BMW 530d xDrive Touring as good as it gets

Fast, handsome, economical, very comfortable, reliable and genuinely good fun to drive. This is as good as it gets

BMW 530d

For many years I have argued that, all things considered, the BMW 530d estate is the best car in the world. It’s fast, handsome, economical, very comfortable, reliable and genuinely good fun to drive. And now there’s a new version that is supposedly better in every way. But can you, I wondered, get Alex James from Blur into the boot with one of his guitars? And then could you get the record producer William Orbit into the middle of the back seat, and could they play The Chain by Fleetwood Mac as we were driven from one party to the next?

Like any sensible chap who’s looking through beer-stained goggles at what’s obviously going to be a big night, I made sure a driver was on hand to deal with the business of moving me about. The trouble is that these days a driver is a bit like a packet of cigarettes at a party: around 10pm everyone decides to help themselves.

So that’s why, as we left dinner, Alex and his wife asked if they could cadge a lift. That would make four of us plus a driver, and that’s no problem at all in the big Beemer. But then I noticed Mr Orbit looking a bit crestfallen, so he had to come too. And for some reason that isn’t clear, both he and Alex had guitars. “It’s OK,” said Alex. “I’ll go in the boot.”

Having wedged himself in, he then decided he’d quite like to play us a tune. But this was tricky since he was upside down and could access only half of his fretboard. To make matters worse, Mr Orbit was stuck between me, who’s quite long, and my girlfriend, who’s even longer. And yet after just five miles, they had it cracked. And so we were whizzing through Oxfordshire, with live music. It was a happy night.

Of course there are other large cars in which a brace of musicians could perform but very few are so good at everything else as well.

‘The head restraints are also headrests: big soft pillows into which you can nuzzle.’

Let me give you an example. When you fill the tank in a normal car, you are informed by a readout on the dash that you have a range of... what? Three hundred miles? Three hundred and fifty? Well, after you fill the tank in the 530d, you’re told you can go 550 miles before you need to stop again. And that, if you hate filling stations as much as I do, is enough of a reason to sign on the dotted line.

But there’s more. The head restraints in most cars are designed to be just that. Restraints. Tools to prevent you from becoming an insurance fraudster by complaining that you have whiplash. But in the BMW they are also headrests: big soft pillows into which you can nuzzle when Alex and William are serenading you with a gentle ballad.

Or what about the sat-nav? In your car you have to sit there spelling out where you’d like to go. You can do that in the BMW if you like. Or you can write it out longhand on the touchpad, or you can just say where you’d like to go. Three alternatives to do one thing.

It’s the same story on the road. You know it’s a diesel powering you because you heard the familiar clatter when you started. But now you can’t hear it at all. BMW has done something fancy here with the acoustics, because at a cruise the engine is silent. And not because it’s broken. You know this because when you put your foot down it’s as if you’ve been caught up in a giant wave of torque. The TwinPower turbo is spinning and the six pistons are causing God knows how many explosions a minute, but all you can hear are the tyres as you lunge – and you really do lunge – towards the next bend.

And that’s something you’re looking forward to, because the steering is perfectly judged, the brakes haul down the speed with infinitely variable feel and, thanks to that four-wheel-drive system, there is almost never any understeer. It’s all just grip.

Finally, there’s the business of quality. BMW has always had to play second fiddle to Mercedes in this area, but I just don’t think that’s the case anymore. If you push and pull all the trim in the 5 Series, it feels like a barnacle that’s been welded in place. It all gives the impression it’s there to stay. Forever.

I could go on, but there’s no point, because this is as good as it gets. It’s 130 years of development in a package that’s as faultless as current technology permits.

BMW 530d xDrive Touring

Engine: 3.0-litre turbocharged six-cylinder diesel (195kW/620Nm) | Transmission: Eight-speed automatic, all-wheel drive | Average fuel: 5.5 litres per 100km | Price: £52,305 (this engine not available in Australia; 520d Touring from $99,900)