Anthony Albanese shortens odds to defeat Scott Morrison in election

Anthony Albanese will be Australia’s next prime minister, according to Sportsbet. The bookmaker’s online market has the slimmed-down Labor leader to win on $1.85, with Scott Morrison’s Liberals on $1.90.

Anthony Albanese will be Australia’s next prime minister, according to Sportsbet. Quite the change of heart from January when the betting bros predicted Albo would be knifed by Tanya Plibersek before the next federal election. The bookmaker’s online market has the slimmed-down Labor leader to win on $1.85, with Scott Morrison’s Liberals on $1.90. Sorry Adam Bandt, all others are at a wing and a prayer $251. If you’re looking to back a real dark horse, the odds of prime minister Greg Hunt and opposition leader Bill Shorten facing off on the campaign trail is paying $1951. Sportsbet is prophesying a Labor majority ($2.90) over a Coalition majority ($3) at a May poll ($2.75). “This is as short as Labor has been since May 2019 just before losing the election. We had the Coalition as short as $1.35 last year so it has really been a massive swing,” Rich Hummerston, Sportsbet’s communications manager told Strewth. “Punters have been piling in on Labor to win the election through 2021, and now, for the first time in a long time, they’re slight favourites to gain power.” Sportsbet’s political predictions should be taken with a large grain of salt. The bookies paid out early on Shorten winning the last election on the advice of former senator Sam Dastyari, a decision that cost them $1.3m.

Former Labor leader Bill Shorten and ex-senator Sam Dastyari.

Putting on the writs

For anyone looking to place a punt on which Saturday the next federal democracy sausage day will fall, ABC election guru Antony Green has come up with a few options. The first date for a normal house and half-Senate election is August 21, if announced this weekend with the writs issued by Monday. The last date is May 21, 2022, which gives six weeks to complete the complex Senate count and allows senators to be declared elected and start their terms on July 1. After discounting the school holidays; Tokyo Olympics (July 12 to August 8); NSW local elections (September 4); AFL grand final (September 25); NRL grand final (October 3); Christmas, New Year’s Day and Australia Day; SA election (March 19); Easter (April 13 to 18); and the federal budget (May 10), here are Green’s guesses – October 9, 16, 23, 30; November 6, 13, 20, 27; December 4, 11; February 26; March 5, 12, 26; April 2, 9; or May 21. Fun fact – a federal election has never been held in January, February or June.

Antony Green has come up with a few options on the next election date.

Maccas movement

The Prime Minister has addressed the absurd smear campaign about his relationship with Engadine McDonald’s. For those unfamiliar, the internet scuttlebutt implies Morrison soiled himself at the fast food joint after the Cronulla Sharks lost the 1997 Super League grand final to the Brisbane Broncos, 26-8. An improbable feat as back then Morrison loved rugby union, not league, and barracked for the Western Bulldogs in the AFL. The marketing man from Bronte rebranded as a rusted-on Sharks supporter only after he won his Sutherland Shire seat in 2007. ScoMo has previously crapped on about the rumour at the 2019 Midwinter Ball. “I note the great collective that runs the gallery has in its infinite wisdom decided to put tonight’s speech officially on the record. Sure, your call,” he said in his speech. “But now you won’t get to hear what really happened at the Engadine McDonald’s in 1997. It will remain the mystery of the ages.” Morrison finally pantsed the rumour when he phoned into Kyle & Jackie O’s craptivating KIIS FM radio show. His office has yet to release a transcript, so Strewth happily stepped up:

Morrison: “Hey, can I clear up one thing from ages ago?”

Kyle Sandilands: “Not the Maccas thing?

Morrison: “It’s the biggest urban myth ever.”

Sandilands: “So it’s not even true?”

Jackie Henderson: “That you pooed your pants at the Engadine McDonald’s?”

Morrison: “Never happened. It’s complete and utter rubbish. I found the whole thing incredibly amusing, and we’ve always joked about it among our team here as I’ve driven past it on occasion and someone says, ‘Do you want to pop in for a Big Mac?’ ”

Henderson: “Oh my god, I’m dying.”

Morrison: “But it is absolute and total rubbish.”

Sandilands: “How disappointing.”

Henderson: “I feel like you wanted to come on to clear that up.”

Morrison: “Some of the funniest yarns are the ones that aren’t true, and I think that’s one of them.”

Whats the drive through order? #engadinemaccas#auspol#scomopic.twitter.com/DBahRhi5dx

— scott_marsh (@Scottie_marsh) January 19, 2021

Deja Poo

Here’s another brown note – Tasmania’s Pooseum has won its battle with the local council to display a sign of a penguin projectile pooing. The Richmond museum, “dedicated to all things poo”, erected the sign without a permit and was told it would either have to be rebuilt or removed as it was not compatible with the tourist town’s sandstone streetscape. Pooseum director Karin Koch’s retrospective application was approved eight votes to four on Monday. “Now I can go back to doing what I do best, teaching visitors about the fantastic world of animal poo,” she said. A statue of a dog doing its businesses, dubbed Pooby-Doo, also gets to stay.

The Pooseum.

Bye George

Matt Canavan doesn’t want George Christensen to retire, so he’s encouraging coal huggers to sign a petition asking his Nationals colleague to stay. Ironic given Christensen himself started an unsuccessful petition for Liberal MP Nicolle Flint to reconsider her decision to retire. “I’m humbled and flattered but it’s not going to work,” the outgoing member for Boothby told Strewth in March. Christensen announced his conscious uncoupling from the Canberra Bubble™ in April, then cheekily sought to be disendorsed by the LNP in order to access a $105,600 “resettlement allowance” … a move ultimately rejected by the party executive. But that was before Barnaby Joyce’s return, and the new (old) Deputy Prime Minister’s need for numbers in the partyroom after the exit of Ken O’Dowd and Sam McMahon. Hence why Joyce jetted to the Gladstone, with his lieutenant Canavan, to gild the hand of Flynn candidate Colin Boyce. “While I respect George’s desire to spend more time with his young family, he will be a huge loss for Australian politics,” Canavan told his Facebook followers. “George takes positions on what he thinks is right, not what he is told to do. Whether it is protecting the rights of the unborn, supporting vaping or trying to free (Julian) Assange, you can’t pigeon-hole George. We need more like him.” When Strewth last checked, the petition, created on all-right website The Good Sauce, had 1811 signatures.

George Christensen.

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