Your kids won’t remember that expensive overseas holiday. So what?

There’s a thing you hear from people occasionally, some of them even parents themselves: why would you take your kids on expensive overseas holidays they’ll never remember? You’re wasting your money. What’s the point?

That’s always struck me as a bizarre way to think. As if the memories of a travel experience are the most important thing; as if the ability to recall amazing experiences is the only reason to have them in the first place.

Just because your kids might not remember a holiday when they’re adults is no reason not to expose them to the joys of travel. Credit: iStock

I feel like saying to those people: do you remember your 20s? I don’t remember mine. At least not every part of my 20s. There are so many nights out, people met, parties had, emotions felt, things seen, wonders experienced and countries visited of which I have no memory whatsoever.

Does that mean I was wasting my time? Should I not have bothered?

Obviously not. Just because you can’t remember specific experiences doesn’t mean they didn’t affect you or thrill you, didn’t shape who you are and what you went on to achieve. Sometimes they were just fun for the sake of fun – and that’s perfectly OK.

Most people understand that about their adult lives. So why do we cling to this idea that the same doesn’t apply to children? Why is it that taking kids on overseas holidays is pointless until they’re old enough to remember it?

Ben Groundwater and family in Japan.Credit: Ben Groundwater

There’s more going on here though, because I’m not sure that people really, deep down, believe this when they say it. This memory thing is a convenient way to express something that could be a little controversial or uncomfortable: they simply don’t want your kids around when they’re travelling. They don’t want any kids around.

It’s a strange society we’ve built ourselves, where it’s considered fairly normal to be annoyed by kids or to declare they have no place in certain settings. Kids are human beings. They’re exactly the same as you and me – only smaller, and probably hungrier, and in need of someone to tie their shoes.

But still, we have people chafing at children’s presence in cafes, pubs, hotels and restaurants, on public transport and planes.

Certain airlines, such as AirAsia X, cater to this frustration by offering child-free “Quiet Zones” on their planes. Some resorts and hotels are adults-only. Some high-end restaurants require that diners be over a certain age.

There are no other people who are discriminated against in this way – at least not so openly. It is illegal for hotels and restaurants to turn people away because of their race, gender or religion.

I’m not here to litigate that, however. I don’t see the rules relating to children changing, and I understand they have a purpose, however bizarre it may seem to me.

This column is about the people who still seem annoyed by the presence of small children in everyday travel settings. Those who believe parents of little kids should just go camping or on a Disney cruise, and leave the real travel to the adults.

Because that’s all kids want, right? And they won’t remember it anyway.

Anyone who was lucky enough to travel as a child will tell you that’s entirely untrue. My parents used to take us kids on plenty of camping trips in Australia, and they were wonderful. But they also took us on grand overseas adventures, most of which I don’t remember, but which still played a huge part in shaping the person I am today.

I have flashes of memories from those trips. A Christmas dinner in England when I was seven or eight. Tobogganing down a snowy Massachusetts hill when I was about 10. Having a meltdown at Windsor Castle when I was four. The sight of buildings close enough to touch while landing at Hong Kong’s Kai Tak airport when I was five.

You don’t have to spend much time wondering how those holidays affected me: I’m a travel writer. I do this for a living. I’ve never wanted to do anything else but enjoy the thrill of seeing and experiencing the world.

That’s part of why I’ve already started taking my kids on overseas holidays. Not because they might remember some of it – I really couldn’t care less if they can recall it in later years or not. I do it now because they love it and it will change their perspective of themselves and the world.

I also do it because I want to travel. And I have kids.

We went to Japan about six months ago, when the kids were six and four. They’re still obsessed with Japan now, with using chopsticks and eating onigiri, with Pokémon and Hokusai, with sumo wrestling and shinkansen.

We had our struggles on that trip, sure. We probably annoyed a few people, despite our best efforts as parents, and our kids’ best efforts as well. And some would say that that is reason enough to not go in the first place.

To which I would say: kids are people. Like you, like me. They’re as deserving of a place in this world as any other traveller. And to be honest, I’ve been far more annoyed by the obnoxious behaviour of adults on my travels than I ever have of little people.

I’ve been old enough to remember it, too.