It seemed like a good idea at the time: The top 10 worst ideas in law enforcement

John Silvester lifts the lid on Australia’s criminal underworld in Naked City, an exclusive newsletter for subscribers sent every Thursday. You’re reading an excerpt – sign up to get the whole newsletter in your inbox.

In this week’s bail backflip, Premier Jacinta Allan did something refreshingly honest. She admitted to making a mistake. “I do acknowledge that we got it wrong.”

Which makes us reflect on our very subjective look at the 10 worst ideas in law enforcement, where no one ever took responsibility.

Premier Jacinta Allan on Wednesday.Credit: AAP

1. Using blabbermouth barrister Nicola Gobbo as a secret police source

Gobbo played both sides of the tracks and was informing to crooks and cops at the same time. The chance of her remaining a secret source was as likely as hiding a pink flamingo at an ostrich festival.

Using her as an informer has already cost millions and convictions. The multiple inquiries have paid for multiple luxury holiday houses for lawyers paid by the hour.

2. Sacking the police band

Chief commissioner Ken Lay was a steady hand at a troubling time, but his decision to sack the police band, Code Blue, was a PR disaster. He was inundated with protest letters from outraged bowls clubs, hospitals and charity groups. He learnt too late that no one cared if police shot crooks, stole drugs or capsicum-sprayed nuns – just don’t touch the band.

3. Having protective services officers at every railway station every night

We have too many PSOs (1400) and not enough cops (negative 1100). PSOs are on tiny suburban stations every night where the biggest crime is a croaking frog breaching EPA noise levels. Meanwhile, we don’t have enough cops to complete divisional van shifts.

PSOs on duty at Southern Cross Station.Credit: Justin McManus

4. Having police women carry their guns in their handbags

At one time they had pencil skirts requiring them to expose their bloomers if they tried to climb a fence, wore air hostess style hats and carried police-issued handbags to keep their baton and handcuffs.

Police Academy graduates in 1973 (from left) Gwen Gillam, Jean Harben, Mary Skahill and Helen Spilsbury. Credit: Age archives

5. Closing the Police Club

The Police Club rocked in the 1970s and ’80s with a 3am licence, its own bistro and squash courts for the foolishly fit. Many crimes were solved over pots and plates of steamed dim sims. The mixed grill could serve seven shearers and for the carb-deprived they served chips with the lasagne. Salad was a six-day-old lettuce and a pickled onion.

6. Refusing to admit outlaw motorcycle gangs were a problem

Victoria was the first state to target gangs as organised crime groups and then for some reason lost the appetite for the fight. Gangs flooded back and made Victoria the bikie capital of Australia.

In 2011 police admitted they got it wrong on bikies and set up the Echo taskforce.Credit: Paul Rovere

7. Buying the Reginald Jackson

Named after former chief commissioner Reginald Jackson was the flagship of the boat squad fleet. Trouble was it was wooden, slow and expensive, more suited as a luxury pleasure cruiser than an emergency vessel. It spent most of its time moored at Williamstown, where it was used as the ideal spot to serve Devonshire teas.

May or may not have been found on the Reginald Jackson.Credit:

8. Putting police in charge of the IT section

The biggest disaster in policing, where multiple systems have been bought that don’t talk to each other. Police would be better off with tins connected with strings, crystal sets, smoke signals and carrier pigeons. For old-school cops, a hard reboot is a foot up the backside.

9. Closing the major crime squad

Hard men and women who went after hard crooks. They would kick in doors, solve crimes while flashing their impressive biceps. Sales of white, short-sleeved business shirts have plummeted since the squad was disbanded.

Senior Constable and axeman Jack O’Toole finishes his stroke during the first heat of the standing block chop in Sydney’s Hyde Park in 1968.Credit: Age archives

10. Cancelling the police picnic

The Police Association Picnic for cops was bigger than Moomba. There were police cars, motorbikes, dogs and horses, endless BBQ rissoles and free ice-cold Jubley drinks (the 1960s version of an energy drink).

The wood chop starred world champion Jack O’Toole, who was also a cop. Under the handicap system, Jack would still be in the bar when they started, stroll over using a wood splinter as a toothpick, and cut through a log as if he had a chain saw.

A mascot for the memory bank.Credit: Victoria Police

Honorable mention: Kanga Cop. No one really understood why a policeman would hop into an unventilated kangaroo suit, which included a police hat, and no one understood why it was eventually made redundant.

John Silvester lifts the lid on Australia’s criminal underworld. Subscribers can sign up to receive his Naked City newsletter every Thursday.