The best and worst celebrity passengers, according to a flight attendant

Let me tell you one thing I’ve learnt after a decade of serving the great and good in first class: you know all those “lovely” celebs, the national treasures, the down-to-earth, man-of-the-people types? Yeah, they’re the worst.

I have a theory about it. They spend so much of their lives trying to maintain that nice-guy image that the pressure becomes just too much. They crack. Think Ellen DeGeneres and that whole “be kind” nonsense. She was reportedly far from kind behind the scenes to the underlings who work for her. Although she denies the allegations, it didn’t surprise me one bit when it was reported, as my day job is being an underling to the gilded class beyond the velvet rope of first class, handing out slippers and making beds.

Liam Gallagher wins the “nicest passenger ever award”.Credit: Getty Images

I’m a little bit in love with Liam Gallagher. For one, he’s tall. A lot of these male celebrities are tiny. When you see them up close, they look like little action figure versions of themselves. Liam Gallagher is well over six feet (183 cm) and the kind of gorgeous that doesn’t translate in a photograph – he’s way better looking in real life. And funny. He actually made me laugh; I didn’t even have to roll out the fake laughter. He wins the nicest passenger ever award, hands down.

While Mr Gallagher is my personal favourite, Victoria Beckham has a special place in the hearts of all cabin crew. She could be the patron saint of flight attendants, so beloved is she. Ask anyone who’s met her onboard and they will gush about how wonderful the experience was. Now, back to the bad eggs…

Speaking of eggs, one of the biggest icons in showbiz stank up the toilet so badly that even to this day, when I walk past his posters, I can smell it. It wasn’t just me, either; the captain used the toilet after him and came out gagging. We nearly had a pilot incapacitation.

Victoria Beckham “could be the patron saint of flight attendants”.Credit: Getty Images

One celebrity encounter I’ve heard about so many times, it has gone down in galley chat history. Imagine the excitement among the gay crew members when the ultimate pop superstar is onboard. We’re always told to stay out of first class unless you’re working there, but for one crew member, the temptation to breathe the same air as his idol was too much. He crept up to her seat, knelt beside her and offloaded a lifetime’s worth of adulation, only to be told a very blunt: eff off. Apparently, he was still pleased with that. Any interaction with your hero is better than none.

Influencers spend so much time filming and re-filming themselves they don’t actually get to enjoy the flight.Credit: iStock

There should be a separate category for influencers. Unlike the A-listers, these folks want to be seen. They’re sitting there in their seats, recording everyone and everything around them. I always find this really sad. Not really living life, just constantly documenting a false reality. If you were to look at their TikToks, you’d think they were living the most luxurious, exciting life imaginable. Really, it’s endless recording, filming, and re-filming – an obsession. And no enjoyment. I always find it extra lame when men do it.

Unlike the stereotype of the crew member who can only work in first class and can’t stomach going beyond the curtain down to economy, I actually prefer economy to first class. It’s easier. Well, it used to be, until the dawn of weight-loss drugs. Now the rich don’t eat at all, so there’s barely any work involved up there.

Now, I still have about 20 years before retirement, so I need to hold back on a few names until I can draw down my pension, but there was one woman whose name was like Voldemort to all cabin crew – that’s how feared she was. She’s dead now, but I’m still afraid to mention her; she still has some fans out there and has had a sort of internet renaissance on TikTok of late.

There was something about those television stars of the 1970s and 1980s where the public persona could not be farther from the reality. And this lady was a perfect example. I think we’re in an age now where you can’t get away with being an arse anymore. The news gets out, and the internet piles on. I think this woman popped her clogs before it had the chance. Anyway, she was anything but a lorra lorra laughs onboard.

The Telegraph, London