As a young traveller, I had no fear. Then one thing changed

I used to think I thrived on fear. It was kind of my thing, pushing limits, taking risks. I was the guy going skydiving, bungee-jumping, trying out mountain-biking, spending my holidays snowboarding.

I got a buzz from the danger. I used to think I knew what fear was, and that I could harness it for the purpose of joy.

No fear: Ben Groundwater skydiving in Switzerland during his pre-parenting days.

But I had no idea. As soon as you become a parent, you understand true fear: the absolutely terrifying thought of something going wrong for your offspring. Your entire world, your happiness and comfort and your ability to function suddenly depend on nothing terrible happening to your children.

No one can conquer this fear, I don’t think. No one can ride it like an adrenaline junkie leaping out of a plane. You just have to figure out a way to live with it. You have to figure out how to push it down into your subconscious and pretend it isn’t there, otherwise you would never let anyone leave the house again.

Of course, there are other concerns for parents besides this primal, paralysing fear. Having children is all about having worries, qualms, concerns: are they learning fast enough, are they making the right friends at school, am I setting the right example, should I really let them wear that … and has my old life been completely destroyed?

Has travel been completely destroyed? Am I destined to spend at least the next 10 or 12 years going to all-inclusive beach resorts and parting with incredible amounts of money at tacky theme parks and attractions designed to be “family friendly” just to keep everyone happy?

Tokyo is one big playground for kids.Credit: iStock

The answer, at least to that last fear, is no. Fortunately. Thank God.

This is what I’ve learned after a mere six years of travelling with my kids: you don’t have to change your whole life. You don’t have to focus all your energies on child-friendly attractions, on specific activities catered solely towards entertaining kiddies.

You can do your own thing. You just need balance.

I recently visited Japan with my partner, Jess, and our two kids, aged six and four. If you do some internet research on travelling in Japan with kids, you will find all sorts of suggestions of activities, from robot restaurants to kid-friendly museums to ninja schools to theme parks.

These are all, undoubtedly, great fun for kids. But we didn’t do any of them.

Because when you’re a kid, Japan is the theme park. Tokyo, Osaka and Matsumoto are the family-friendly attractions.

Our kids’ favourite experience of that entire trip, a journey that took in all sorts of sights and experiences and wonders, cultural quirks I had slavishly researched and planned? The shinkansen. Riding on a train really fast through the countryside while eating a bento box. That was their highlight.

Ben Groundwater and family at TeamLabs in Tokyo.

Their second favourite experience? Yakiniku. That is, going out to a restaurant one night and grilling our own steaks on a little hotplate in the middle of the table. This was apparently far more exciting than Kids Plaza in Osaka (a huge science museum dedicated entirely to children), or TeamLab Planets in Tokyo (a renowned digital art gallery filled with bright colours).

The lesson you start to learn as a parent is that you don’t have to try so hard. Yes, you do need to plan activities that will appeal to your particular children: as I learned the hard way, if you drag them around to, say, winery cellar doors all day with not even a playground to expend some energy in, you’re heading for a meltdown.

But your travels don’t have to involve all these dedicated activities specifically for kids. Children my kids’ age, at least, are just fascinated with the world. And they’re also stoked to just hang out as a family and have their parents’ full attention.

You don’t even need to go somewhere like Japan to instil this wonder. You can just go camping or stay in a cabin somewhere. Little kids like collecting rocks. They’re fascinated by sticks. You don’t have to present them with this all-singing, all-dancing tourism extravaganza. The small things are amazing.

My kids’ third favourite experience in Japan was staying in a ryokan. We didn’t do anything in the ryokan except have dinner and breakfast, but the experience of living another country’s culture, of dressing up in yukata robes, going to the onsen and reclining in a hot bath, going to bed at night sleepover-style on futon mattresses laid out on the floor?

It doesn’t get much better.

So fear not, young parents. Your travel life isn’t over. You aren’t doomed to be wearing mouse ears or sitting around cheap resort pools for the next 10 or 12 years (though those things will occasionally have their place).

You’re free to explore and enjoy as you always have. And try not to let the real fears get to you.