Missed the Mark

He may be Australia’s most popular premier, but Perth’s elite have spoken with their wallets and WA Labor Treasurer Ben Wyatt is their pick.

Double act - Wyatt and McGowan.

He may be Australia’s most popular premier but Perth’s corporate and social elite have spoken with their wallets — they prefer the company of WA Labor Treasurer Ben Wyatt to Mark McGowan. The pair were up for auction at billionaire Kerry Stokes’s Telethon Ball in Perth’s Crown Towers on Saturday night. The exclusive party was hosted by new Perthinality lord mayor Basil Zempilas and attended by 800 who’s who, including a tuxed-up Mathias Cormann, Scott Morrison’s right-hand man (and assistant minister) Ben Morton, Perron Group director Elizabeth Perron, Wesfarmers chief executive Rob Scott, iron ore billionaire Chris Ellison, rich-list reproductive biologist Bruce Bellinge, BHP asset president Brandon Craig, muso Kav Temperley and Deputy Premier Roger Cook. AFL chair Richard Goyder skipped his code’s own grand final at the Gabba to attend. But back to the bidding. The private audience with McGowan in a cellar restaurant went for $35,000, pipped by a few wines with Wyatt (who, incidentally, is the cousin of Liberal Indigenous Australians Minister Ken Wyatt), which sold for $40,000. A sign that Wyatt made the right decision by reversing his plan to quit politics next year? “Clearly people were expecting the Treasurer’s dinner to be much more fun!” Wyatt told Strewth the next morning, with a string of grinning emojis.

Border force

Following news that all states and territories agreed to reopen by Christmas bar one … some cheeky punter has renamed the demilitarised zone at the Western Australia / Northern Territory border to “Checkpoint Charlie”. That’s right, the name given by the Western Allies to the Cold War border crossing between East and West Germany. Does that make it Michael Gunner’s laksa-loving Top End the democracy to McGowan’s communism?

Checkpoint Charlie.

Mocha me crazy

“I’m sure the frustration is at boiling point,” Victorian Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton said on Sunday, after breaking the hearts of all locked down in Danistan. Case in point — Acrobar Cafe in Morrabbin. Owner Franz Madlener put up a tongue-in-cheek sign three weeks ago that says: “Do you support Dan? Add $1 to your order. (The cafe) has introduced a RED surcharge of $1 to every order for those people who think Dan (Andrews) is doing a great job. These additional funds are much appreciated.” The so-called surcharge isn’t enforced and about 30 people have humorously popped $1 in the tip jar. Madlener said the sign wasn’t “anti-Labor” or politically motivated, he intended it to be the “equivalent of a swear jar” for customers who complain that staff should consider themselves lucky they can reopen in November. However, after the sign went viral it triggered a wave of abuse and threats to smash the small business’s windows, so Madlener has hired a security guard to mind the store overnight. Dictator Dan came to his defence: “People can put up whatever signs they want but signs don’t work against this virus — and in defence of that cafe worker I may also point out that online abuse doesn’t work against this virus either. Abusing that bloke doesn’t protect anybody and I think he’s had some pretty nasty stuff directed his way and I just don’t think that’s right and I’d ask people to not do that.”

Acrobar Cafe in Morrabbin.

Love lockdown

There’s certainly no love lost between Jenny Mikakos and her former boss. Live tweeting Sunday’s briefing, the former Victorian health minister said “the set reopening is gradual and safe so any delay is unnecessary”, adding “it’s paralysis in decision-making”. Sutton said Mikakos was “entitled to that opinion”. Andrews response? He refused to comment. “I have nothing to say about those comments because I have nothing to say about them. That is a choice I make and it does not make any sense to be interrogated on why I do not say anything.” Here’s another exchange worth noting.

Question: “Did you mislead Victorians?”

Andrews: “I did not.”

Balls up

How long is a Sherrin? According to Queensland Health: 50cm! In a picture posted to Facebook on Friday, footy fans were told to “maintain a social distance of 1.5m (or around 3 AFL balls)” during weekend celebrations. According to our calculations, it would be at least five balls. Or, ironically, the size of a small tiger.

Can’t stop progress

The “I’m a full termer” Prime Minister told colleagues to prepare for a 2022 election during last week’s party room, but the ACT Liberals aren’t wasting any time. Just days after losing their sixth straight territory election (and receiving a roundhouse kick from the last Liberal chief minister Gary Humphries for being too conservative for Canberra), the party informed members that Senate preselection will be held promptly at 2pm on November 22 at the Canberra Southern Cross Club in Woden. No one stacks up to them! Former local Liberals president Gary Kent (who is no longer a member) labelled it “another Canberra Liberals Senate preselection rort” by the controlling Right faction to “diddle the party members”. In order to be eligible to vote, financial members need to have been signed up for at least three months prior to November 12 (so, August) and attended a branch meeting. The question on everyone’s lips — will losing local Liberals leader Alistair Coe contest sitting senator (and Assistant Finance Minister) Zed Seselja for the No 1 spot on the ticket? For the record, the window for a simultaneous half-Senate and House of Representatives federal election is August 7, 2021 to May 21, 2022.

Deerly departed

Is October too early to put up Christmas decorations? We spied a little tree of lights in former Nats deputy Bridget McKenzie’sParliament House office. Even the PM has invested in an unusual inflatable ornament for the lawns of The Lodge — Santa Claus riding a shark. “It’s here. Jen’s not so impressed,” Morrison posted on social media, with a snap of his $129 purchase. We understand he spotted the 1.6m tall sharktasic toy at Bunnings earlier this month. What better way to bring a bit of Cronulla to the Canberra Bubble™! According to the product description: “Add some fun to your home this Xmas with this giant 2.7m inflatable Santa on a shark. With 15 super bright LEDs this inflatable will add a touch of festive charm to your home. Simply plug in and watch him inflate in minutes.” We wonder what his neighbours will think!

strewth@theaustralian