Workplace Relations Minister Murray Watt knows so much about his portfolio that he should go on Mastermind

The Mocker examines how Murray Watt would fare on quiz show Mastermind.

Workplace Relations Minister Murray Watt knows so much about his portfolio that he should go on Mastermind, writes The Mocker.

Host: Hello and welcome to another episode of Mastermind. Our first contestant is Workplace Relations Minister Murray Watt. Welcome.

Watt: Great to be here.

Host: Your special topic is corruption in construction unions. There is a lot happening in that space, especially with the CFMEU, isn’t there?

Watt: There is indeed. You name it, the CFMEU has it. Organised crime, outlaw motorcycle gang infiltration, violence and intimidation, strongarming companies, black-banning suppliers, bribes, and systemic corruption. But no-one should underestimate the Albanese government’s resolve to eliminate these practices.

Host: But these revelations weren’t exactly a surprise, were they?

Watt: On the contrary, every one of us in Labor was aghast. Astounded. Gobsmacked.

Host: Hang on, wasn’t the Prime Minister sent an email containing detailed allegations of these goings-on in 2022?

Watt: He’s got a big inbox to get through. A very, very big inbox. And let me say that Labor’s responses to reports of union corruption are longstanding and consistent. Every time these allegations arise, we say we are going to stamp out this behaviour for good. I say again: we are going to stamp out this behaviour for good. In the words of my predecessor Tony Burke and Anthony Albanese, “everything’s on the table”.

Host: So you do not rule out deregistering the CFMEU?

Watt: Just to clarify, when I said: “everything’s on the table”, I didn’t mean deregistration was on the table. But everything else is on the table.

Host: A royal commission?

Watt: Not on the table.

Host: Some other judicial inquiry, then?

Watt: No, not on the table.

Host: Reinstituting an agency dedicated to countering unlawful behaviour on construction sites?

Watt: Definitely not on the table. But this government is acting decisively by appointing an administrator to the union.

Host: An administrator?

Watt: Indeed. If there is one thing that terrifies bikie gangs and other violent criminals, it is an administrator in a suit and tie. And let me just say that whoever the administrator is, we will equip them with extraordinary powers to change the culture of CFMEU for the better.

Host: Will the administrator be able to investigate third parties?

Watt: No.

Host: Will the administrator be able to compel third parties to give evidence and produce documents?

Watt: No.

Host: Will the administrator have the power to hold public hearings?

Watt: No.

Host: And you claim these limited measures will clean up the most corrupt and militant union in Australia?

Watt: Absolutely. No-one should underestimate our resolve to –

Host: How long have you held this portfolio?

Watt: Just under four weeks.

Host: Good heavens. Let’s get underway. Question one: How much has the CFMEU donated to federal Labor since Anthony Albanese became leader?

Watt: Pass.

Host: The answer is $6.2m. Question two: When he was just 18, CFMEU national construction division secretary Zach Smith contested the Victorian state seat of Gippsland East for which party?

Watt: That’s a no-brainer. Liberal. Not only did that pretender-in-a-hard-hat go to a toffy grammar school, but he was also a prefect there. A blue blood to the core.

Host: Actually, he ran for Labor. Question three: In 2016, which former prime minister called for Labor to cut all ties with the CFMEU and reduce overall union influence within the party?

Watt: Malcolm Turnbull. And his demand was typical of the Coalition’s anti-union ideology –

Host: No, it was former Labor leader Bob Hawke. Question four: According to an analysis by Ernst & Young in 2022, how much would overall economic activity decline by 2030 if Labor abolished the Australian Building and Construction Commission?

Watt: (Covers ears) “CAN’T HEAR YOU, LA, LA, LA, LA, LA, CAN’T HEAR YOU”.

Host: You forfeit that one. The answer is $47.5bn.

Watt: Can you not ask me about the ABCC?

Watt in the Senate. Picture: NewsWire / Martin Ollman

Host: Background to question five: In July 2022, when announcing the abolition of the ABCC, your predecessor Tony Burke said: “The Fair Work Ombudsman will take on the role of enforcing the Fair Work Act in the building and construction industry, ensuring there won’t be a shortfall in workplace relations regulation within the industry.”

Watt: He did say that, and Tony was spot on. No shortfall in regulation whatsoever.

Host: Your question is: as of April 28, 2024, and following the abolition of the ABCC, how many cases has the Fair Work Ombudsman initiated against the CFMEU?

Watt: Well as I’ve pointed out numerous times, the Fair Work Ombudsman is independent of the government, and I’m not across –

Host: How many cases have they initiated against the CFMEU in that period?

Watt: Not sure, but I’m very confident there was no shortfall in regulating the building industry since we abolished the deeply flawed and politically compromised ABCC.

Host: The answer is ‘zero cases’.

Watt: Can I just say for the benefit of your viewers – by abolishing the ABCC, we have increased productivity in the construction industry.

Host: Interesting claim. Question six: According to ASIC, how many construction companies filed for insolvency in the 2023/24 financial year?

Watt: Pass.

Host: A total of 2832.

Watt: That number’s down from the year before though, surely?

Host: Actually, it’s up by 28 per cent. Question seven: Which organisation was the biggest financial contributor to Premier Daniel Andrews’ re-election campaign in 2022?

Watt: That’s a tough one. Can you give me a clue?

Host: It begins with ‘C’

Watt: China?

Host: No, the CFMEU. Question eight: since mid-2006, industry super funds have given a total of $114.5m to trade unions. Which union was the biggest beneficiary of that largesse?

Watt: Pass.

Host: The CFMEU, which received $33.65m. Question nine: which newspaper ran with an editorial in July 2024 regarding the CFMEU, saying that “given the money flows between the union, criminals, building companies and the Labor Party, cleaning out this poison must surely require action by federal or state corruption bodies”?

Watt: That was The Australian, with their never-ending anti-Labor bias –

Host: No, it was The Australian Financial Review, which is owned by Nine Publishing. Last question. When asked on ABC radio this month whether the CFMEU’s actions had inflated costs in the housing sector, which Labor doofus replied: “I’ve had a bit of a look at this … and I cannot find any evidence whatsoever to support that”?

Watt: Doofus? What did –

Host: Correct. He’s finally off the mark!

Watt: I am?

Host: Just out of interest, Murray Watt – the CFMEU has engaged in price-fixing, cartel-like activities, eliminating non-unionised competitors from the market, black-banning suppliers who refuse to kowtow to the union, received bribes from building companies, and to top it off you have enterprise bargains that result in CFMEU members being paid up to $237,000 a year.

Watt: Correct.

Host: And you say there is no evidence the CFMEU is inflating costs in the construction sector?

Watt: (Pauses) Can I phone a friend?

Host: Wrong show, but in any event we have come to the end. The bad news is that out of ten questions, you have answered only one correctly.

Watt: And the good news?

Host: The good news is you are superbly qualified for your portfolio, at least as far as Labor, or rather the union movement, is concerned.

Watt: Fantastic. Are we done then?

Host: Yes. Incidentally, what was your last portfolio?

Watt: Minister for Agriculture.

Host: What was your claim to fame there?

Watt: Banning live sheep exports.

Host: Why did you do that?

Watt: Why? I empathise with sheep.

Host: Figures.