The five worst types of air passenger, according to a flight attendant

I recently had one of those infuriating encounters on a plane that has lingered in my mind for days. I was flying home after Christmas and boarding when I spotted a man hovering protectively over my seat – 2C, to be exact.

After more than a decade working as cabin crew, I’m well aware that the A seat is by the window and the C seat is in the aisle. Instantly, I recognised him as a “seat squatter” – someone who, unable to secure the seat they desire, resorts to a game of finders’ keepers; plopping themselves down and hoping you won’t notice.

There are certain types of passengers that deeply irritate flight attendants.Credit: Alamy

I offered a friendly head nod to indicate he was in my seat, and he begrudgingly shifted over. Fast-forward 10 minutes into the flight, and the cabin manager kneels next to me to ask for my meal choice. Suddenly, this dope leans across me and says, “I know she’s sitting in my seat, but that’s OK, I’m fine with it.”

Wait – what? I’m not sitting in his seat! That’s not even what the manager and I were discussing. I politely corrected him, only to be met with a glare and a retort: “It’s NOT your seat. But that’s OK. I’m fine with it.”

I told him it was indeed my seat, and he repeated, “It’s not. But that’s OK, I’m fine with it.” He was really hammering home that last bit, as if it were his personal mantra. Despite being a complete twit, he still wanted to project the image of a nice guy.

Sure, I could have engaged him in a debate, but after years of dealing with all kinds of aggravating passengers, I knew better. It’s simply not worth it.

Interestingly enough, “seat squatters” aren’t even the most annoying passengers I’ve encountered in recent months – not by a long shot.

So here’s my list of the top five most annoying things passengers do – are you guilty of any of these?

1. Galley yoga

These are usually 30-something women clad in Lululemon yoga pants and clutching Stanley cups, who decide a night flight is the perfect time to practise their downward dog. I can’t adequately express how annoying they are. Do I stick my Lycra-clad bottom in your face at your job? No. So please don’t do it at mine.

2. Galley talkers

A friend once told me about their love for popping into the galley at night to chat with the crew for hours. “Oh, the crew loves me! I just stand there talking to them for ages!”

Let me burst that delusional bubble. Honey, the crew doesn’t love you. They endure you out of kindness. After 12 hours of smiling and cooing at passengers, those precious moments with a cup of tea and a magazine are sacred.

We’re not lonely; we’re fine. And trust me, I’ve heard every aviation story imaginable. Spare us, please.

3. ‘I probably fly more than you do!‘

No, you don’t. My laughter is also fake at this point – I’ve heard that line 100 times. But really, take it from me, old man (and it’s always old men), you don’t fly more than I do. Unless you’re planning to hop on another three flights today right after this one? I didn’t think so.

4. Food stealers

Don’t help yourself to food in the galley … it might be mine.Credit: iStock

It’s curious: any food that’s sitting around on an aircraft – even if it’s in a lunch box – seems to be fair game for passengers. They swoop in and swipe it without a shred of shame. Yes, passengers will steal your food without batting an eye.

Just the other day, I was on a flight back from San Francisco, clutching a bag of Haribo sweets for a much-needed sugar hit. I left the bag on the counter, only to turn around and find some cheeky woman helping herself.

We have to eat too, you know. Cabin crew don’t survive on aircraft dust and toilet water.

5. ‘Can I just dump this here, please? I’m special’

Once you’ve finished your meal, wait for your tray to be collected. Dumping it in the galley doesn’t help.Credit: iStock

There seems to be a condition affecting more and more passengers lately: so-called special-itis. The afflicted believe they are somehow more special than everyone else, therefore, the rules don’t apply to them.

For instance, after the meal service, instead of obeying basic etiquette, this person feels compelled to clear their table and dump it in the galley for me to clean up. And the worst part? They genuinely think they’re helping. They’re not. You’re just clogging up the galley and delaying the clean-up for everyone else.

Now, back to my recent encounter with the “seat squatter” on that flight home. It still irks me that this man roams around thinking he was sitting in the right seat.

So, if you’re reading this, let me set the record straight: that was my seat. You were the one in the wrong seat. But hey, it’s OK. I’m fine with it…

The Telegraph, London