up, the returning Wallace Grommets squad from 2013, Ben and Dan Wallace. These Byron Bay superstars and McTavish surfboard makers cleaned up last year in a $350 Subaru and threaten big things in a car they will buy two days before the Shitbox begins on May 31.

Of course, all eyes and money will be on our own Weekend Australian motoring team of yours truly and co-driver Tom Connolly. We have bought the BA Ford Ute back from Tom’s grandfather at a favourable price, and are confident it is good for at least the first 10km.

Naturally, being seriously green, our racing supplier Nathan Stephens has installed two LPG tanks on the tray. Phil King has already lodged a protest, saying they look suspiciously like beer kegs.

Talking of car insurance, you know only two companies own most of the market, IAG and Suncorp. They would like to see all repairs done in their own shops. Weirdly, there are exceptions in the same company. So, and this is talking from bitter recent and expensive experience, while most good panel shops won’t repair AAMI (owned by Suncorp)-insured cars, Shannons (also Suncorp-owned) lets you choose your repairer.

Shannons is the equivalent of Hagerty Insurance in the US. Hagerty runs ads with lines like: “Instead of buying fewer cars, build more garages”; “You remember the birthdays of your 32 cars, but not your three children” and “Your garage has gone up in value since 2008, your home, business and investments - not so much”.

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