Obsessed with protein? You’re not alone

Venture further into the supermarket and you’ll find protein powder buckets so big you’ll need to bench press 50kg to lift them

Like everyone who has a passing interest in wellness, I have heard the message du jour. I should eat more protein. This sounds sensible, if only because protein sounds science-y and the alternative – carbohydrates – sounds soft and squishy. And white. And we all know white is bad.

According to wellness experts, protein sends you into ketosis, sends vegans into paroxysms, helps your body recover faster than a Berocca cocktail, makes jerks looks jacked and, because it is expensive, you can only eat a little bit and therefore you lose weight.

The only problem about protein – apart from the earnestness it elicits from friends who used to drink Negronis – is that it needs cooking.

Think of it. Meat needs flame; eggs need heat and often a beat; chicken needs a lot of heat or it will kill you; fish needs a flash fry unless you want to subsist on sushi, which is so expensive you will choke every time you have a $4 bite. At least protein no longer requires hunting, unless you’re looking for eggs, in which case you’ll be covering a lot of territory and fighting off competitors for the last tray of chef eggs.

The only problem about protein – apart from the earnestness it elicits from friends who used to drink Negronis – is that it needs cooking.

Cooking is a problem for many of us in the 21st century. We have become accustomed to snacking, swiping for deliveries and we consider putting something in the microwave to be cordon bleu. We are cafe habitues. We buy artisan bread from bakeries with Scandi decor and swear by our favourite pizza joint.

If you’re doing protein, it’s the butcher, the fish monger or another bloody boiled egg.

I’m not the only person who has noticed how annoying this new health craze is because suddenly I’m seeing protein popping up in the most unlikely aisles of the supermarket under a new guise of snacks.

The most dramatic of protein forays into snack foods is in the dairy aisle, where that classic “dairy” food, yoghurt, is now sold under the protein banner. And it’s not just YoPRO that capitalises its claims to muscle building. Every yoghurt boasts a new buddy in protein and, if you look closely in the fridge that houses would-be milk, you’ll spot the odd milk fortified with the stuff. I also spotted something called, protein kefir. I think that’s dope.

Venture further into the supermarket and you’ll find high-protein wraps, tortilla chips, oats with protein, protein powder buckets so big you’ll need to bench press 50kg to lift them, and shelves of those drinks they use in nursing homes, Up and Go.

There are more and more beef sticks. Not so long ago the only meat snack was beef jerky. For some reason, these were sold in airports. Did passengers emerge ravenous from long flights and not notice the food court down the hall? Or was it a sign to tourists that they’d arrived in a country that was so tough a slash of dried beef was the reward for a long day on horseback.

Now real men chew on meat sticks in between property deals and, according to a recent story in The Times, they have ditched the power lunch in favour of power nibbles – tuna carpaccio, steak tartare, yellowtail crudo or a $US51 spicy scallop. And, sure, some of this is because of the Ozempic revolution but mostly it’s about showing their strengths – lean, mean, expensive and a la mode.

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