From Gen Z to Hollywood, a tide is turning toward the celibacy movement
Celebrities like Lenny Kravitz and Julia Fox are calling timeout on having sex but there’s a cohort of young people who are all too willing to join the celibacy movement.
Hope Woodard was 25 when she moved to New York City with her then boyfriend. When they broke up, she dipped in and out of casual flings for a few years. By her own admission, it was both fun and chaotic until she started to develop feelings for a Londoner who unceremoniously gave her the cold shoulder.
“He just ghosted me one day,” says the now 28-year-old. So she did what many twentysomethings do in crisis and uploaded a video to TikTok, in it decreeing she was ‘boy sober’. No dating, sex, hook-ups or situationships for an entire year.
“I was thinking this could go on for the rest of my life if I don’t do something,” says Woodard of her unfortunate dating experiences. “If nothing changes, nothing changes. Let’s just see if I can try something different.” Her clip resonated, and has since been viewed more than 800k times.
The rise of voluntary celibacy
Woodard is part of a growing cohort of women taking a sexual hiatus. The hashtag celibacy has had more than 70 million posts on TikTok, and Google trend data over the past 12 months shows an increase in searches for both ‘abstinence’ and ‘voluntary celibacy’. Tellingly, a recent survey by the Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute, a research organisation that examines the science and trends behind sexuality, gender and reproduction, found about one in six women are forgoing sex. Of the 1,500 US-based participants, more than 15 per cent identified as being ‘single by choice’ (for men, it was less than 10 per cent), with most also indicating they were content with their decision.
From Lady Gaga to Justin Bieber, celebrities are also practising abstinence
Some celebrities are also calling timeout on sex. In a 2024 interview with The Guardian, Lenny Kravitz stated he hadn’t been in a serious relationship for nine years and his decision to be celibate was “a spiritual thing”. Meanwhile, Justin Bieber reportedly went sex-free before he wed Hailey Baldwin, and Lady Gaga, proving she is always ahead of the curve, admitted in 2010 to being “quite celibate”.
Ditto Julia Fox. When dating app Bumble attempted to capitalise on the movement by erecting billboards denouncing abstinence (‘A vow of celibacy is not the answer’, they read), Fox’s response was swift. The actor and headlinemaker stating: “2.5 years of celibacy and never been better tbh.”
“Young adults today are having less sex with fewer partners compared to generations past,” says Dr Justin Lehmiller, social psychologist and research fellow at the Kinsey Institute. “So despite all we hear about hook-up culture, [because] it does sound like Gen Z are doing it all the time, they’re not.”
Sexual liberation comes in many forms, and it’s a common misconception that it’s a precursor to having more sex. “A lot of people assume that it means being really kinky and having really advanced sexual experiences,” explains Georgia Grace, a Sydney-based sex educator and co-founder of sexual wellness company, Normal. “It is a radical act of sexual progression, because it’s saying, ‘I am choosing bodily autonomy’ and ‘I’m choosing boundaries’, rather than just having sex because I think I should, or I’m young, or I owe it to someone else.”
Celibacy isn’t new. Since the beginning of time people have been forgoing sex for a variety of reasons. Historically, religious beliefs influenced sexual behaviour, and although decisions about sex are sometimes still linked to faith, the modern movement is more nuanced.
Why Gen Z isn’t having sex
According to Lehmiller, over the past 10 to 15 years, young people have been having less sex for personal reasons. Any boundaries they do choose to put in place are on their own terms, and short of vowing to never be intimate again, many are opting for sex-free stints of just a few weeks or months. “It’s definitely the case that the modern celibacy movement is very different from what came before,” he says.
There are a host of reasons women are forgoing sex. Chief among them, mental health and self-development.
“A lot of people are prioritising their wellbeing and choosing abstinence to focus on their self-care, their boundaries, their energy, and their emotional healing,” says author and sex therapist Chantelle Otten.
Like Woodward, and many others sharing their #boysober journeys on the internet, it’s a purely personal pursuit, while others cite past trauma as their reason to forgo partnered pleasure. “Or they’re noticing certain patterns of behaviour they’re really not enjoying in themselves,” says Grace, highlighting that much of the conversation around new-wave abstinence is predominantly heteronormative. “They feel they’re not meeting anyone they like, or the experiences have been anything from bad to unfulfilling.”
For one friend, who recently ended a long-term relationship, celibacy cleared the path for personal growth and self-discovery. “I just want to figure out who I am on my own without sex complicating everything,” says the 38-year-old of her self-prescribed sex embargo that will end whenever she decides it’s no longer serving her.
“It’s saying, ‘I am choosing bodily autonomy’ and ‘I’m choosing boundaries’, rather than just having sex because I think I should”
When Fox was pressed further on a late-night talk show about her decision to forgo sex, she called out the political landscape, particularly in the US. Since Roe v. Wade was overturned in the country in 2022, a recent US study by Match Group, which operates a number of popular matchmaking platforms, found that more than one in 10 single people under 50 say they are having less sex for fear of pregnancy.
Why women are having less sex
“In terms of why it’s more prevalent overall for women, when you look at research on women who are voluntarily celibate, the single-most common reason they describe is because they see sex as being too risky,” explains Lehmiller, adding that the stakes can range from the emotional gamble of relationships to physical vulnerability.
“The experiences have been anything from bad to unfulfilling”
Another motivation? The orgasm gap. A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour, found only 65 per cent of heterosexual women surveyed ‘usually or always’ orgasmed during partnered sex, compared to 95 per cent of heterosexual men. Stats like this go some way to explaining why many women who are closing the door on sex with a partner are still exploring self-pleasure.
“Partial celibacy has always been more common because avoiding self-pleasure is something that’s difficult for a lot of people,” says Lehmiller.
So what happens when you take sex off the table? For Woodard, being celibate has provided some insights into her personality, including her aversion to solo time. “I have found out that I really do not like to be alone and it is just my nature to always be with someone,” she says. The pledge has also changed her view on who she welcomes into her life (and bed) in the future.
“I’m gonna go out there, and, I don’t know, probably make out with someone tonight,” says Woodard jokingly. “Yes it [boy sober] can be serious, and it can have a timeline, and it can be about really working on yourself. But I also think there’s something really fun about it being very lighthearted.”
For the celibacy curious, Grace suggests reflection as a sound starting point. “Think, why are you doing this? Is having these boundaries for yourself around sex important for you right now? And how are these actions and agreements that you’re going to make with yourself or others going to support you in getting a bit closer to fulfilling those needs?” says Grace, who occasionally suggests varying forms of voluntary abstinence to both singles and couples in her therapy room.
If you’ve ever practised Dry July or Ocsober, you know that anything that goes against the cultural grain can raise a few eyebrows. In response to my newly celibate friend, a mutual friend didn’t hold back: “Why on earth are you doing that?” she probed over a glass of wine (well, she’s not going without everything). “Because I can,” she shot back.
As Lehmiller sums up: “Choosing not to have sex is an empowering decision which is, in fact, just as empowering as choosing to.”
