Nudity and death stares: 10 things we’ll never understand about Germany

Germany has a lot going for it as a travel destination, but some of its cultural habits will make travellers scratch their heads in bemusement.

The straightforwardness

Germans aren’t rude. Indeed, they’re affable people, tending to formal politeness, and with more of a sense of humour than they’re given credit for. But service personnel don’t smile much – they just get on with the job, and aren’t expecting a tip – and Germans do speak their minds, which people from more circumlocutory cultures might find offensive. Then again, why ask if your latest proposal is a good one, if you don’t want to hear the blunt answer?

Getting naked

An FKK sign denotes this beach as one for those who enjoy “free body culture”.Credit: iStock

How is it that Germans have so little concern about nudity in the most public places – even in front of work colleagues? Freikörperkultur (FKK), or “free body culture”, flourishes. Don’t be surprised to find kit-less Germans in saunas, on the beach, on lakeshores, in urban parks and on apartment balconies. And yes, you can even go naked while hiking and camping in some places. Just don’t forget sunscreen for those delicate parts that have never seen the sun.

Fear of drafts

For all Germans like to frolic naked, they seem terrified of drafts once indoors, as if the slightest breeze from open windows or doors will strike them dead. How do you explain that? Neck and joint pain, eye infections and colds are all associated with drafts. The consequence? When you’re indoors in Germany, even on the warmest days, expect rooms to be sealed shut and stuffy. Don’t even think about opening a window: panic will ensue.

Shopless Sundays

Empty streets and closed shops in Cologne on a Sunday afternoon.Credit: iStock

The German constitution stipulates Sunday is a day of rest, so scrap your plans to enjoy a retail Sunday fun day – or even enjoy a lively vibe in any downtown, which will be quiet as the grave. Shops are closed, except in train stations and airports. It seems an odd practice in an increasingly secular country known for its lively commercial attitude. Sundays should be reserved for rest and the family, apparently. OK, so why are casinos and brothels open?

Twin mattresses

A queen-sized bed, German style. Credit: iStock

The chances of finding a double bed in a German hotel are slim unless you check into an international chain. What you get is either two single beds pushed together, or two single mattresses side by side in a wooden frame, topped by two single duvets. Good luck spooning.

If you’re feeling amorous, you might want to buy a Liebesbrücke, or “love bridge”, a foam strip that prevents you from sliding into the gap.

Why it’s so underestimated

Germany gets 20 million annual visitors, only a quarter of the tourists that visit France and Spain, and a third of those who go to Italy. And yet, Germany has played a central role in European history, is full of fabulous old towns, has a lively contemporary culture, and hearty, satisfying cuisine. Oh, and it offers good value, and little of the tourist rip-offs and overcharging found elsewhere. How come more of us don’t visit?

Pretzels

These pretzels are making us thirsty.Credit: iStock

Germany has some of the world’s best breads, especially if you like dark and grain varieties – bread-making is another field in which Germans are underestimated. So why are Germans also so enamoured of pretzels? They’re way too salty, go stale in an instant, are likely to break a tooth and often are so dry you need a beer to get through one. Sometimes they’re so large that finishing one becomes an endurance sport. No thanks.

Public drunkenness

Public drunkeness is not a big problem in Germany, despite the popularity of beer.Credit: iStock

You don’t need to go far in Australia to find inebriation, and yet in Germany public alcohol consumption is allowed even on the street and in parks. Even then, you’ll see few people under the influence, even in pubs. When you do, it’s usually controlled drunkenness that seldom bursts into pestering or abuse. What’s the secret? Not age: you can buy beer and wine at 16, and drink beer and wine from 14 if accompanied by an adult.

Why museums are overlooked

Frankfurt’s Stadel Museum has a terrific collection of Impressionist art.Credit: iStock

Think of Europe’s great cultural cities and most people mention Paris, London, Madrid, Rome and Florence. Yet where will you find some of the continent’s most outstanding museums? Frankfurt has a whole riverside arts precinct showcasing everything from Impressionism to sculpture to film history. And Berlin has another, including superlative collections of Greek, Roman and Middle Eastern antiquities, Islamic art, German Romantic painters and more Impressionists.

All the staring

OK, the Germans probably don’t think of it as staring, more a sort of frank eye contact. They probably consider it acknowledging your presence, or as a healthy straightforwardness or curiosity. But anyway, eye contact prolonged beyond what you’d expect in Australia is common. For the most part it’s harmless, although sometimes visitors might cop a death stare. Germans aren’t afraid to let you know they don’t appreciate your loudness, jaywalking, or simply being in the way.