I’d heard about seat rage, but I’d never encountered it

There are plenty of reasons during a long-haul flight when you might get annoyed by small things.

Passengers hitting you in the head with their backpacks as they’re walking down the aisle. People moving your carefully placed hand luggage to another bin so they can fit their massive suitcase over your head.

Cabin crimes … there’s no short supply of annoying acts onboard.Credit: Getty Images

The person in the seat in front of you immediately reclining their seat during take-off.

This happened to me a couple of weeks ago on a flight from Dubai to Sydney. The woman in front reclined while we were still climbing to altitude. As a bonus, she tossed her long thick hair over the headrest, so it covered my entertainment screen.

I felt a little chirrup of irritation. Passengers aren’t allowed to recline on take-off and landing, for safety reasons. It was inconsiderate of her to not think about the person crammed into the seat behind her, especially with the hair. I silently fumed.

I would later ask her in a friendly way to put her hair back where it belonged. She hadn’t realised and was apologetic.

There’s a difference between reclining and being laid-back.Credit: Alamy

When the seat belt sign went off, I reclined my seat so that my entertainment screen was not right on my nose.

I looked to see if the person behind me had put their tray table down before doing this. All clear. Usually, I warn people I’m going to recline the seat. But I couldn’t twist far around to make eye contact.

I don’t think it would have made any difference if I had warned him. He was one of those passengers who didn’t believe seats should be reclined. Certainly not on him.

He was furious. I’d heard about seat rage, but I’d never directly encountered it, until now. He started swearing and hitting the seat back. I could tell he was going to devote his flight to pushing and kneeing me as often as he could.

Soon after, I needed to put my seat up because the long-haired woman in front dropped her phone down the back of her seat. I stood in the aisle while she retrieved it. When I sat down, I reclined my seat again.

This further incensed the man behind me. He became increasingly abusive and thumped the back of my seat even harder. It was angering him that I was getting up and down, apparently.

I firmly explained that I was sorry, but I wasn’t going to sit upright the entire 14-hour flight, especially with the screen in front of me so close to my nose. He muttered something and stomped off to the toilet.

I let the flight attendants in the nearby galley know about him, as I was worried by his violent reaction. They’d seen it before, many times, by the look on their faces. They offered to speak to him, but I thought that might escalate things.

By a stroke of luck, the flight was only half full and I never saw him again. Like many others, he’d gone to the back of the plane to lie down, to grumble himself to sleep, I suppose.

We never really know why other people get upset. Maybe he was on edge because of some personal tragedy. Or maybe he was just feeling entitled. But irrational violence like this is not OK.

Why am I telling this trivial little story? Because it is trivial.

In the run of things, having a fellow passenger recline their seat into your space isn’t the world’s greatest hardship. For perspective, we were flying over the Middle East in our safe cocoon, burning more than our share of fossil fuels. Millions of people down below were having a far tougher time than we were and continue to do so.

I’m guilty of this lack of perspective sometimes. Of sweating the small stuff. It was stupid of me to get even the slightest bit annoyed about someone’s hair over my screen.

Flying is stressful because so many things can go wrong before you take your seat. But once in it, it’s crazy to keep looking for battles.

An airplane cabin is a microcosm of the world. More and more people feel the need to be insulted and outraged.

The idea of the common good applies to planes too. We’re all in it together. We need to get along.

After all, you’re about to travel thousands of miles in relative comfort, with attendants bringing you food and wine, and entertainment on demand. You’re among the lucky ones.

Take a deep breath before you get upset.